Trapped

[Indestructible]

Maybe it's because I just turned 22 a couple of days ago (and I'm usually feeling down around my birthday because I always end up spending it alone), but lately, I've been reflecting on my life, and I've realized that I'm not really happy. But at the same time, I'm not quite sure how to attain that happiness.

I remember, as a kid, everyone, from my peers, to teachers, to family members, etc., all seemed to recognize that I was a bright individual, who had a lot of potential to turn out very successful. Even through high school, I was always very close to the top of my class. During this time period, I had certain expectations of myself, for my post-high school life. I expected myself to have found some kind of passion, to have some kind of career goal, to have a great group of friends, to have a nice girlfriend (or at least dating around trying to find that special someone), etc.

But, here I am, at 22, and I don't have any of those things. I held off on college for a year after finishing high school, so I got a late start. I'm at a community college, and I'm in my third year; I've changed my major so many times, because I just can't figure out what I want to do with my life. I'm kind of chipping away at an associate's degree from the community college, but I'm not that "passionate" about it because the rest of the world seems to imply that it'd be useless compared to a bachelor's degree from a "real" university. I'm stuck in a part time cashiering job at a retail store, which I hate, but I don't have many other options. The only friends I have are coworkers, and even then, my contact with them outside of work is pretty limited. I've never even been on a date, let alone had a girlfriend.

Meanwhile, after reconnecting with some old friends from grade school and high school, I feel so behind. They're finishing up their last years at university, about to get bachelor's degrees. They already even have entry level jobs in the fields they're working at. They're starting to get a bit more serious with their significant others. They have great groups of friends. I feel like such a loser, in comparison.

I can't help but be so very disappointed in myself. My peers are just about to launch into the lives they've created for themselves, and where am I? I'm virtually in the same place as I was 7-8 years ago. I don't even feel like I know who I am, who I want to be, anymore. I feel like I'm just a shell of a person, no real identity, no goals, no aspirations, no passion...

But I just don't know how to turn myself around. Over the last couple of years, I've tried desperately to find something to drive me forward. I've tried getting involved in different kinds of activities, and whatnot, but nothing ever sticks with me. I rarely feel like being sociable anymore because I don't feel any confidence in myself, because I don't even know who I am, exactly. I just feel so... trapped, and I can't seem to figure out how to get out.

[blent]

It's not that you're trapped, you're just in a state of depression that is tough to get out of. The first thing you need to realize is that not everything is fun and games for these people, they also have their own problems. You need to look at the good instead of the bad in your situation, and then work from there. You've got a job, and you're in school getting an education, the rest should be a walk in the park now.

Try giving some of your friends a call and just ask them if they'd like to hang out. Go to a bar or a club, just have fun. You need to put more energy into what you do or it's just not going to happen. Once you get out there more you'll be naturally more lively. Loneliness can be the worst feeling in the world sometimes, it's also psychologically damaging. If your friends from work aren't able to hang out anytime soon, then there are other things you can do - but this will only work if you put effort into it.

When my girlfriend broke up with me, I felt incredibly lonely because I spent so much time with her instead of my normal friends, and I would always avoid going out because I lost almost all my motivation - basically I was heartbroken. I no longer had any close friends, or a girlfriend like I used to. As time went by and I started to forget her, I wanted to get out again and meet a new girl. I now have 3 girls that i'm dating, and a fourth that has shown interest in me which I plan on asking out. These are incredibly attractive women too - because I have the confidence now to pull it off and won't settle for less. I've also met a good number of people by being out there.

If you don't want to feel trapped anymore you need to force yourself to get out there like I did. Here are some ways that I went about doing that:

1. Join a dating site (I used plentyoffish.com). I know everyone says this, and I hated hearing it all the time too, but hear me out. This was the first step I made, and I think it would be a good first step for you as well. I didn't go on here expecting to find a date - because that brought too much pressure and I just wasn't ready for that yet. There's a section on the forum there where people are just looking for someone to hang out with. I've met girls and guys this way that i'm still in contact with. These are people just like you and I who are or were in the same position. They are moping about on the internet, trying to meet people as well. Take advantage of this, they are also lonely, and they also just want to make friends that they can hang out with. The majority of them were actually interesting, normal people and I got a couple of hot dates out of it. (Not with the dudes haha)

2. Your campus. There are so many people your age that go to the same place you do when you go to school. You need to quit being shy and start a conversation. These people aren't superhuman beings, they also get shy, and they also get lonely, in fact, you're the superhuman being by acknowledging this and taking advantage of it. Everyone wants to make a new friend, we are social creatures. Don't waste your time thinking about what to say, you're not going to persuade them into thinking you're some sort of cool James Bond guy. Just say anything and they'll reciprocate. If you end up liking this person it means they've liked spending time with you as well - don't let that person get away, invite them out.

3. Ask your friends what their plans are for the weekend. If they're going to a party, then try and bring up the idea of you tagging along. If you're close to the people, as in, you can say anything to them and not feel awkward, then ask if they know any girls they can set you up with. Not only does this give you an opportunity to meet more women, it gives you a reason to spend more time with your current friends, once you become really close to someone, they'll ask you to hang out more because that "awkward stage" has been broken.

I've written only a small portion of what I can say, but I hope this has helped at least in a small way. So many people are in the same position as you and it's such a minor problem that really shouldn't control your life. If this has helped and you'd like some more advice let me know.

[Sonrisa]

what are you doing professionally? i am guessing that you are not going to school, right?

[qwertz]

It's not that you're trapped, you're just in a state of depression that is tough to get out of. The first thing you need to realize is that not everything is fun and games for these people, they also have their own problems. You need to look at the good instead of the bad in your situation, and then work from there. You've got a job, and you're in school getting an education, the rest should be a walk in the park now.

Try giving some of your friends a call and just ask them if they'd like to hang out. Go to a bar or a club, just have fun. You need to put more energy into what you do or it's just not going to happen. Once you get out there more you'll be naturally more lively. Loneliness can be the worst feeling in the world sometimes, it's also psychologically damaging. If your friends from work aren't able to hang out anytime soon, then there are other things you can do - but this will only work if you put effort into it.

When my girlfriend broke up with me, I felt incredibly lonely because I spent so much time with her instead of my normal friends, and I would always avoid going out because I lost almost all my motivation - basically I was heartbroken. I no longer had any close friends, or a girlfriend like I used to. As time went by and I started to forget her, I wanted to get out again and meet a new girl. I now have 3 girls that i'm dating, and a fourth that has shown interest in me which I plan on asking out. These are incredibly attractive women too - because I have the confidence now to pull it off and won't settle for less. I've also met a good number of people by being out there.

If you don't want to feel trapped anymore you need to force yourself to get out there like I did. Here are some ways that I went about doing that:

1. Join a dating site (I used plentyoffish.com). I know everyone says this, and I hated hearing it all the time too, but hear me out. This was the first step I made, and I think it would be a good first step for you as well. I didn't go on here expecting to find a date - because that brought too much pressure and I just wasn't ready for that yet. There's a section on the forum there where people are just looking for someone to hang out with. I've met girls and guys this way that i'm still in contact with. These are people just like you and I who are or were in the same position. They are moping about on the internet, trying to meet people as well. Take advantage of this, they are also lonely, and they also just want to make friends that they can hang out with. The majority of them were actually interesting, normal people and I got a couple of hot dates out of it. (Not with the dudes haha)

2. Your campus. There are so many people your age that go to the same place you do when you go to school. You need to quit being shy and start a conversation. These people aren't superhuman beings, they also get shy, and they also get lonely, in fact, you're the superhuman being by acknowledging this and taking advantage of it. Everyone wants to make a new friend, we are social creatures. Don't waste your time thinking about what to say, you're not going to persuade them into thinking you're some sort of cool James Bond guy. Just say anything and they'll reciprocate. If you end up liking this person it means they've liked spending time with you as well - don't let that person get away, invite them out.

3. Ask your friends what their plans are for the weekend. If they're going to a party, then try and bring up the idea of you tagging along. If you're close to the people, as in, you can say anything to them and not feel awkward, then ask if they know any girls they can set you up with. Not only does this give you an opportunity to meet more women, it gives you a reason to spend more time with your current friends, once you become really close to someone, they'll ask you to hang out more because that "awkward stage" has been broken.

I've written only a small portion of what I can say, but I hope this has helped at least in a small way. So many people are in the same position as you and it's such a minor problem that really shouldn't control your life. If this has helped and you'd like some more advice let me know.

I think you rushed this reply.

[blent]

It has like 8 paragraphs, I spent a good 20 minutes on it.

[Indestructible]

what are you doing professionally? i am guessing that you are not going to school, right?

I'm still in school (community college), going after an associate's degree (for now, anyway), and I'm working part time at a retail store.