Can Someone Please Explain This To Me

[missunderstood8]

I have a wonderful guy friend - probably one of the best friends I have ever made. We talk about almost anything and everything, except when it comes down to the really serious things in HIS life. This I understand - he says he doesnt like to talk about his life, at least not in a serious manner, and I accept that because he is who he is and that's cool.

What I AM curious about is his relationship - he has been with this girl for about five or six years (i'm not really sure anymore) - they have never lived together, they do not have children together, and for the entire time I've known him- about three years - there has always been something about her that he has complained about. I guess I should add that the years they have spent together had been on and off for the first few years.

Recently he has expressed a want to no longer be in the relationship but that he doesn't have the will to end it. He has, in the past, behaved badly in the hopes that she will dump him but she never does. He tells me that he is no longer attracted to her (mostly because she has put on a LOT of weight in the past two years, and by a lot I mean she has gone up at least ten pant/dress sizes), doesn't enjoy talking to her anymore, doesn't want to spend time with her anymore, and moreover, doesn't want to have sex with her anymore. BUT he says he feels this "responsibility" for her. I get that she is unemployed and has three children but its been that way for three years - how she survives is beyond me but I don't know her except in passing. He nevers brings her around his friends, etc. and never really has --- and for the last four months he spends more time talking to me than he does doing anything with her.

What I dont understand is WHY on earth would a guy stay in a relationship that makes him so unhappy?? That restains him as a person from doing things that he wants to do. I could understand if they were married or even living together how a separation would be very difficult but if he is really as unhappy as he has led me to believe, why wouldn't he just cut and run? The "responsibility" he feels to her has to be limited because he doesn't take care of her or her children, not like a husband or livei n boyfriend would - he doesn't pay her bills, buy her groceries, etc. I'm just confused because if I were in his situation and was allowing someone to drag me down like that, I would definately break it off and go searching for real happiness!

[Sonrisa]

why don't you ask him about it? i'd like to know as well.

[girl68]

I think it's easy, that's why. It's easy to stay, it doesn't hurt him to watch her hurt (if he actually did dump her). He's basically just used to it.

[shiro]

I have a wonderful guy friend - probably one of the best friends I have ever made. We talk about almost anything and everything, except when it comes down to the really serious things in HIS life. This I understand - he says he doesnt like to talk about his life, at least not in a serious manner, and I accept that because he is who he is and that's cool.

What I AM curious about is his relationship - he has been with this girl for about five or six years (i'm not really sure anymore) - they have never lived together, they do not have children together, and for the entire time I've known him- about three years - there has always been something about her that he has complained about. I guess I should add that the years they have spent together had been on and off for the first few years.

Recently he has expressed a want to no longer be in the relationship but that he doesn't have the will to end it. He has, in the past, behaved badly in the hopes that she will dump him but she never does. He tells me that he is no longer attracted to her (mostly because she has put on a LOT of weight in the past two years, and by a lot I mean she has gone up at least ten pant/dress sizes), doesn't enjoy talking to her anymore, doesn't want to spend time with her anymore, and moreover, doesn't want to have sex with her anymore. BUT he says he feels this "responsibility" for her. I get that she is unemployed and has three children but its been that way for three years - how she survives is beyond me but I don't know her except in passing. He nevers brings her around his friends, etc. and never really has --- and for the last four months he spends more time talking to me than he does doing anything with her.

What I dont understand is WHY on earth would a guy stay in a relationship that makes him so unhappy?? That restains him as a person from doing things that he wants to do. I could understand if they were married or even living together how a separation would be very difficult but if he is really as unhappy as he has led me to believe, why wouldn't he just cut and run? The "responsibility" he feels to her has to be limited because he doesn't take care of her or her children, not like a husband or livei n boyfriend would - he doesn't pay her bills, buy her groceries, etc. I'm just confused because if I were in his situation and was allowing someone to drag me down like that, I would definately break it off and go searching for real happiness!

I think it is mainly that because he doesn't have the courage to end and think that it is his responsibility. He just doesn't dare to end so he stays in the relationship. Either tell him to end or just say that he is stupid!

[missunderstood8]

@ Sonrisa - I have asked him...all he ever tells me is that he feels this "responsiblity" to his girlfriend, however he won't elaborate on it.

@girl68 - I think you could be on to something - we have discussed their "relationship" to a point and he has said before that it's a "comfort zone" for him.

@shiro - I have resorted to telling him to just leave her and that he is stupid. It goes in one ear and out the other, so I stopped that approach awhile ago. He already knows he is being dumb but has this strange hope that by ignoring her, she will "get the message."

Why is it that sometimes guys have such a difficult time being the "bad guy?"