Ex sent me a Christmas card....what to do????

[paigem]

So my ex (we broke up one month ago) sent a Christmas card addressed to my family and inside it was addressed to me and my parents and had a small paragraph saying he thinks of us during "christmastime!" and hopes we have an amazing holiday! and then he signed it "sincerely" with a smiley face next to his name.

Honestly, I'm a bit angry and a bit hurt. I know he was making a nice gesture and I understand he is being friendly, but to see him write sincerely instead of love was a bit of a punch in my gut and then to see him write so happily and almost detached of passion in the card was not something I was ready for.

I currently strongly dislike him for trying to pursue a friend of mine only two weeks after breaking up with me and also for finding out that he commented on my friends picture while we were still dating and then deleting the action from his wall so I couldn't see (he never deletes any actions on his wall ever and has told me he doesn't)....I am now at this state where I think he may have been doing things behind my back...most likely through facebook since he has become quite a facebooker...and was possibly looking at other females' and doing things in perhaps a flirty way while we were still together...And I strongly dislike him also for acting so overly friendly and his friends also are acting so overly friendly with me through facebook. My ex keeps liking a picture of mine here and there and my statuses too.

Basically, given my feelings and the fact I had not planned to send him a card or planned to even text him merry christmas....I was planning to ignore him and never talk to him again despite the fact that we said we would be friends when he broke up with me. He has no idea I know about his pursuing of my friend and what I now assume about him while we were together.

It hurts. To know he seems ok a month later and he is already trying to be my friend so soon after our break up.

So what do I do? Send him a card back but be devoid of emotion in it? Ignore it and send him nothing and ignore his texts for the holidays? Tell him to stop speaking and contacting me because we can never be friends? Advice please!

[smackie9]

Send him an email and graciously thank him for the card. Then you can explain to him that you were suspect of his advances towards your friend before your break up and didn't appreciate the lies. Tell him you now see no reason for any further contact with you or your family. Have a Merry Christmas.

[Boisdevie]

Ignore the card completely - the guy is obviously a dickhead. And if he's on FB delete him from there too. Wipe all trace of him from your life. And find somebody nicer.

[paigem]

Hm, you think it's to get a reaction? It's so hard to tell because of the way we broke up -deciding to be friends. And it's not like he has tried calling me or texting me other than a few days after our break up he texted me happy thanksgiving! He really has just liked four pics of mine (one of the both of us) on fbook within the past month and one fbook status of mine. I don't know...he might think it's all being nice and the card is to be nice and show he cares. When we broke up, we planned to possibly see a movie that we had waited to see and meant something to us because we had visited a park based on the movie and had a lot of fun for our anniversary. But, alas, the movie came out and neither of us contacted each other to go see it...well more so, he didn't...I basically waited to see if he would. And we said we would still give each other one gift for christmas (as friends) and he even joked what he would get me.....but he clearly was just blowing smoke when we were breaking up. It's not like I can get mad for him not holding to these things...but I guess I had been hopeful even though I sort of knew it was all a lie. I feel like he dumped me too before christmas came around so he wouldn't have to deal with getting presents or doing all the things that I loved to do for christmas...ha.

I just don't want to send the wrong message by ignoring the card....well, by ignoring the card AND his merry christmas and happy new year texts could be overkill and make him think I am sore about the break up rather than just detached and not caring??

Is this really a d"ck move or he meant to be friendly but I took it the wrong way....?


And just yesterday, some beautiful beyond gorgeous girl wrote to him on his wall and said "hey new friend :-)" and I know he met her from doing background work for a tv show to make money...she is a model. And now I feel sick to my stomach that he flirted with her (this larger than life beautiful girl who seems to be sweet and nice and nerdy and has some of the same interests/likes (in music/composers) that he does which are rare to have) enough to get her to say hi to him and maybe now even has her number and hung out/went on date with her trying to woo her...there goes my mind again creating scenarios and what may have happened....but he clearly has moved on already. I guess I'm the only one stuck still thinking of him and reminiscing.


A week/two weeks after we broke up, he put up an away message about being reflective and then when someone said it's good to be reflective, he told them "not if you are reflecting on regret. or rather....what ifs." And of course he knew I'd see it and all the other things I can see on his fbook like him being flirtatious with this girl who keeps writing to him...but who seems to have a boyfriend in her pic. And some of his statuses for like two, amost tthree weeks after we broke up were sad lyrics to songs...about being his only friend, etc. But after those two weeks, his facebook statuses seemed to grow less frequent and changed to moving on to other non-sad, some funny song lyrics and he started putting up so many pictures of the spiderman musical he went to see and then two pics of himself looking handsome that he took....meanwhile, while we were going out, he didn't put up too many pictures because I always begged him to put up pictures of us and he only put up 10 in an album dedicated to us....I think he wouldn't put up other pics that were not of us for fear that I would get angry because he only put up 10 pics of us but was putting up other pics of other things or himself......does he sound self-centered?

[smackie9]

He's not being a dickhead. He still cares but your relationship had run it's course. He's just a young guy ( I'm assuming he's young ) that wants to have a few more relationships and experiences before settiling down with someone serious.

[damn2010]

He did it as a way to reach out to you.

Maybe either because he is genuinely trying to be nice towards you and wants a friendship (though it takes a LONG time for a "true friendship" between ex's in my opinion) and is at least trying to be caring towards the holidays.

OR

He wants you around as an option if he doesn't have luck in the future.

Either way, the holidays are tough for some people and they think about a lot of things. My first X-Mas without my long-term g/f of over 3 years was really weird, but I saved a bunch of money! Oh and don't feel bad about being dumped around the holidays. Actually I remember reading that it usually is the TOP time for break-ups because people don't want to spend money on presents and the dumper feels the dumpee will be ok being around family for the holidays.

I will say though that he does want a response and will most likely text you again on Christmas and New Year's. Your idea here is that you CAN text back and keep things nice and civil. Or if you are trying to get over him and move on you can text him that you appreciate the card but would prefer if you could have 'no contact' right now as you're moving on and he needs to respect that and perhaps in the future you can get back in touch.

[paigem]

I've chosen not to send a card. I just don't want him to think that me not sending a card means I'm angry and upset and haven't gotten over him. That will give him power and make him feel good. I'm really not sure what effect not sending a card and not responding to his blessings through text would do....make him angry or just decide to stop trying to contact me....or make him feel cool and think I am not over him...perhaps I should just say "you too." when i get a merry christmas text tomorrow??

[damn2010]

Why don't you measure what you want and take it from there?

Do you want him to take you back? Do you want him as a friend? Do you want to move on?

You're going to overanalyze every move until you ultimately know what you want. I mean, after all, he DUMPED you. Of course you're not over him, the dumpee usually isn't and it can take some time.

[BeingAlpha]

If you don't send anything - he gets to theorize if you are mad, over him, ambivalent etc... why continue a conversation that is just going to lead to hurt? You send a friendly whatever back -- he does it (and you can't handle it right now)..etc.. it just gets perpeptuated. Just end the conversation .. if you really want to be friends reach out when you are able to handle it. If he is at ALL an understanding person he will understand that you needed time and space to get over some things.

[Dean Kaplan]

I think you should get things off your chest by letting him know how you feel (phone, letter, etc.), then go into No Contact mode until you heal.

[Raze]

You should burn the card and watch it burn as it turns into ashes. Then, do a primitive dance around the fire.

[want2heal]

I say NO CONTACT at all. Doesn't matter what he thinks anymore and you really shouldn't care about it too... live your life now.

[Petit Papillon]

Why you (or some of the posters) even think about responding to him. Why are you even having him on your facebook list? Why do you even CARE what he thinks huh? You're bitter about the break up and his behaviour - SO WHAT? Who cares? As long as it helps you to move on, you shouldn' care if it upsets him. When you do the moving on, you DON'T CARE what your ex will think. See, some people can stay friends with their exes, but it happens just if both of them are on the same level as in having feelings for each other. There can't be one person that is secrectly in love with the other one. It's not healthy for your mind and spirit. Give it a rest, burn the card,delete him fro fb (this should have been done long time ago btw..) , from AIM as well. Oh, from your phone too...And sms from and to him too And e-mails And pack all of the things, little gifts,photos in frames in a box and put it on your closet or your basement... AND delete photos. Hmm I think it's all. You know, pretending that someone never existed really helps.No, it doesn't look civil or whatever you want to call it, but it helps,ok? No contact is a really good rule. It's not made to harm people , it's made to help and it does. Good luck.

^^ That post is to OP , not ladybugs

[Petit Papillon]

Totally sorry, I missed your post. I actually read OP's post and then few posts after and I didn't notice your post so I didn't actually answer to your situation. Let me read it

[Petit Papillon]

What did you actually do to him to make him leave so fast? You said it was your fault that he left like this, what was it ?