Still Trying to Get Over An Ex

[vertical_sky]

Hey guys. This is half question/half ranting... I feel better after I talk things out, and I am infinitely sick of discussing "ex" topics with my friends. Thanks for letting me post this out into the void, and I'd welcome any and all feedback.

I posted once in this thread about a guy I dated for 3 years. Long story short, we broke up when he went abroad, but in the last year it's been a constant push-pull.

He only seems to want me when I'm dating someone else. But as soon as I'm single, he's "too messed up" or "too busy" to really be committed. But then he accuses me of only "keeping him around as a back-up option" if I do the same thing.

I finally cut off contact with him about two months ago because I couldn't take the games anymore. (He says that I'M the one playing games and being emotionally abusive.) However, he kept contacting me declaring his love. Up until a month ago, he was still telling me he'd "always be there for me" and it "kills him" we don't speak.

We both belong to a social circle that plays an online MMO. The people I play with are friends I've had for years, and this is the primary way we stay in contact. However, it means interacting with him, because my friends refuse to take sides. It means if I want to completely cut off contact with the ex, I have to jettison this entire group of friends.

What makes it worse is that one night while we were both playing, he told me that he was "far happier single" and that he no longer wished to speak to me, ever. He said he would only speak to me publicly when forced.

This from the guy who less than a month ago was declaring his love!

This whole thing just makes me sick. I feel so twisted up. I am afraid to move on, because every time I try, suddenly he wants me again... I don't know how to stop these games. Because we're in this group together, I tried being friendly, but he won't even speak when I'm around, and then he'll tell all our friends how happy he is now that I'm out of his life. But my friends are also telling me to NEVER mention if I DO move on, because I'll be hurting his feelings and he "really does love me and tried hard to make it work"!!!!

I don't know how to deal with this. I feel like I'm in a giant mind-f*ck game I can't escape and I can't understand.

[sweetkissesforu]

move on stop the games dont ever look back and dont let him know cuz he plays with u

[BeingAlpha]

The only person you need to worry about is YOU right now. Yeah -- very noble to not want to hurt your ex but what are you doing to yourself in the process. Your ex is a messed up person (mine does the same thing so it seems that this behavior is not unusual). He is scared to lose you completely but isn't able to commit to a relationship with you. The interesting thing about it is that my ex is a commitment phobe -- she is unable to make decisions so she feels paralyzed not able to go forward or go back. We were talking about taking the next steps....and she freaked. We broke up - -but she won't just cut me out completely because if she did she knows I would move on -- allowing her again to not have to commit to anything.

Stop the circle of pain right now and take care of you -- I know you value your friends and what not but right now stop playing that game and being in social situations where you have to deal with your ex. Don't ask your friends to take sides but ask them to do things other than the online MMO..maybe have them all over for a movie -- explain to them that you value their friendship but need to do this for a while. If they are at all good friends they will understand...DO NOT badmouth your ex to them.

[ccjc]

Stop the circle of pain right now and take care of you -- I know you value your friends and what not but right now stop playing that game and being in social situations where you have to deal with your ex. Don't ask your friends to take sides but ask them to do things other than the online MMO..maybe have them all over for a movie -- explain to them that you value their friendship but need to do this for a while. If they are at all good friends they will understand...DO NOT badmouth your ex to them.

Dam, I should give you a brownie for this one!

My gf, soon to be ex, regularly asks her friends for advice. I find that because of that, her friends take her side and as a result, painted a dark image of me in front of her friends. When I ask for the advice of my friends, I ask them to forgive her ways while they try to advice me on what to do.

She's the type of person who will actually take on the opinions of her friends. Example, If im not a suitable guy that should be dump, she'll do it without a second thought.

vertical_sky, get in contact with your friends and start doing things away from the MMO environment. You'll find that it'll get you closer with life and the people around you and you'll slowly move on and heal.
It wont be an instant thing and 3 yrs of memories would be tough to forget about, but remember the good times to make you feel good about yourself.

If there were any bad memories, leave it in the past. The past stays in the past, with or without him, keep progressing through life. It's all about being able to grow yourself.

Don't hold yourself back from the world

[breakupguy]

What is MMO? I think you'd be better off asking him one last time if he wants to work on getting back together or not. If he says no, it would be best for you to remove yourself from this group until you're over this guy, otherwise you're continually reopening the scab of your emotional healing process every time you come in contact with him. It may be hard to step away, but if he doesn't want to commit to making it work again, you have to do what's necessary to heal, and continually being around him isn't going to allow you to do so.

[ccjc]

What is MMO? I think you'd be better off asking him one last time if he wants to work on getting back together or not. If he says no, it would be best for you to remove yourself from this group until you're over this guy, otherwise you're continually reopening the scab of your emotional healing process every time you come in contact with him. It may be hard to step away, but if he doesn't want to commit to making it work again, you have to do what's necessary to heal, and continually being around him isn't going to allow you to do so.

massively multiplayer online, something like Ragnorok.