What should I do?

[hope555]

Hi all,
My ex and I broke up 3 months ago after being together for almost a year. He broke up with me saying that he felt bad for treating me so poorly and I deserve better (which is VERY true)...later he additionally confessed he really wanted to be single right now and not have to think about anything else other than himself and finishing up his phd (which is ALSO true..he spends all hours at the lab, or working out at the gym mostly). He wanted to be best friends till he was ready for a relationship....but I really get depressed nowdays from all this confusion.

About once a week mostly I miss him, so I may text him with some random question. If its been a week and I have made no contact, he will text me with something silly like "its almost christmas!". But even when he intiates the texts, I feel like its always me that keeps the conversation going...he just takes my question and turns it to me and asks "what about you?" . Plus, we talk about absolutely NOTHING...very generic things are asked by me like "are you excited for the winter break, what are your plans?"..and very generic answers are given to me like "i plan on seeing my family and friends". Plus, when I try to share my real frustrations with him, he doesn't care like before. He ALWAYS responds..but there seems to be no genuine care there. I honestly think this is his personalilty...selfish, self-centred, uncaring and unempathetic. I'm just noticing it now because I'm out of the "love haze". As he is, I would NEVER want to date him again. Today we texted for a bit..at the end I said "miss you..bye"...and he responded and said "aww..I miss you too". Before this, even when we used to date, he would always respond to my "i miss you" with "I never miss anyone".

Anyway, this is what I need advice on. Firstly, why does he act in this superficial way? It hurts me just to say such superficial friends with an ex. Its like we're not really friends. Are all exes friends just this way?? But I sometimes worry about losing all contact because what IF (a huge if) he grows up, gets settled into his career and finally starts to get less self absorbed and wants to settle down? Shouldn't I keep myself in the picture for that? Sometimes I miss the old "dating" version of him (when he didn't act like a narcisstic jerk) so much that I still cry at nights. Is this normal? He was my first boyfriend and first love (and I'm 24). What can I do to cry less and move on, but still keep him in the picture? I need some solid steps to take to feel happier.

Thank you for any help.

[gartlas]

You should'nt 'keep yourself in the picture' just in case he get's better. Also..anyone that's ever said "I never miss anyone" when his girlfriend says she misses him is not worth dating. Just because he gave a different answer one time doesnt make it better. Maybe he's scared of intimacy or something like that , but if it feels like the conversations are shallow and meaningless..maybe stop them. In my experience exe's can never be proper friends , because there's too much pain involved in getting attached again. I'd say its better to learn to get go..if he grows up and wants to talk he'll make sure you know it. Iit's not worth living a half life on the offchance he will