what the F*&# is wrong with me??

[justcheckin]

Pleas help me guys before I destroy my relationship.

I cannot stand to be apart from my girlfriend. She gets all the space she needs, and I do not text or call her abusively by any means. HOWEVER, I am seriously going crazy on the inside. I will let her have her nights alone, I will let her be the first one to make contact, etc, and when she contacts me, I dont whine to her about where she has been or anything like that, but Its seriously taking a toll on me personally. I told her last night that I was gonna let her have some family time and that she should txt me tomorrow, and all is good an well, because I needed to spend some time wiht my family as well. However, today came around and I was seriously anxious to the point where I was pacing around the house waiting for her to make contact with me. I eventually even called her, (no answer; one time, no message, no crazy text) and then went about my day. I dotn think shes doing anythign wierd or anything behind my back, and know that this is due to my personal insecurities, but WTF is wrong with me? This girl is the nicest, sweetest girl I have ever met and I feel like I am going to ruien it because of how I get when we are not in contact. What should I do??? Please help.

I am 24, she is almost 20. She is VERY religious, and we have been dating about 3 months now. We have had nothing "rocky" happen in our relationship, and we have survived finals week at college un-harmed. This is solely a personal problem.... what can I do?? This is driving me crazy. I need to fix this before I do something stupid.

[RockNRoll]

Understand the reason. You say it's not a trust issue. Do you want more attention from her? Do you just miss her that much?
Keep yourself busy, don't become obesessed and learn to fight your insecurities.
You can also tell her, how much you like talking to her and that you appreciate when she calls/texts you. And being a guy you are expected to initiate more contact than she does, so next time just call her yourself.

[justcheckin]

I have ruined a relationship before by being too "clingy" I guess, and I am just paranoid now. I go out of my way to not be clingy, but its killing me. I don't know how to feel or act, because I feel like she doesn't miss me (like I miss her) although I only say that because she doesn't feel the same way as I do. I know everybody shows affection in different ways. What do you think I should do? I told her today that I felt kinda weird or whatever. I still find myself "waiting" all day for the next chance I get to talk to her. I assume that she doesn't do this, or she would be talking to me all the time. Is it possible for a girl to like somebody without "showing" it 24/7? I know this sound stupid, but I only ask because I dont think what I feel is normal

[reeba]

You need to go out and do something, and leave the damn cell phone at home. You gotta stop checking your cell phone constantly. You are just enabling your obsession by dragging that phone with you.

For pete's sake. It was christmas weekend and 'you let her have some family time'. How nice of you to allow her to do this. Not sure if it was a poor choice of words, or if you are controlling. Clingy can mean two different things - one is insecurity and the other is controlling. You say you don't have trust issues. Then that means you have the latter issue, controlling.

[justcheckin]

You need to go out and do something, and leave the damn cell phone at home. You gotta stop checking your cell phone constantly. You are just enabling your obsession by dragging that phone with you.

For pete's sake. It was christmas weekend and 'you let her have some family time'. How nice of you to allow her to do this. Not sure if it was a poor choice of words, or if you are controlling. Clingy can mean two different things - one is insecurity and the other is controlling. You say you don't have trust issues. Then that means you have the latter issue, controlling.

I am not controlling at all, I guess it was a poor choice of words. That was me trying to give her her space, because I dont want to "smother her" or whatever. I am not controlling at all, but I just feel like I want to spend ALL my time with her and I dont know if that is normal or if that means something is wrong with me. It drives me crazy.

[vashti]

You need to develop more interests of your own, and I like the idea of you losing the cell phone during the daytime, if all you can do is to sit around and wait for it to ring.

[SelflessnHumble]

I am not controlling at all, I guess it was a poor choice of words. That was me trying to give her her space, because I dont want to "smother her" or whatever. I am not controlling at all, but I just feel like I want to spend ALL my time with her and I dont know if that is normal or if that means something is wrong with me. It drives me crazy.

It seems you don't take social cues very well.
You have trouble realizing people don't revolve around people just because you have put
her at the center of your universe.

The true issue is your lack of experience with relationships.
Unfortunately no one can tell you what you've missed out on.
You have to learn for yourself and this only happens through having experiences.

How things are supposed to work is that YOU have your life...and SHE has hers.
Your life should NOT revolve around just one person, nor should she be your focal point
when you have your own life to live and responsibilities to keep.

You seem to have trouble with this and I suspect you've have some sort of traumatic experience
that dealt with abandoning you or leaving you -perhaps at an early age. OR you could construe
someone (naturally) coming and going as abandonment. (hence the need to cling)

You need to calm your emotions and take control of them.
You need to conduct your normal way of life so that it does not coincide with hers
just to "make" as much time as possible for the both of you.
If you find yourself changing your life/lifestyle for hers YOU do have a problem.

It's not romantic because it becomes over bearing.

You say you don't know how to act and feel crazy?

Here...some examples:

Exude confidence and make DEFINITIVE CHOICES. Do not procrastinate.
When asked what you like: DO NOT reply: "oh whatever you like" or "me too." (Denotes clingy behavior)
Be original, be yourself. Don't be afraid to disagree.

You had said she is "VERY" religious...Are we to deduce from this that you are not?
Are you having to change your worldly views to correlate with her own due to her religion?

Be assertive and be a man.
A man doesn't wait around for someone to call them.
A man makes things happen and doesn't appear desperate. (as you appear to be)


The very fact you get anxious and pace around the house until she calls tells me
you are in fact putting your choices on hold for her "call." If someone tells you they will call: they call.
IF they don't they either forgot or were too busy. -Either excuse doesn't work for me because
one can always make time if they were considerate towards your feelings.

People like and love one another without talking to them 24/7
Think of it this way: HOW on earth is she ever to miss you when you're always in her face? Exactly.
She can't. and in fact she will end up loathing you for doing so. (speaking from experience)

It's all there man, really.
What you need to do is to be your own man, and not be waiting on her hand and foot, putting
her on a pedestal.

Stop being overly dramatic.
You don't survive finals at college.

In all honesty you haven't had the experiences being around nor talking amongst people.
So all you can do is meet people and as you get to know them certain people will not tell you
how they feel, others will have no problem telling you "like it is."

If you don't have any other things to focus on:
Join clubs at school. Go out to a live bar with music
and hang out -meet new people, good people.
If you want friends surround yourself with people that have good intentions.

Especially in college it is easy as pie to make friends who are like minded as yourself.