Should I or shouldn't I?

[mickle141]

Me and my ex haven't spoken for ages. I said I'd wait for her and all that, as you do, but it's getting to the point where I should move on.

I'm toying with the idea of waiting for her outside her work as theres things I need to say to her before I move on, but not sure if it's a really bad idea.

Thing is, everything has always been via email and well, you know, maybe if she sees me, and sees what she's losing... I dunno. I've never said I'm letting her go and moving on you see, maybe it might make her think? Help!

[mickle141]

I suppose only I can decide this really....

[MerryH]

If you haven't spoken for a long time, she's probably moved on and assumes that you have, too. You don't need to tell her your plans to finally move on. Just do it. You should have done it a long time ago.

And yes, waiting for her outside her work is a very bad idea and is stalkerish and inappropriate. If you must see her, call her up and ask her to meet with you. But that's not really moving on, is it?

[Sonrisa]

how about sending her flowers first and letting her know that you are thinking of her?

[mickle141]

Mmmm, maybe. I think she might be seeing someone though, so flowers may be unfair. Saying that if flowers are unfair, turning up certainly is... I spose I could just write and say I've waited, I've given you space but it's time for me to move on too. I hope we can be friends when we're both ready. - Or something like that.

[Boisdevie]

If she has not been in touch then she has moved on. Do the same. If she really truly loved you then she would have made contact. She didn't. The message is clear.

[mickle141]

Hmm yes and no. If you knew the rest of the story I doubt you'd have said that. Not that I'll ignore it.

[AamyluvroN]

I think you should move on without giving explanation and plan. If you two arent married then 9 times out of 10 she has already moved on so why waste your time.

[NeoSam]

well, if you got things to say, say them in an email or sms, and then move on, if its been more than a month or 2 month max the chances are she has already moved on, go and find yourself a new girl.

my past experience tells me after a month they normally move on/or go and fcuk someone, so no point on going back together.

[ccjc]

Me and my ex haven't spoken for ages.

How long is ages?

I dont think it was ever good to say you'd wait for her without knowing how long you'd actually be waiting for. If you did ended up waiting, you'd be an old single man for the rest of your life and she could be happily be with someone and having a great life. At that point you have only yourself to blame for not taking out a Plan B.

Try and have multiple options for yourself. If you really feel like meeting up with her, set a date, be clear and go for it!
Never seem like you're stalking her. Doesnt matter if you guys were really close prior to the break up. Misunderstandings can always happen. The last thing you would want is the police knocking on your door giving you a warning not to stalk her. These days, you wont know how serious girls can get
Just remember that the law would favour more for the girl than us poor guys! xD

[breakupguy]

Me and my ex haven't spoken for ages. I said I'd wait for her and all that, as you do, but it's getting to the point where I should move on.

I'm toying with the idea of waiting for her outside her work as theres things I need to say to her before I move on, but not sure if it's a really bad idea.

Thing is, everything has always been via email and well, you know, maybe if she sees me, and sees what she's losing... I dunno. I've never said I'm letting her go and moving on you see, maybe it might make her think? Help!

First step would be to ask her whether she's even interested in trying to make it work. If she says no, move on, as it takes two to make a broken relationship work. You can beg and plead, but if she doesn't really want to make it work, even if she does reluctantly get back with you, she's going to be spiteful and hold it against you that you forced her to get back together.

If she says no, as hard as it is, cut off all contact to allow yourself to begin to truly get over her, otherwise you'd be wasting your time.

[mickle141]

How long is ages?

Well we broke up in August (for the second time after getting back together in April) - there was the usual texting and stuff and I told her that she was the girl that I wanted to marry. She then asked me to clarify that and I did, and after a while she said that she wanted those things for sure, but wasnt sure if it was me she wanted them with and said to not contact her for 6 months while she figured it out. I said I'd wait for her and she said thats fine, just dont contact her. In hindsight I think she wanted to see if Id do what was best for her etc. I didn't and I wrote to her a couple of times and sent a few texts as I missed her a lot and she went a bit barmy at me at the end of october. I left it a month and sent some flowers saying I was sorry and that she could have what she needed and id still wait - she didnt reply.

Since starting this post (yesterday) ive emailed her and asked if we could clear the air and either move on together or seperately but it would make a great difference if we could actually talk and part on good terms - dont think i was unfair in asking that.

My idea behind going and saying what I have to, i.e. meeting her outside work was that last time we broke up, she did all this and it wasnt until she saw me face to face 5 months later that it made her think. I suppose my head is stuck in some sort of romantic movie and I thought If I just go and say "I love you, I really want to make this work, more than anything but if you're quite sure, I'll repect that and walk away right now" - and do exactly that.

It's 2 things i've never done - gone and told her exactly how I feel - and made it quite obvious that she's lost me. So you can see my thinking behind that. At the moment she knows that if she clicks her fingers, i'll be there....

[breakupguy]

No offense, but to me it sounds she may have moved on, or is trying to, and you may be the only one with hopes that this is going to work out. It sounds like she's trying to get over you so she can move on with her life. I think she knows how you feel, so you continually contacting her may be annoying her, which may be driving her even further away.

[mickle141]

Yeah I get that. I guess I just want closure really and for us to be ok with each other. Then I can move on without this hanging over me.

[ccjc]

Well we broke up in August (for the second time after getting back together in April) - there was the usual texting and stuff and I told her that she was the girl that I wanted to marry. She then asked me to clarify that and I did, and after a while she said that she wanted those things for sure, but wasnt sure if it was me she wanted them with and said to not contact her for 6 months while she figured it out. I said I'd wait for her and she said thats fine, just dont contact her. In hindsight I think she wanted to see if Id do what was best for her etc. I didn't and I wrote to her a couple of times and sent a few texts as I missed her a lot and she went a bit barmy at me at the end of october. I left it a month and sent some flowers saying I was sorry and that she could have what she needed and id still wait - she didnt reply.

Since starting this post (yesterday) ive emailed her and asked if we could clear the air and either move on together or seperately but it would make a great difference if we could actually talk and part on good terms - dont think i was unfair in asking that.

dam man, this isnt good at all. I feel for you, really I do

I never think its a good idea to just linger around like this, you're wasting your time and breath just thinking about what to do with her. When its clear that she hasnt indicated whether she'll involve you into her life. Its all dream-like talk at the moment and I think best chance for you to move on is to confront this head on and get a STRAIGHT answer out of her.

Its mostly likely she'll say things that would rip your heart out and turn your guts inside out, but if you hear it from the source directly. It'll serve its purpose as a wake up call for you, if you're unsure or clinging onto a shread of hope in going back to the way it was.

If you can move on on your own, face her earlier than you would want to. You'll move on sooner than later and you'll get the closure that you needed.