He says im in the wrong.. But i truly dont think so?? Long.. sorry..

[JadenMia]

So me and my partner are trying to make things work between us.. We have been arguing alot lately.. and decided to call it quits.. But we both just couldnt leave.. so we decided to just try our best to work at it.
But this christmas has been horrible.. No changes.. no fixing..

He was working most of it, so i was quite pissy that he couldnt spend it with me and my daughter.. But whatever, he's working. Boxing day, he had the afternoon off so i decided we could go shopping together into town. Now, we lost our vehicle temporarily, so we had to try find a ride into town for the 3 of us. Usually my friend will take us whenever hes going too..
But this time my boyfriend said he didnt want to go with him as the stuff he wanted wouldnt fit.

So i said okay, try find a ride for us then.. There is a girl that he has 'been' with before we met.. Even to this day i swear she hits on him all the time.. around me or not.. I am okay friends with her and dont dislike the girl.. Just i hate how she acts around my partner..
So she has a truck and offered to take my boyfriend and his friend who she is 'seeing' right now.. My partner asked if it was cool and i said straight out.. I dont feel comfortable with it. There isnt room for me and my daughter, and i dont like how she is with you..
We got into an argument about how jealous and immature i am.. (I know i can be a very jealous person, im trying to work on it).. But we got into a big fight. So he set off and left with them..

I cant believe he went with her, even though i clearly said that i wouldnt like if he did..
Now i believe he has a right to do whatever he wishes to do, but we are in a relationship.. if there was something he wouldnt like me doing, i wouldnt go and do it anyway.. It just hurts he did.

Now we are in a fight again, he says im being selfish, that he needed to get some furniture and that was his only ride into town, and his only day off work.. But i think hes the one being selfish, i wanted to go shopping too.. but i didnt get to go.. i dont see why he didnt want to spend his day off over christmas with me and my daughter.

Now he's saying im crazy for being upset over this.. I know i have issues myself, but i would like to work on them and him to help me though my jealousy.. but he seems to make it worse..

From an outsiders view.. Do you think i am being silly? Or do u think i have a right to be upset?
I am confused and exhausted from being mad over this.. I just want to know if he is right about me being crazy..

Thankyou in advance.

[SelflessnHumble]

So me and my partner are trying to make things work between us.. We have been arguing alot lately.. and decided to call it quits.. But we both just couldnt leave.. so we decided to just try our best to work at it.
But this christmas has been horrible.. No changes.. no fixing..

I'd like you to stop and think for a second...Do you know how easy it actually is...to
talk to someone you love without arguing, yelling, fighting? Very.
Let me just say another thing as well:

A person who "tries" lays the ground work for failure.
A person determined never stops until they succeed.

He was working most of it, so i was quite pissy that he couldnt spend it with me and my daughter.. But whatever, he's working. Boxing day, he had the afternoon off so i decided we could go shopping together into town. Now, we lost our vehicle temporarily, so we had to try find a ride into town for the 3 of us. Usually my friend will take us whenever hes going too. My boyfriend said he didnt want to go with him as the stuff he wanted wouldnt fit.

You've got an issue with expectations. Stop having them and your quality of life will improve.
It's unreasonable for you to be "pissy" when he has a job to do.
I'm not sure what Boxing day means?

So i said okay, try find a ride for us then.. There is a girl that he has 'been' with before we met.. Even to this day i swear she hits on him all the time.. around me or not.. I am okay friends with her and dont dislike the girl.. Just i hate how she acts around my partner..
So she has a truck and offered to take my boyfriend and his friend who she is 'seeing' right now.. My partner asked if it was cool and i said straight out.. I dont feel comfortable with it. There isnt room for me and my daughter, and i dont like how she is with you..
We got into an argument about how jealous and immature i am.. (I know i can be a very jealous person, im trying to work on it).. But we got into a big fight. So he set off and left with them..

When your man has ties to his ex that he has slept with previously...THIS should be avoided at all costs.
On one hand trust should be playing its role and you should not be jealous, however out of ALL the people
he gets to help him out...he calls his ex? Whether or not you are being unreasonable/jealous he
quickly dismisses your feelings as if they aren't important (RED FLAG) ------>he doesn't respect you.

When a person dismisses your feelings in this manner he already had it in his mind he was going.
No matter if this hurt you or not: he doesn't feel compassion for you either. (RED FLAG)

I cant believe he went with her, even though i clearly said that i wouldnt like if he did..
Now i believe he has a right to do whatever he wishes to do, but we are in a relationship.. if there was something he wouldnt like me doing, i wouldnt go and do it anyway.. It just hurts he did.

See...this is the issue with being with someone that still has ties to his ex!!!
At face value if they remained strictly friends he should be allowed to see whoever he wants.
If it bothers you I have to ask...are you hiding something?
Jealous people usually project their own insecure infidelity on their partner.

Now we are in a fight again, he says im being selfish, that he needed to get some furniture and that was his only ride into town, and his only day off work.. But i think hes the one being selfish, i wanted to go shopping too.. but i didnt get to go..he didnt want to spend his day off over christmas with me and my daughter.

I don't think you were being selfish.
You were just being irrational about the situation.
I will say his piss poor planning yielded the intended result: to have his ex go with him.

He doesn't put you nor your daughter as a priority in his life (RED FLAG)
I think you're being played as a fool and don't deserve this childish treatment.

Now he's saying im crazy for being upset over this.. I know i have issues myself, but i would like to work on them and him to help me though my jealousy.. but he seems to make it worse..

From an outsiders view.. Do you think i am being silly? Or do u think i have a right to be upset?
I am confused and exhausted from being mad over this.. I just want to know if he is right about me being crazy..

Thankyou in advance.

You bring up legitimate complaints that He is unwilling to address.
HE is unwilling to take responsibility for his actions.

You aren't crazy but you base your actions/reactions on emotions and guess what?
THAT right there is crazy! Be slow to speak, slow to anger and assess the situation with reason
and rational thought, not arguing over who is right...because you are seeking validation that will NEVER come.

When someone tells you something, don't say it back (this is what they want)
Instead quiet the mouth, and he will put his foot in his own mouth without you having to argue.

You don't need this drama.

[Boisdevie]

He was working at Xmas so couldn't spend it with you - and you're pissed off? He has a job, he's earning money. OK, you wanted to spend Xmas day together but he was at work - which is a lot different to saying 'honey, I don't 'want to spend Xmas day with you'
So on his only day off he needed to buy furniture and got a lift with his ex and her BF - they were not exactly alone together. Sounds to me like you have some serious issues re jealousy and expectations.

[JadenMia]

Well, i did say i was pissy that he couldnt spend xmas with us because he was working, i was more upset that he didnt come after work and whatnot.. I didnt express to him i was mad for him working..I wasnt mad at all for that. He works until 5 every day.. When he comes home from work he would rather play his new video games and 'chill' rather than make it to come visit us.

I was upset that he didnt come see her gifts that she had opened even after he had done work.. He was too tired because he had worked etc.. I work full time too, but i *always* make time to come see him and make time for us, even if i am exhausted because that is what he wants. He knew how important it was for me for him to come see my daughter and just let her tell him what she got for christmas..
So no, i wasnt mad for him working... i was mad he didnt make the time to come see us.. and to me that felt like a let down for not only me.. but for my daughter.

This certain argument of ours was stupid.. And yes, i dont know why i got so mad over this.. Like i said i do have jealousy issues and i try hard to bite my toungue and count to ten with a lot of the things that is said or done in our relationship. Maybe it was stupid of me to get mad at him for going shopping with someone that he has had ties with before.. I just dont think he should have gone and done it anyway if i told him i wasnt comfortable with it. That is my biggest issue here.. I tried to be calm, truthful and express that i was feeling unsure about it.. More trying to avoid an argument than aything thinking he would understand..But he didnt..
I just have never acted like this with anyone before.. I was with my daughters father for 4 years, and i never had these issues with him. We never had these stupid arguments, i think i have fallen in love with someone immature and selfish.. and he just brings the worst out in me.

I can fully put my hands up and admit i was being irrational.. I can have a tendancy to blow things out of proportion when im upset about something that means alot to me. My daughter.. I just want the best for her, i want a man who will make the time to spend with her, love her as much as he loves me. Wont be too tired for us.. I want the same treatment as i give them.

I have thought over and over about this all night. I have come to a conclusion that this whole relationship is a mess, it has gotten to a point of no return as in controlling and jealousy.. He would have *never* let me go shopping with an ex of mine. I know better than to ask, if i went and did it? He would just completely lose it.
Ths relationship is not fair, he expects so much from me, its exhausting at times.. when i expect anything from him (seeing my daughter after work is not something i would call high expectations, i think any mother would want the same) its crazy i expect it.. Im being silly etc.

And Selflessnhumble, i have never cheated or anything. For the 1st year of our relationship we never had any issues..I was more than satisfied with him in every department. Until we broke up around August time.. I met someone through a friend, we exchanged flirty comments, flirty texts and went out in a group often.. But never further than that. As soon as we got back together it all stopped, i saw it as something to keep me occupied as i tried to get over my ex.. As bad as that may be.. I didnt think we would ever be back together..
All i ever really wanted is for us to be together, be trusting and not have these stupid arguments. It just seems impossible for us.

Iv had enough of it and im leaving. Im going to strong and find it in myself to be happy again.. Get my confidence back, and just be happy with myself instead of constantly wishing i was better for him, as he just always compares me to other girls in general.
My friends hate him, my parents do, i think they are probably the red flags i see most of.. I really do feel head over heels for him though which is the most annoying thing.. He occupies my mind 90% of my day.. I just want to get over this..

Thankyou for your input guys. Its helped.

[Boisdevie]

I read your post and I would like to apologise for what I said. Yes, he does seem to be selfish. If I was exhausted I would still want to see my GF because that's what makes me feel good. I would like to wish you good luck with your future - getting over somebody is not easy but can be done. There are lots of people out there and some of them are nice - try to find one of those.

[JadenMia]

You bring up legitimate complaints that He is unwilling to address.
HE is unwilling to take responsibility for his actions.


This is actually what pissed me off the most.. may i add here
The fact that nothing i ever say is 'okay' to say. My feelings and actions are never taken into account.. Nothing i am ever upset about him doing is valid. This in our WHOLE relationship.. through the whole year is something that frustrates the hell outta me. It is the most annoying, frustrating thing in the world.. Nothing he ever does is wrong. I am never allowed to be upset at anything. It seriously makes me want to scream into a pillow.

[JadenMia]

Boisdevie - Thankyou Yes its going to be tough, its going to break my heart.
I told him this morning that i was leaving. He got into his usual rage of calling me names.. My favourite being 'european trash' LOL...

I am going to tough it out and do this for my daughter.. Iv done it once.. I can do it again.
Thanks again.

[Boisdevie]

Be strong. You are not alone. Talk to us whenever you need to. You WILL find the right person for you. I am sending you virtual hugs - not the same as the real thing but the best I can do. xx

[ProveMeWrong]

You sound like a total bitch.

[JadenMia]

I sound like a bitch.. Because i have a daughter and i want the best for her? I want a man to spend time with us?
Yeah, because those are such bitchy things to expect from a man in a relationship.
Im not a total bitch.. But thanks for the input i guess..

[SelflessnHumble]

You sound like a total bitch.

Is the pot calling the kettle black?
Don't throw stones inside of glass houses.

[SelflessnHumble]

You bring up legitimate complaints that He is unwilling to address.
HE is unwilling to take responsibility for his actions.

This is actually what pissed me off the most.. may i add here
The fact that nothing i ever say is 'okay' to say. My feelings and actions are never taken into account.. Nothing i am ever upset about him doing is valid. This in our WHOLE relationship.. through the whole year is something that frustrates the hell outta me. It is the most annoying, frustrating thing in the world.. Nothing he ever does is wrong. I am never allowed to be upset at anything. It seriously makes me want to scream into a pillow.

THIS is because he feels you are beneath him and he feels self entitled to everything while you are not allowed to express your feelings.
What is worse is that he invalidates them. When I disagree with my girl I don't yell, insult her or get angry. She has the right to her own opinion every time
no matter how right or wrong it may appear to be or sound. It does not mean I have to agree with her or face a night on the couch, know what I mean? Besides a real man asserts himself in how he treats his woman. You're an emotional
punching bag for this undeserving scum.

You have a right to feel upset about him blowing you off on Christmas day of all things.
It is very obvious it meant a lot to you, but for him it didn't mean anything, spending it with his ex of all people.

You don't however have the right to act out your feelings by acting belligerent towards him.
He IS the way he IS and it is obvious you and your daughter are not enough for him to warrant
him taking a good hard look into a mirror, and take responsibility for what he has done.

Ditch that loser and mental abuser.
You need the most stable possible environment for your daughter and THIS means
choosing better mates. You owe it to your daughter, not yourself. She is priority #1

[JadenMia]

Ah, you are so right and i completely agree with everything you have said here.. You just make complete sense to me, even on the criticism.
All i want is to find a decent man, whom i love and he loves us both back. One thing i will not tolerate is a man wanting a relationship with me but not my daughter.. I am ashamed i let it go on for so long but i can makeit rght again.

Ugh, i hate to think of him out of my life.. I still after all this think the world of this guy but in time i hope i see what my friends and family see..
I will be trying my best to occupy my time and fight the need to go see him.. Thats going to be the hardest thing, as he begs me back and promises me everything.
Im going to buy myself some new movies, books.. Keep myself entertained

THANKYOU guys so much!!
It really helps to hear an unbiased opinion.
Wish me luck!!!!

[SelflessnHumble]

Ah, you are so right and i completely agree with everything you have said here.. You just make complete sense to me, even on the criticism.
All i want is to find a decent man, whom i love and he loves us both back. One thing i will not tolerate is a man wanting a relationship with me but not my daughter.. I am ashamed i let it go on for so long but i can makeit rght again.

Ugh, i hate to think of him out of my life.. I still after all this think the world of this guy but in time i hope i see what my friends and family see..
I will be trying my best to occupy my time and fight the need to go see him.. Thats going to be the hardest thing, as he begs me back and promises me everything.
Im going to buy myself some new movies, books.. Keep myself entertained

THANKYOU guys so much!!
It really helps to hear an unbiased opinion.
Wish me luck!!!!

This is awesome news and I'm so thankful I could be of some help to you!
I've been there and just so you know I (then) took for granted my love of my life.
It wasn't until I discovered how true unconditional love was supposed to feel like and be
that I made a change in which seemed to transcend my entire soul to never before seen and felt heights.

Do you see what happened?
When you finally made the right choice for your family HE noticed this and now wants to apologize.
The proof isn't in his words...it is in his actions.

It will be hard on you at first because most people lose control of their emotions
and allow them to feel like they are "missing" something on the inside... (the guy)

When you can look in the mirror and say to yourself, "You know, I did the very best that I'm capable of
and it still wasn't enough for this man to accept me and to love me the way I was willing give him..."

You make a clean break and don't focus on the "what if" and what could have been because
he has shown you what type of man he his. He's not good enough for you and definitely not a good role
model for your daughter. See, had you chose to stay with him: your daughter will pick up on
your arguments and his bitterness -which can affect a learning child's mind as they grow.

Not a good thing because indoctrination is real and I know you don't want her making the same poor
choices in men 10-15 years down the line as you've had.

I wish you all of the best, I really do and have a happy New Year!
Make those resolutions for you and your daughter and make them happen!
I guarantee a positive aura will emanate from your soul and you will find a great man for you!