Is kiss a very serious deal?

[benjamin99]

I like this girl who is my coworker, I had a first date -- not a really date, it is not claimed as a date -- with her tonight, we went to bar to had beers and wine, then, we went to my apartment had some talking, everything was fine, may be the atmosphere was not as romantic as it could be, just some normal conversation.

But when I asked to kiss her, I was refused.

I know it was not a weired thing that I was refused, it could happen for many many reasons, I just want to know what exactly she was thinking. What she said is this is only the first time we hang out together, she just treat me as a friend.

But I think she intended to hang out with me, at least before tonight, so I am not sure if it is I messed it up during the dating tonight.

It is not a big deal to have a kiss, right? We handed together and I touched her body when we are talking sitting on sofa.

So I really confused, now I feel very hurt, because I think maybe it is me that are not so attractive which must be the root reason.

So sad.

[benjamin99]

ok, think it as this, the girl wanted to came to my apartment, at night, after some beers, what does this mean? I don't have much knowledge on how other people dates, what I think is if a girl could visit my apt. at night it means anything could happen.

so, that is one reason I thought I messed the anything-could-happen night. no sex, no kiss.

[Gribble]

If a girl comes to my apartment after a night out drinking I assume she wants to have sex. Kissing isn't even in question at that point.

Your mistake was asking. No girl wants to be asked. When the moment is right you lean in and you kiss her. Sounds like you really screwed something up if you got her back to your apartment but didn't even manage a smooch. Are you socially awkward or something? Did you weird her out? Is she socially awkward?

[benjamin99]

If a girl comes to my apartment after a night out drinking I assume she wants to have sex. Kissing isn't even in question at that point.

Your mistake was asking. No girl wants to be asked. When the moment is right you lean in and you kiss her. Sounds like you really screwed something up if you got her back to your apartment but didn't even manage a smooch. Are you socially awkward or something? Did you weird her out? Is she socially awkward?

OMG, I can't sleep!!!! I am socially awkward. I am crazy now, I screwed whole thing up...

[benjamin99]

If a girl comes to my apartment after a night out drinking I assume she wants to have sex. Kissing isn't even in question at that point.

Your mistake was asking. No girl wants to be asked. When the moment is right you lean in and you kiss her. Sounds like you really screwed something up if you got her back to your apartment but didn't even manage a smooch. Are you socially awkward or something? Did you weird her out? Is she socially awkward?

I am certainly socially awkward when starting a relationship with a new girl.
I know that what it means, I also assumed that tonight would be a great night that can have sex. I just screwed it up.
I might weird her out, I certainly weird myself out.

[Boisdevie]

You do not ask to kiss someone - you just go for it if you feel that the moment is right. Sometimes it works, sometimes it does not. Example - first date with my ex I tried to kiss her and she moved away. Second date no kiss. 3rd date - sex - there are no rules with dating. That's the first rule.

[SelflessnHumble]

I like this girl who is my coworker

This is your first mistake...dating a coworker.

I asked to kiss her, I was refused.

This was your 2nd mistake. Thousands of thoughts flood her mind but kissing you wasn't one of them.
Besides, you don't ever "ask" to kiss a woman. Do you also initiate sexual intercourse by asking for it?

I know it was not a weired thing that I was refused, it could happen for many many reasons, I just want to know what exactly she was thinking. What she said is this is only the first time we hang out together, she just treat me as a friend.

Truth be told Ben, you could have nipped this whole thing in the butt had you asked her these questions instead of a forum.
How are we to know what her thoughts consist of? No one knows...only her.

It is not a big deal to have a kiss, right? We handed together and I touched her body when we are talking sitting on sofa.

So I really confused, now I feel very hurt, because I think maybe it is me that are not so attractive which must be the root reason. So sad.

Women can be strange and fickle.
I knew a woman who once told me that told me I could "F her" but no kissing (her words not mine)
I also knew a woman who would only allow ana- never mind lol!

In your case she could see a kiss as serious business or as a huge step
she was not willing to take. Touching her body means nothing because she may not value
her body as sacred when it comes to "touching" it.

For the next time:

-Find out how your perspective mate feels about you.
-Find out whether or not there is chemistry.
-Don't ever ask to kiss a woman. The moment and feeling should tell you, not a question answered.

Most women feel this is unromantic and pretty tacky.

Last, don't set yourself up for failure by avoiding the key issues I've addressed above.