"I need time to think"

[jzsprinter]

Those words from my gf have resonated in my mind for over 5 months since she suddenly dumped me. I'm new to dating so I have 0 experience in this sort of thing. I spent my high school years as a combination of a nerd and a jock, excelling in academics, athletics, and all my extracurricular activities. I had a graduation party in June and it was the first time we saw each other in several years (her family has been friends with my family for a long time) and we instantly took an interest to each other. We dated for a few weeks and then one night she invited me to hang out with her and dumped me in public. To this day, I've been deeply affected and I haven't been able to live a normal life because she was the only girl to ever come to like and respect me. Also, making me feel even worse is the fact that I did so many great things for her and her family without wanting anything in return besides friendship. I just don't know where to go with this?

[Boisdevie]

YOu can only move on. Relatonships end and it's crap - but most of us come to grips with it and find somebody new.

[jzsprinter]

YOu can only move on. Relatonships end and it's crap - but most of us come to grips with it and find somebody new.

The pain has just been with me everyday because it was such a huge loss to me since she was the only girl to ever come to like me and respect me.

[SelflessnHumble]

Those words from my gf have resonated in my mind for over 5 months since she suddenly dumped me. I'm new to dating so I have 0 experience in this sort of thing. I spent my high school years as a combination of a nerd and a jock, excelling in academics, athletics, and all my extracurricular activities. I had a graduation party in June and it was the first time we saw each other in several years (her family has been friends with my family for a long time) and we instantly took an interest to each other. We dated for a few weeks and then one night she invited me to hang out with her and dumped me in public. To this day, I've been deeply affected and I haven't been able to live a normal life because she was the only girl to ever come to like and respect me. Also, making me feel even worse is the fact that I did so many great things for her and her family without wanting anything in return besides friendship. I just don't know where to go with this?

Your priorities are not in the correct order.
When it comes to academics and your future: You are priority #1
You are doing yourself dishonor by giving someone who isn't worthy of your time:
a reason to linger inside of your mind.

The very fact you have zero experience is the exact reason WHY you "feel" as you do.
Your feelings need to put in check which means you need to be in control of your emotions.
When you barely met her: You discarded your judgment and intuition all in the name of "love" for this girl.
You've first got to take responsibility for allowing someone we now know isn't trust worthy of your love nor time.
Had you exercised caution by being insightful this may not have happened to you.

Now we come to the heart of the matter: Your experience.
When you meet someone's parents: There is never a guarantee that allowing them into your life
will formulate either a reason for her to stay, OR for you to be around her "regardless" if your
parents are friends with hers and regardless if you have done "great things" for hers...It is irrelevant.

This is called an experience, lesson learned (I hope)
If you had a graduation party: inviting her was a bad call on your part and if
you are going to tell me "oh, I didn't invite her: she just showed up" You are still on the hook for
not acting and preempting a surprise visit at your party. You could have called her and
told her you don't want her there, right? It isn't mean if you still have feelings for her dude.

She dumped you because she did not want a meaningful relationship (and you did)
Obviously this creates dissonance and feelings of hurt...How do you get over someone?

-Experience.
-Keeping busy and by meeting new people.

A person who hurts you like this in this sudden manner didn't care about you.
Why honor her with your constant thoughts, feelings and actions of irrationality?

It doesn't matter how close you two were: That is now over and gone!
You now need to accept this fact and until you do: you will not get over her.
Everyone copes in their own way but common sense, man...
In order for true closure to happen: You must take responsibility for your actions/inaction.
AND you must accept the truth: It is over and you have a life to live without her in it.

You just have to man up and do the right thing.
You know what you have to do: You are just afraid of letting her go (even though she's already gone)

[jzsprinter]

Your priorities are not in the correct order.
When it comes to academics and your future: You are priority #1
You are doing yourself dishonor by giving someone who isn't worthy of your time:
a reason to linger inside of your mind.

The very fact you have zero experience is the exact reason WHY you "feel" as you do.
Your feelings need to put in check which means you need to be in control of your emotions.
When you barely met her: You discarded your judgment and intuition all in the name of "love" for this girl.
You've first got to take responsibility for allowing someone we now know isn't trust worthy of your love nor time.
Had you exercised caution by being insightful this may not have happened to you.

Now we come to the heart of the matter: Your experience.
When you meet someone's parents: There is never a guarantee that allowing them into your life
will formulate either a reason for her to stay, OR for you to be around her "regardless" if your
parents are friends with hers and regardless if you have done "great things" for hers...It is irrelevant.

This is called an experience, lesson learned (I hope)
If you had a graduation party: inviting her was a bad call on your part and if
you are going to tell me "oh, I didn't invite her: she just showed up" You are still on the hook for
not acting and preempting a surprise visit at your party. You could have called her and
told her you don't want her there, right? It isn't mean if you still have feelings for her dude.

She dumped you because she did not want a meaningful relationship (and you did)
Obviously this creates dissonance and feelings of hurt...How do you get over someone?

-Experience.
-Keeping busy and by meeting new people.

A person who hurts you like this in this sudden manner didn't care about you.
Why honor her with your constant thoughts, feelings and actions of irrationality?

It doesn't matter how close you two were: That is now over and gone!
You now need to accept this fact and until you do: you will not get over her.
Everyone copes in their own way but common sense, man...
In order for true closure to happen: You must take responsibility for your actions/inaction.
AND you must accept the truth: It is over and you have a life to live without her in it.

You just have to man up and do the right thing.
You know what you have to do: You are just afraid of letting her go (even though she's already gone)

Wow what a response thank you! Just to clear up a few things up:

-my academics and future are #1 in my life and have always been #1 which is why I'm currently studying at one of the top technical universities in the country
-we were never really close friends before my grad party and my mom invited nearly her whole family because my mom and her aunt are best friends

She was the ONLY one to actually take an attraction to me and give me respect and I have so much respect for her for doing that because she likes me for who I am as a person. I live a life of integrity and I like doing good things for others and all I wanted back in this instance was just friendship. That was the ONE time in my entire life that I felt loved by someone outside of my family.

[SelflessnHumble]

She was the ONLY one to actually take an attraction to me and give me respect and I have so much respect for her for doing that because she likes me for who I am as a person.

She won't be the last, and you need to STOP seeing her as some wondrous and incredibly charitable person for doing so.

You're a great catch, are highly intelligent and seemingly a very nice guy.
All you need is some self realization that you are a very good person with talents and traits deserving of a woman
who loves, honors and respects you (unlike her) because IF she had: She wouldn't have done you in this fashion.

DO you also see the irony?
She as the only one to take an attraction to you and give you respect and conversely she is also the
only one to disrespect you and dump you, yet you are choosing to see her for what she was and what she had done...
Not for what she IS and what she DID. -Big difference.

I live a life of integrity and I like doing good things for others and all I wanted back in this instance was just friendship. That was the ONE time in my entire life that I felt loved by someone outside of my family.

(1) She did not practice (nor honor) the same principle of integrity (towards you) as you did for her.

(2) You are still having (unrealistic) expectations that aren't being met...

-The very definition of charity is to do something that doesn't require or warrant reciprocity YET you wanted something in return-even if it was just friendship.
-Life doesn't work that way. Sometimes you will pay not to play and others you will reap rewards for doing nothing.
-Life is all about acclimating to uncertainty utilizing an open mind and prudent planning.

It will not be the last time you will feel loved by someone outside the family, just like
she won't be the last one to dump you or disrespect you, see? Life is all about experiences man.
Some are great, others are good and many are just plain awful: but you learn from each one good or bad!
Living a good life means applying the knowledge contained in each experience. The more: The more astute you will become and
the better you will become adept to handling social situations in the future.

[jzsprinter]

She won't be the last, and you need to STOP seeing her as some wondrous and incredibly charitable person for doing so.

You're a great catch, are highly intelligent and seemingly a very nice guy.
All you need is some self realization that you are a very good person with talents and traits deserving of a woman
who loves, honors and respects you (unlike her) because IF she had: She wouldn't have done you in this fashion.

DO you also see the irony?
She as the only one to take an attraction to you and give you respect and conversely she is also the
only one to disrespect you and dump you, yet you are choosing to see her for what she was and what she had done...
Not for what she IS and what she DID. -Big difference.



(1) She did not practice (nor honor) the same principle of integrity (towards you) as you did for her.

(2) You are still having (unrealistic) expectations that aren't being met...

-The very definition of charity is to do something that doesn't require or warrant reciprocity YET you wanted something in return-even if it was just friendship.
-Life doesn't work that way. Sometimes you will pay not to play and others you will reap rewards for doing nothing.
-Life is all about acclimating to uncertainty utilizing an open mind and prudent planning.

It will not be the last time you will feel loved by someone outside the family, just like
she won't be the last one to dump you or disrespect you, see? Life is all about experiences man.
Some are great, others are good and many are just plain awful: but you learn from each one good or bad!
Living a good life means applying the knowledge contained in each experience. The more: The more astute you will become and
the better you will become adept to handling social situations in the future.

Thank you once again for your wonderful and wise words of wisdom. It's a true testament to your character and it shows me the extent to which people are willing to help.

The reason that I see her "as some wondrous and incredibly charitable person" is because I'll willingly admit that I'm a very quiet and reserved person with sub-par social skills, but she was the only one to look beyond that, which in my opinion is something very special that no one has ever done for me before. Also I have a theory of sorts that I am sorry to admit probably sounds racist so I apologize in advance. I feel that white girls generally don't like Asian guys. I'm mixed, half Asian and half white, but to Americans I seem to take on much more of an Asian external look so I'm always assumed to be Asian. She was the only one to look past that and actually take an attraction to my unique background.

[SelflessnHumble]

Thank you once again for your wonderful and wise words of wisdom. It's a true testament to your character and it shows me the extent to which people are willing to help.

The reason that I see her "as some wondrous and incredibly charitable person" is because I'll willingly admit that I'm a very quiet and reserved person with sub-par social skills, but she was the only one to look beyond that, which in my opinion is something very special that no one has ever done for me before. Also I have a theory of sorts that I am sorry to admit probably sounds racist so I apologize in advance. I feel that white girls generally don't like Asian guys. I'm mixed, half Asian and half white, but to Americans I seem to take on much more of an Asian external look so I'm always assumed to be Asian. She was the only one to look past that and actually take an attraction to my unique background.

You're very welcome!
It's hard to find good people but the main focal point of a good person
lies in their consistency. When a women bases a relationship on anything other than unconditional love:
It is bound to fail. This doesn't mean that a woman feels U.L. right away, no...but see...
If a girl respects you before you are together, she respects you long after you're gone.
If it is just "while we are together" then really what would you classify this as? (Surely not love, right?) Certainly not respect.

Many people are quiet and reserved and even more are so with social awkwardness!
Now, I cannot take away that she came up to you: and that you construe this to be some wonderful characteristic
but consider the fact: She is used to approaching people and some girls actually LOVE to talk to shy men!
Some even think it is cute when a guy blushes, gets quiet and clammy!

Stereotypes needn't apply bro.

I'm Italian. In my experience:

Philipinas, latinas, puerto ricans, white girl cheerleaders, ghetto girls
chinese, japanese, Sri Lankan and Persian girls have all liked me. These stereotypes meant
nothing when I got to know them and they got to know me.

White women can love any one from any race. (Just like the aforementioned cultures)
It all matters on how you project yourself.

Concentrate on what matters most.

[jzsprinter]

You're very welcome!
It's hard to find good people but the main focal point of a good person
lies in their consistency. When a women bases a relationship on anything other than unconditional love:
It is bound to fail. This doesn't mean that a woman feels U.L. right away, no...but see...
If a girl respects you before you are together, she respects you long after you're gone.
If it is just "while we are together" then really what would you classify this as? (Surely not love, right?) Certainly not respect.

Many people are quiet and reserved and even more are so with social awkwardness!
Now, I cannot take away that she came up to you: and that you construe this to be some wonderful characteristic
but consider the fact: She is used to approaching people and some girls actually LOVE to talk to shy men!
Some even think it is cute when a guy blushes, gets quiet and clammy!

Stereotypes needn't apply bro.

I'm Italian. In my experience:

Philipinas, latinas, puerto ricans, white girl cheerleaders, ghetto girls
chinese, japanese, Sri Lankan and Persian girls have all liked me. These stereotypes meant
nothing when I got to know them and they got to know me.

White women can love any one from any race. (Just like the aforementioned cultures)
It all matters on how you project yourself.

Concentrate on what matters most.

Yes I do consider the fact that she partly approached me as something very special and worthy of praise because she chose to be a free-thinker and in a sense, a contrarian. She was the only one to put all other reasons why I'm not approached by any girls at all aside and saw me for who I am. That is something that not one girl has ever done in my 18 years on this earth. Yes I know you'll say that it's not a very long time but it is a length of time during which one can make these observations. Also that was a good point about girls talking to shy men. I hadn't even considered it. Thanks for bringing it up.

Also consider that at least you had the chance to be with that many girls from all those ethnic backgrounds. I had no such chance and from my experience, I'm discriminated against because people are ignorant and again, she was the only one who wasn't ignorant.