Expectations

[Loveisnoteasy]

We all have expectations in our relationships, but do you expect your loved one to meet them and if he does not would you be upset. I tell my girlfriend that your expectations are killing our relationship. One cannot base a relationship on expectations because no one can always live up to them. I have expectations, but as long as they come close and even if they don't I dont get upset over it. My girlfriend on the other hand, she really gets upset and angry. Her reply to me about expectations is that why should I not have expectations of my boyfriend? I don't think I should compromise on certain expectations. I once told her to read a book that was about not trying to change your man, and change yourself. It was about expectations and how women have a fantasy their bf or husband is a prince in a shining armor. If you really truly love someone as long as he not treating you like dirt, beat you, mentally abuses, you just to accept him for who he is. I myself is not the most romantic person in world, even thoughtful(sometimes) but I treat my girlfriend with respect and care a lot for her. I try to help her mentally, physically, and do things that can save her money. (I renovated her bathrooms in her house). But no once can always be prince charming, I do a lot of little things for her, but still get bitched at when I don't jump when she wants me to jump. We recently had a fight and have not talked to her since, she texted me when I was coming up to her house and I replied after rush hour with is about 6-630. She said that she was not feeling good and her childrens friends came over unexpectedly and she had no food and that she did not want to leave them at home ( her oldest child is 15). I texted her to just call and order pizza to pickup or have it delivered. She got pissed at me, I was at a friends party that invited me at the last minute just got there and I had to pick up package (Christmas gift) for her daughter (12/23) at my parents house. I stayed for like 40min, drove to my parents house and up to her house total time 1.5 hrs of driving due to heavy holiday traffic and rush hour. When I got there no one was home. She was dropping off the kids, and heading to her moms for pizza. Now she never ordered the food and she pissed at me cause I did not come up when she asked me to. If it was an emergency I would have drove up in a heartbeat, but for me to drive 1.5 hrs ( at least close to an hr usually in rush hr) to pickup food! She could have it delivered. When I asked her if she mad she say yes and said for what expecting me come up to pickup food, when you could have ordered it. She says you would rather hang with your friends then for once just come up early to get food for me. I just said that is the most selfish thing to ask anyone to drive over an hour to get food if you can do it yourself dosent matter if you have a headache or not. So I walked away. She was still mad the next day and left the house with her children to eat lunch with their aunt and did not say a word at all to me about it. So immature..
So do you ladies how do you handle when your expectations are not met are they really that important to you? Would you get really mad or even break up with your boyfriend for it?

[Boisdevie]

I'm a guy but sounds to me like her expectations are unreasonable. If you love someone then you don't make them jump through hoops. You try to be reasonable in your demands. If she expects you to drive an hour to pickup food that she could quite easily do herself she needs her head looking at.

[MerryH]

She does sound a bit unreasonable, but I'll play devil's advocate here:

If you really truly love someone as long as he not treating you like dirt, beat you, mentally abuses, you just to accept him for who he is

That's it? That's the extent of your responsibilities to your partner? Like, she should just be happy that you're not a huge asshole who beats her ass and she should ignore the things you do that bother her? Normally, people require more than that. I, for one, am literally awesome so I deserve more than just not having my ass kicked. I know you're aware that we all have expectations, but the fact that you say things like the above quote might mean that you're not being a very good boyfriend because you feel like she shouldn't expect much from you, therefore you don't deliver enough. So maybe she's been pissed off about your indifference for a while and this is the last straw?

But to answer your question, would I be pissed if I called up my boyfriend and said, "Hey, I'm really not feeling well and there are guests here. Could you please help me out and bring over some food as soon as you can?" and his reply was, "Nah. I don't want to drive in traffic. Just have something delivered." Yeah, I'd be a little pissed. Just a little. I'd probably be thinking, "Damn, I need some help here and if I can't depend on my boyfriend for help, then WTF?" But ultimately I would realize that I was asking for a big favor which I'm not entitled to, so I would get over it quickly and only mention in passing that it would have been super cool of him to save the day with some pizza. It wouldn't devolve into a fight or anything.

[Loveisnoteasy]

That's it? That's the extent of your responsibilities to your partner? Like, she should just be happy that you're not a huge asshole who beats her ass and she should ignore the things you do that bother her? Normally, people require more than that. I, for one, am literally awesome so I deserve more than just not having my ass kicked. I know you're aware that we all have expectations, but the fact that you say things like the above quote might mean that you're not being a very good boyfriend because you feel like she shouldn't expect much from you, therefore you don't deliver enough. So maybe she's been pissed off about your indifference for a while and this is the last straw?

I think you are mis understanding me. I have done a lot of things for her. Let me give you an example. I went and renovated 2 of her bathrooms, I have cleaned her stove on numerous occasions, I cook and clean for her and her children, go out of my way to get things she needs without her asking me, I try to help her save money by looking for the best deals on things she needs. You know the saying it's the little things you do not the big things. All my friends that I talk to especially the female ones tell I do a lot and all I get in return is her bitching. Let me give you an example of an incident of her bitching and her expectation. When we go food shopping I bring all the food in maybe once I did not and she bitched at me for it. ( it ceaste to amaze me she don't say anything to her children to bring in the groceries) I have not yelled but say you know I have more stuff to bring in (my house) and just come up drop the bags you brought up and turn on the tv and comp and kick back. So one time at my house we were running late so I went upstairs to the kitchen and prepped food for dinner. She was downstairs getting clothes in the dryer. I her her yelling at me for not going back down to help bring up couple of bags she brought in. Of she mention when I said to her about bring stuff up, but how can you compare watching tv and c going on the compter to prepping to cook dinner. I said all you have to do is tell me, no need for yelling.

On your me getting food, she did not ask me to bring food up when I come up. She wanted me to come up right away or asap. First I was waiting for a package( xmas gift) for her daughter, by the time I get there (1+hr drive) if her childrens friends were hungry the would starving by the time I get there. If I was like 15min away I would but not 1.5 hrs in traffic. Not for food she can order herself. No one I know would do it. That is a really unreasonable expectation for me to do. I not sure about you I hate to drive in holiday traffic.
Sorry if my story telling is all terrible, can't really proofread on my iPhone.

[doppelgaenger]

I'm curious why you didn't just call up the pizza place and order the pizza for delivery to wherever she was at. This is what I'd have done (I'm a guy). Then I'd have called her up and said "Get your wallet ready, pizza is on its way for delivery!" And if she would have bitched at me for that, as if I'm supposed to drive all over hell all day long and bring her groceries on a golden platter, I'd point out how unreasonable she is being and if she wants me to continue doing favors for her, then she should appreciate the efforts I do make.

Otherwise, you sound like you're pretty lazy to me. Yeah, she might be unreasonable at times (I totally would not deal with her yelling at me!), but your whole spiel about how she should just shut up and be happy with you because you don't beat her around is beyond ridiculous. If you don't believe me, try walking into a bar and picking up chicks with that line.

[Loveisnoteasy]

but your whole spiel about how she should just shut up and be happy with you because you don't beat her around is beyond ridiculous. If you don't believe me, try walking into a bar and picking up chicks with that line.

That was just a figure of speech. Calling on the pizza thing I would of but don't have the number to the pizza place. She also complains that I hang out with my friends too much or I choose them over her. I spend most of my time (not including alone time meaning I'm sleeping or doing work) with her. I don't hang out with my friends when I am with her (meaning I dont leave her to hang out), and the times that I do hang out with my friends (they are working they own their own business) she is working or heading home or waiting for traffic to die down to head up to her house. So, I dont really call that hanging out with my friends. She says she doesnt mind but I call BS if I would leave her to hang with my friends at night. But its ok for her to hang out with her friends once in a while ( I dont care I encourage it leave me alone LOL. so I can hang out or play video games). She also expects me to be like a perfect boyfriend, and attend to her every needs. NO one can do that!

[MerryH]

I'm curious why you didn't just call up the pizza place and order the pizza for delivery to wherever she was at. This is what I'd have done (I'm a guy). Then I'd have called her up and said "Get your wallet ready, pizza is on its way for delivery!" And if she would have bitched at me for that, as if I'm supposed to drive all over hell all day long and bring her groceries on a golden platter, I'd point out how unreasonable she is being and if she wants me to continue doing favors for her, then she should appreciate the efforts I do make.

Haha. As if getting pizzas delivered to someone's house is doing them a favor. This is what you do when you're 12 and want to pull a prank. "Hello, Dominoes? Yes, I'd like to order 12 anchovy pizzas LOL."

OP, do this. Prank your girlfriend. Then when she yells at you for it, tell her you're breaking up with her for being a huge bitch.

[doppelgaenger]

Haha. As if getting pizzas delivered to someone's house is doing them a favor. This is what you do when you're 12 and want to pull a prank. "Hello, Dominoes? Yes, I'd like to order 12 anchovy pizzas LOL."

OP, do this. Prank your girlfriend. Then when she yells at you for it, tell her you're breaking up with her for being a huge bitch.

It's doing them a favor when they are too stupid to think of that themselves, ha. That would be a pretty entertaining breakup, though

[doppelgaenger]

but your whole spiel about how she should just shut up and be happy with you because you don't beat her around is beyond ridiculous. If you don't believe me, try walking into a bar and picking up chicks with that line.

That was just a figure of speech. Calling on the pizza thing I would of but don't have the number to the pizza place. She also complains that I hang out with my friends too much or I choose them over her. I spend most of my time (not including alone time meaning I'm sleeping or doing work) with her. I don't hang out with my friends when I am with her (meaning I dont leave her to hang out), and the times that I do hang out with my friends (they are working they own their own business) she is working or heading home or waiting for traffic to die down to head up to her house. So, I dont really call that hanging out with my friends. She says she doesnt mind but I call BS if I would leave her to hang with my friends at night. But its ok for her to hang out with her friends once in a while ( I dont care I encourage it leave me alone LOL. so I can hang out or play video games). She also expects me to be like a perfect boyfriend, and attend to her every needs. NO one can do that!

You're way too defensive. If my gf criticized me that much, that often, I would simply break up with her. Can't you do this? I'm betting she won't change at all...

[sarahprincess]

but your whole spiel about how she should just shut up and be happy with you because you don't beat her around is beyond ridiculous. If you don't believe me, try walking into a bar and picking up chicks with that line.

That was just a figure of speech. Calling on the pizza thing I would of but don't have the number to the pizza place. She also complains that I hang out with my friends too much or I choose them over her. I spend most of my time (not including alone time meaning I'm sleeping or doing work) with her. I don't hang out with my friends when I am with her (meaning I dont leave her to hang out), and the times that I do hang out with my friends (they are working they own their own business) she is working or heading home or waiting for traffic to die down to head up to her house. So, I dont really call that hanging out with my friends. She says she doesnt mind but I call BS if I would leave her to hang with my friends at night. But its ok for her to hang out with her friends once in a while ( I dont care I encourage it leave me alone LOL. so I can hang out or play video games). She also expects me to be like a perfect boyfriend, and attend to her every needs. NO one can do that!

Someone can live up to her standards. Just because you think its crazy doesnt mean you are right. I've heard that line before, and many guys or gals just dont care enough to make that a priority in a relationship. Now granted, the pizza one is a little ridiculous, but I'm sure you have fowled up on many occasions and this could be aftermath of that. She is most likely sick of a boyfriend who always complains about helping her out. So what? You fix things. So many guys can and would do that just to be nice. Try harder man.

[red_sparrow]

dude

she's lucky you even have a car. let me tell you that from experience, okay. =/

[Loveisnoteasy]

Now granted, the pizza one is a little ridiculous, but I'm sure you have fowled up on many occasions and this could be aftermath of that. She is most likely sick of a boyfriend who always complains about helping her out. So what? You fix things. So many guys can and would do that just to be nice. Try harder man.
I tell you the truth I don't think I fowl up to most people standards. There are plenty of guys who do it but there are plenty of times but there are many of them who have hidden agendas too. Tell me if any of your guys would renovate 2 bathrooms for free? (not being your boyfriend) And that just naming one. Why don't you give me some examples of what you expect from your boyfriend? Living up to anyone standards should be reasonable, but the truth is no one can live up to all your standards.
There is a saying “Anger always comes from frustrated expectations”

[MerryH]

I think most of the responses you've gotten here are attempting to get you to look at your own behavior with a bit more discernment. The consensus seems to be that your girlfriend is too needy sometimes and also bitchy about it, but I think everyone's picking up the notion that you're maybe not doing enough. It's the way you talk about it. It really comes off as you thinking that you have no fault at all so you've never really felt the need to change. You just want her to change. You even asked her to read some book about how she should change. (By the way, a book?! Ahaha. Why not just, you know, talk to her about this and come to an understanding? A ****ing book!)

You both need to change, but that won't happen if you're stubborn and argumentative (like you are here.) The alternative is breaking up with her, and presumably you don't want that, otherwise you wouldn't be posting here. So listen to what people (including your girlfriend) are saying to you, instead of arguing and defending yourself. I mean, if you want to break up with her, then break up with her. You have good enough reason(s).

Cue another post that contains "But I renovated her BATHROOMS! Doesn't that mean anything anymore?!"