Please help. I'm going crazy for her.

[longingforher]

Hi
I’m new to this forum. I am after some advice or guidance please.
16 and a bit years ago I met a girl who I instantly fell in love with at first sight. She had this inner beauty and beautiful personality that could bring any person to their knees. We were both 15 years old. The relationship never progressed past the friendship phase. I was too shy to ask her out and I was too worried that she would say no. I used to wear glasses and was never confident with my appearance. For 2 and a half years it was just “hi hi”, “can you help me with this?” “can I help you with that?” “Did you watch that movie last night?” etc. After that my family was moving overseas so I had to move with them. No internet or email in those days so I lost contact with this girl.
The years passed and I would literally think about her morning noon and night. I couldn’t hold onto a relationship because I kept thinking of her. I broke up with many a wonderful woman because I used to compare them to this girl. I have not been able to hold onto a single relationship for more than a couple of months.
My life has moved forward and I have a successful career, successful investments and I am not a shy person anymore. I ooze with confidence except for matters of the heart. The only part of me not to move forward is my heart. It seems like it is locked in a time warp 16 years ago. I cannot stop thinking about her no matter how hard I try. Everytime I hear a song from the 90s that she used to listen to I automatically reminisce and can’t stop thinking about her.
2 years ago a mutual friend of ours from 16 years ago got in contact with me and told me she is now married and has been for 3 years and has moved to the USA (I’m in the UK).
I have thought endlessly about contacting her but I always stop myself because if she is married I do not want to break up a happy home. I would prefer to just live in misery and not get between a husband and wife.
How do I get over her? What do I do? I know some of you will say I need to seek professional help, but please tell me there is another way. I don’t want to see a shrink. I feel like I’m going crazy. At 31 I should be enjoying life not being stuck in the past. I just can’t get her out of my mind.
Thankyou all in advance.

[Boisdevie]

If you can't get over this after such a long time I suggest some kind of therapy. At your age you should be out 'there' having fun. You are stuck in the past so therapy might be your only option.

[xxazurexx]

Let's put it this. It's a long time since you last saw her and she will have changed....a lot and because people do change. She was only 15 back then, now she will be a woman in her early 30's.....probably married and with children and if she was as beautiful as you reckon - some other man would have snapped her up long ago.

Oh, I see she is married.....well LEAVE HER ALONE and go and seek help for your obsessiveness. You are obsessed with someone, you didn't even hardly know...... It isn't healthy....

[devonbrown]

What makes you think that by contacting her you will be breaking up her marriage? If she has married someone else, there is a [I]very good chance[I] that she has not been obsessing over you the same way you have been obsessing over her. She may have fond memories and may even want to be friends with you, but that is the extent that you should be considering. And it is fond memories that you should realize is what you have. Everything else is a fantasy extension that your mind created.

Try to focus more on you and your life that you are leading. That may help you think less about her and even give you some more things to discuss if you ever do make contact with her again.

[Raze]

You get over her by finding someone else. Get over it. You don't need therapy. Grow a pair and go after some women. Don't give us this crap about "no one can compare to her" because that's total BS. If you really believe that, then get used to being alone. Move on and let us know how it goes.