Trying to fix a 5 year relationship ASAP!

[Miggy15]

I am a sophomore in college and I have known my girlfriend since highschool. We are high school sweet hearts. We have been together for about five years. On Jan. 7th it will be our five years. But I'm having a little problem. Since I came back from my thanksgiving trip she has been acting strange. She doesn't hangout with me as much as she used to, not affectionate, and always ditching me for her friends. As I write this I am waiting for her to come over from her friends house she said she would be here around 9 it's already ten. I have tried to talk to her but she always cuts me off. Or she will bring her friend into the situation so she could back her up. Which as many people know it's extremely annoying and frustrating. She is not cheating on me or anything all she does is go partying and getting drunk with her friends. She did cheat on me in highschool and I forgived her. I treat her better than I treat my mom and I think she is just taking advantage. She tells me she loves me and knows I'm hurt but she still doesn't do nothing about it. This has been going on since thanksgiving. Before then we were perfect. And I am starting to get depressed and thinking of breaking it of. Any advice what should I do?

[VincenzoG91]

You are both going through a lot of changes during this period of life. It's unrealistic to believe that your relationship will outlast college. My best guess from what you described is that she met somebody else during your Thanksgiving trip, but decided to stay in a relationship with you. And since you've come back, she has been second-guessing that decision and has come to resent you. It's just a guess, I could be wrong. It's also possible that she is cheating on you, but isn't sure about the new guy yet, not enough to break things off with you.

[want2heal]

I think you really should sit down with her and have a talk. Be honest and tell her your feelings. Communication is key. Ask her how she feels and where she sees your relationship going? Talk about. Open up to her.

[sapha1]

Theres a massive chapter of your life that you've spent with this girl, alot you have missed out on or experience .... maybe shes just got curious and wants to be able to do the things shes missed out on but also keep you in her life as your a massive part of it .

all i can suggest if give her some space , take her out for a meal and maybe drinks after just you and her, show her your just as fun as her friends , and remind her of what your relationship is ?
and then back of alittle , give her space , try and not contact her as many times as you usually do, as this will make her start wondering why ur not contacting her as shes use to this five year routine you both have had.
once she starts paying you alittle attention , just mention to her that you understand she needs her space and experience different things in life without you and your happy with that .

therefore your comforting her bad thoughts ( breaking it of , doesnt love me any more ....everything girls think when a boy is distant).

this properly doesnt make sense , but if she feels your being to clingy and shes enjoying herself she will start to see you as a weight draggin her down.
if she feels your giving her too much freedom, she'll get worried that you dont care anymore and start thinking negative thoughts about the relationship

so you need to balance between them ...... give her space but the time you have with her , make it just as good as the time she spends with her mates.

[Miggy15]

Thanks for your advice she actually just showed up to my house and we had a talk. She left right after I was done speaking with her, she didn't know how she feels and she will speak tomorrow. So we will see what happens.

I am going to reply to all the post at once.

Yes there might be a chance that she might be cheating on me. But I had a huge trust issue with her after we got back together when she cheated on me. I didn't even mention it to her because I don't want her to think that i don't trust her. Which to this day I don't trust her as I used to. I also could read her pretty good and I don't think she really is cheating on me though.

like I just said I told her how I felt. That I really am getting hurt and I know that you need to have friends to. I told her that i will be more than happy if we could see each other at least twice a week, and she really didn't like that. After I saw this I just wanted to cut it of there. But she keeps telling me that she cares but still isn't doing anything about it. I also went on and told her that there is so much that i could take and that i'm not going to waste my time sitting here getting hurt. I cant even go out with my friends because they will see that I'm not myself. And will like to know whats going on. Personally i don't like speaking about my relationships to friends because they will go off starting rumors and you know how that goes. When we were done i did ask her why she was doing this even though shes aware of it. And she told me that she doesn't know. Thats when she asked to speak with me tomorrow.

As for Sapha1's advice, to tell you the truth I feel like your my friend Johann. He told me the same exact thing. But I think i might have messed up a good night for us to reconnect, by telling her how i feel. Half of me says it was the right thing to do the other half is saying otherwise. But now i feel better that I finally told her how I really feel.

I will take all your advise into consideration. And Thank you for writing back fast!

[Raze]

She is not cheating on me or anything all she does is go partying and getting drunk with her friends. She did cheat on me in highschool and I forgived her. I treat her better than I treat my mom and I think she is just taking advantage. She tells me she loves me and knows I'm hurt but she still doesn't do nothing about it. This has been going on since thanksgiving. Before then we were perfect. And I am starting to get depressed and thinking of breaking it of. Any advice what should I do?

If she cheated on you then chances are good that she's doing it again. I can't believe you gave her a second chance. She's cheating on you again.

[Boisdevie]

Yeah, your relationship was so perfect that she cheated on you. Sounds like she doesn't really care for you anymore. Why not dump her and find someone else?

[shadowMike4d4]

WOW this is a trip down memory lane...this sounds a LOT like a situation I was in...except mine did not have a happy ending.

5 years which ended 3 years ago...I still talk to the girl in a friendly capacity and she is now the single friend that knows most of my secrets. 8 years does that.

But yeah, my advice is communicate with her and find out what's wrong, but do NOT press the issue.

Say something like. "Babe, If something's bothering you I hope you know you can tell me, I won't press but whenever you feel like talking about it you know i'll listen"

then leave it at that, you've just planted the seed of contemplation that MAY lead to her opening up about the problem, as long as you DON'T.PRESS.THE ISSUE.

I want to stress that because I myself have sought answers I didn't get because I pressed, I get the most information when I simply say I'm open to hear what's wrong and just talk about other stuff for a while.


Hope everything works for you though, cheers!

[Dean Kaplan]

Miggy, sounds like you're giving way too much and not getting anything in return. Hopefully you guys can talk about what's going on. I haven't taken the time to read all the comments, but you really need to express to her what you're saying on this thread.

If you've told her that you're hurt and she isn't doing anything about it, then that's a reason for concern. Hopefully this doesn't continue. A relationship can't survive where either party is indifferent to the emotions of the other party.

Another thing is, how can you be sure that she's not cheating on you? Hopefully you're not just taking her word for that, and expecting her to tell you if she has cheated.