Screwed Up

[findingmyself3]

I have never used anything like this before and I am not sure how to start this out. I have been dating this guy for about 2 and a half years. In this time I really took advantage of my situation, he spoiled me and I completely ignored his needs and wants. I was busy with a full time job and a full time student now I am paying for it. I have begged him to let me have a chance to fix my mistakes and to work on us. I even said that I would attend counseling with or without him to make sure we are both happy. He in the mean time has met a new girl and they text all day everyday. He says he is not attracted to her but I do not believe it. He also says that he loves me but is over everything. Can anyone help me figure out how to get him to give me the time of day to make things correct? We still live together and are still in a relationship but might as well not be either. Please help me, any ideas will help. I know I messed up and I just want to be able to fix it.

[BeneathTheSun]

Once a relationship goes sour it's pretty hard to gain the perspective needed to heal it while you're in it. But I'm not for breaking up just to trigger something so my only advice is to live the change you want to see. Become who you want to be in the relationship and see if that heals it.

This other woman is probably a substitute for the attention he doesn't get from you. Don't change your entire personality but try to become better so he doesn't need a substitute.

[findingmyself3]

I feel as though I have a lot of perspective into the situation and a lot of self-actualization. I do realize that it is my fault and know everything that I did wrong. And I love your quote about being the substitute. I know that is exactly what it is, however I do not know how to get him to give me that chance to make up for all the horrible things I have done in the past.

[Raze]

Your relationship was obviously failing. It went sour and there was nothing you could do about it. You're not the only one who has had a relationship not work out and you won't be the last. Relationships fail A LOT.

[Petit Papillon]

What did you exactly do to him? What drove him away from you?

[findingmyself3]

I never listened to him and took advantage of everything he did for me. I have always had bad relationships so when I found someone to cook, clean, and do everything I asked I started acting like he owed it to me. I ignored his wants emotionally, physically, and mentally. I want to fix that now that I realize it but he won't let me. He just keeps pushing me away more and more. I am in counseling and working on finding myself, the person he fell in love with, but he looks the other way now and says he loves me but isn't in love with me. I know as long as there is something that is still there we can make it and be the most happy in love couple, it just takes time.

[BeneathTheSun]

Well he needs to commit too. If he doesn't acknowledge your effort it will go unnoticed. It's cards on the table time, tell him about the changes you are proposing and see if he wants to be apart of it. Perhaps he can't distance himself from the memories of you taking advantage of him, but atleast you've learn not to do that when you are in your next relationship.

[angela85]

Why wont you hhave a serious communication and clear everything. Listen to his sentiments and find solution to what he is needing to... Make use of time make it memorable. Make him happy and crack a laugh