Jerks will always win...

[VincenzoG91]

Women are attracted to assertiveness. Young women have trouble telling the difference between assertiveness and aggressiveness, but after some bad experiences, the intelligent ones learn the difference.

NiceGuy, stop being "nice" and start being assertive. Look up assertive to make sure you understand the full meaning. Also, keep up the exercise, it will eventually help you build self-esteem. As for confidence, fake it until you make it.

[doppelgaenger]

Nice is a very ambiguous word. I suggest you have a little self-reflection and try to be more definitive in describing yourself. It's easier to whine and cry about your problems than to examine them and try to come up with a solution... this whole "wahhh jerks always get the girls" is such a pathetic lack of effort and observation. I reiterate: you will never get laid with this kind of attitude.

Perhaps you should start with learning to have respect. If you respect the guys who are successful with women instead of calling them jerks (which isn't very nice btw), maybe they would give you some advice on how to improve your dating game. Or maybe you just don't have the balls to ask. You're stuck in your own little world and you think everything you do is right. Is that very nice? Your train of thought is close-minded and to top it off, you're pessimistic. This, and much more are very unappealing to women. I'm not going to do your homework for you. Go to your desk with a pencil and some paper and reflect on your behavior, your social etiquette, and your personal traits. Figure out what needs improvement. And if you can't figure something out, that's where this forum comes in. Otherwise, keep all the pissing and moaning to yourself. I will never understand why people think this place is for ranting and pandemonium.

[The Nice Guy849]

im surprised nobody got personal with me...

ive BEEN trying to be a *good guy* with confidence and all of that bullshit. My ranting came from the fact with the whole competition with the jerks, like how would a good guy be able to get a girl over a jerk(DO NOT tell me to not worry about this over the very strong hold they have over girls) who already has a hold over a girl which you wouldn't know?? how would a good guys'confidence beat out a jerks who would DEFFINATELY be more outgoing because of his lack of care to say anything to anyone??? it's things like that that made me question about it and i'm NOT waiting for the whole *nice guys get better long term relationships in the end* because i feel that is bullcrap and insulting because were basically getting the leftovers of those jerks.

when did i ever say everything i do is right?(and deserved payback?) stuck in my own world? my posts have been a result of the mental aspect to improve myself. i keep asking myself the main question *how can a guy like me get a girl besides the jerk pulling her in again?*where i feel like even if i do make some changes, they would run to those guys ANYWAY...i am just not sure of myself, i have had some BAD experiences with girls cheating on me with jerks(surprise, surprise =/) and i never got closure from ANY of those relationships, just leaving me so they could do *things* together, well i dont think many people would really understand just HOW tough it is to change after stuff guys like me go through(my fault or not), idk, i guess im just a tremendous mess, the more i think about it the more i just imagine the girl im talking to saying how they want a good guy and all that then getting called by a jerk *friend* to talk with her laughing constantly and just forgets about me =/

i just dont feel like i will get anything out of self reflection if this kind of thinking keeps up...this is my main thinking problem with girls and my main insecurity/jealousy, the jerks who keep attracting them =/

[the_robot]

ii'm NOT waiting for the whole *nice guys get better long term relationships in the end* because i feel that is bullcrap and insulting because were basically getting the leftovers of those jerks.

I doubt an intelligent girl would go back to a jerk, and those are the good ones imo, not the leftovers. If those are the leftovers in your opinion, I'm sorry for you, but I'll let the jerks have all the stupid girls they want..

[VincenzoG91]

What kind of women are you interested in? If you're competing with aggressive jerks for young, blonde bimbos, you're wasting your time. What about women who are more intellectual and less outgoing? What about women who are artistic or creative?

[The Nice Guy849]

im just speaking for woman in general because some really great girls from what i see are being lead on pretty badly yet they are all over these guys, THAT's why it's bothering me so bad, and i cant wait until im like 30+ to have these led on girls want just *a nice guy* for marriage or whatever with them knowing it wont ever be as exciting as having a relationship with a jerk...

[the_robot]

with them knowing it wont ever be as exciting as having a relationship with a jerk...

The hell it won't, I'd keep 'em entertained for a loooooong time, and I have been told I am a nice guy.

[MynameisJesus]

im surprised nobody got personal with me...

ive BEEN trying to be a *good guy* with confidence and all of that bullshit. My ranting came from the fact with the whole competition with the jerks, like how would a good guy be able to get a girl over a jerk(DO NOT tell me to not worry about this over the very strong hold they have over girls) who already has a hold over a girl which you wouldn't know?? how would a good guys'confidence beat out a jerks who would DEFFINATELY be more outgoing because of his lack of care to say anything to anyone??? it's things like that that made me question about it and i'm NOT waiting for the whole *nice guys get better long term relationships in the end* because i feel that is bullcrap and insulting because were basically getting the leftovers of those jerks.

when did i ever say everything i do is right?(and deserved payback?) stuck in my own world? my posts have been a result of the mental aspect to improve myself. i keep asking myself the main question *how can a guy like me get a girl besides the jerk pulling her in again?*where i feel like even if i do make some changes, they would run to those guys ANYWAY...i am just not sure of myself, i have had some BAD experiences with girls cheating on me with jerks(surprise, surprise =/) and i never got closure from ANY of those relationships, just leaving me so they could do *things* together, well i dont think many people would really understand just HOW tough it is to change after stuff guys like me go through(my fault or not), idk, i guess im just a tremendous mess, the more i think about it the more i just imagine the girl im talking to saying how they want a good guy and all that then getting called by a jerk *friend* to talk with her laughing constantly and just forgets about me =/

i just dont feel like i will get anything out of self reflection if this kind of thinking keeps up...this is my main thinking problem with girls and my main insecurity/jealousy, the jerks who keep attracting them =/

What do you define as being nice? How often have you taken shots with women? And when you did, how did you approach her? " Would you? sorta? kinda? maybe go out with me? "

There are also insecure bad guys. They never win. Being bad is not the point, making an impression is. You don't have to be a jackass to leave the room and have girls thinking of you. Be the one who's talking and have them listening to you. No friendly emo talk, but create a positive vibe about how good your life is and what kind of amazing things you do.
You create a depressed vibe the way you talk and women pick up on this. You are afraid of failure and making an impression. Get out of your comfort zone. No balls no glory

[The Nice Guy849]

i dont take shots with them anymore cause as someone said here *dont go for a girl thats taken* and EVERY girl i meet is taken by some form of asshole already.

why even bother anyway the single girls are attracted to the same jerks over and over again i mean like in my own experience i have NEVER met a girl who was *intelligent* enough to not get back with the jerks, it ALWAYS happens, and their inner feelings for those jerks stay there because of how damn desirable they are to girls, so why try?? every girls seems in one form or another just another jerks leftovers and if im not in any way like their past bfs which hurt them sooooo much then its nearly null and void because of just how great jerks supposedly are to girls no matter HOW MUCH they deny it. i guess im sorry to burden everyone here with my useless posts because no one actually denies that *hey! girls sorta like ok guys...* so i guess it just proves it. if i want to get girls, im guna have to be an asshole and treat them like dirt, or die lonely(which is probably whats gonna happen anyway...)

[Raze]

You shouldn't go for someone who is taken. Don't you understand why you are attracted to certain girls? It's in our biology to be physically attracted to women who are unattainable.

EVERY girl i meet is taken by some form of asshole already.

Your problem is that the girls that you choose to meet are taken. You immediately refer to them as an "asshole" because you are jealous of them. How do you really know that said person is an "asshole"? You are finding excuses as to why you are meeting girls that are taken. If a girl is attractive, yes, she will probably a boyfriend. However, not all attractive girls have boyfriends. It seems like you are going after the same girls with the same personalities. You are going after girls who have trouble telling the difference between aggressiveness and assertiveness.

They are not attracted to you because you are desperate for them. Girls can sense this a mile away. They don't want someone who is desperate for them right off the bat. Desperation is a red flag because it recommends that you have certain genes that are not wanted (biology).

i guess im sorry to burden everyone here with my useless posts because no one actually denies that *hey! girls sorta like ok guys...*

Girls want confident guys. Hell, everyone wants someone confident in a relationship. By just reading this, I can tell that you have low self-esteem. No one wants to be with someone with such low self-esteem. Why? It is a doorway to possible addiction to drugs or alcohol. It can lead to cheating. Women want stability. You are not stable yet because you are so damn depressed.

so i guess it just proves it. if i want to get girls, im guna have to be an asshole and treat them like dirt, or die lonely(which is probably whats gonna happen anyway...)

Wrong. If you treat them like dirt, chances are they are going walk away or treat you like dirt right back. You have this mindset that girls are instantly attracted to assholes. WRONG. A girl isn't going to immediately fall in love with you; it doesn't happen. You need to show that you are a catch instead of something that can be considered trash (no offense).

You keep flaunting that you are a nice guy like it's some sort of label. What are you getting out of labeling yourself as a nice guy? NOTHING. You are just holding yourself back with this label. It prevents you from being a confident person. You are using it as some sort of crutch.

What do you say to girls? "Hey, how's it going. I'm a nice guy." You're not going to get bonus points from anyone from saying you're a nice guy. Your screen name tells me that you are labeling yourself as a nice guy in hopes of winning someone's heart. That isn't going to happen.

[The Nice Guy849]

all of that is true i guess...it still doesn't change my opinion in my head that jerks will always win girls over with their cocky confidence, there's no competition, i label myself as a nice guy because that's all i think i will ever be, just *that* nice guy girls will laugh over with some guy they jus slept with. i sometimes feel like while literally everyone else around me at least HAS someone in some shape or form, i dont...

how can a girl treat me like dirt back if jerks do it all the time yet girls do nothing but flaunt to them because of it??? i guess like you said i am just a piece of trash compared to those guys =/

im even afraid to ask this forum for like, what kind answers should i seek for myself, because i jus keep telling myself what is the damn point??? jerks drive me absolutely nuts, while theyre all cool and collected while having their hands all over the girl i like with her being positive about it too. that will never be me....no girl obviously doesn't want a guy liike me...and even if i gained confidence, i am not funny, hardly outgoing, i never do anything that exciting as *riding motorcycles* or anything else girls are INSTANTLY attracted to.

what does desperation even have to do with biology thought it it just scares them off, wont deny that i am though...

[vertical_sky]

My God, you again? Do I need to bash your skull in with the articles I linked in your last tirade about how you're such a "nice" guy and women only like jerks?

Here's the skinny, "Nice" guy: women don't like jerks. They like confidence and a challenge. Jerks just HAPPEN to have these qualities. But these qualities are not INHERENT to jerkiness. You can have confidence and be a bit of a challenge without being an ass. Women-I should say, immature women-go for the jerks because they haven't realized yet that these qualities and jerkiness can be separated.

So what do I mean by "a challenge?" I do NOT mean playing hard to get. THAT'S what a jerk/game player does. I mean being able to match her intellectually (discuss and debate topics she is passionate about), have your own life so you don't rely on her for your self esteem, and have your own goals independent of her.

[vertical_sky]

<Darn with hitting the post button too soon>

I am always flabbergasted by "nice" guys who complain that girls want confident, out going, good looking guys. Why is that so surprising? Would YOU want a girl who is insecure, shy, and doesn't look very nice? No! So why do you expect girls to be any different?

I agree with several other posters that you're focusing on the WRONG girls. STOP chasing, and for just a little while, stand still and be yourself... Calmly, and confidently. See which girls come to YOU... as in, give you a glance or make a joke in your direction. Focus on THOSE girls. Focus on girls that give you the green light. The reason you're not spotting those girls now is because you have blinders on. Blinders that only see the hot chick you want and the "jerk" who got her. Stop giving these girls all your attention, and see what unfolds.

[The Nice Guy849]

My God, you again? Do I need to bash your skull in with the articles I linked in your last tirade about how you're such a "nice" guy and women only like jerks?

haha this actually made me laugh a bit, in a good way =) I pictured someone taking those exact links from my computer and hitting me with it lol

well anyway, I think everyones a lil mis-understanding of why im so upset, it's not *another* nice guy tirade, im not saying *oh because im so nice i should get laid* no...it's moreso the conflicts i think i would have(and basically, currently do have) when i *obtain* the so-called *qualities*(confidence, funny blah blah whatever) that girls apparently say guys who arent jerks can have. then they say that they want the nice guy qualities with the challenge, but how would it be any different then being with an actual jerk?? if by challenge you mean not calling, being late, doing other things besides caring about his girl, *cheating*, lying, zero compliments, crappy life and job with a *touch* of inner sweetness that girls crave oh so much to drag out for who the hell knows why, then well if that's the case then i'll just have to learn how to put my lifestyle like that. there's just so much game playing in the simple fact of getting a girl interested it just kills me everytime =/ and jerks do this with absolute ease and THAT is why i am saying jerks>>>>good guys by a long shot. jerks= more sex, better female interactivity, CONTROL in the relationship.

[VincenzoG91]

Challenge = a guy who will not be a complete, submissive doormat.

Seriously, just google "aggressive passive passive-aggressive or assertive communication" and start reading some links. We're not suggesting that you become aggressive, just assertive.