I feel envious of my ex's life

[peppereyes]

Long story short: he was my first boyfriend, I was his second girlfriend, we fell in love hard. Before him I had had meaningless hook ups with other guys. When he learned about this ('cause he asked) he became jealous and stopped trusting me, and problems started. He was really cruel and controlling. Three years later, I called it quits. During the time we've been broken up, both of us are still in love, so cutting contact has been hard.

He still loves me a lot, or so he says, but we have problems from time to time. He gets jealous, and so do I. For instance, now he's made friends with a lot of girls, who I think are prettier than me, and they're completely different. I'm more of an intellectual, quiet type. These are party girls. I feel so jealous of them, since it makes me feel like he prefers that type of girl over me. I can't help comparing myself and feeling like crap.

He's also been partying a lot. I haven't. My social life is not very active. I feel so envious because it seems his life has improved so much after I left him, while I'm stuck in boredom, loneliness... and I know I'm obviously biased, but while I made mistakes, he was actually cruel to me during the relationship, so it feels a bit unfair that he's having the time of his life with these hot girls while I'm miserable.

I mean, if I go partying once in a while and he finds out, he criticizes me, etc. Yet all his friends are party girls? They party a lot more than I do, and he doesn't criticize them or reject them? He also parties more than me, so yeah, he's a huge hypocrite!

He says he loves me and all that, but his life seems so much better without me and it hurts. I still feel empty without him. I can't get over the envy. Whenever I learn that he went partying and did crazy stuff (I don't have him on Facebook, I mean, I blocked him, but we do have friends in common... so I see pics and videos and stuff), I feel so bad, so frustrated, so lame, like a loser. And it hurts. How can I deal with all this?

[eonbar]

stop all contact, facebook, real life, text, phone ... everything.

if you feel you have a shit life do something about it! go out more, make more friends, join a few clubs or something and take up a hobby?

one thing i'll always always suggest to people is maybe take a part time bar job, even if your working a full time job. a load of people i know finish work at 5 on a friday, get to the bar for 7 and work it thru to gone mid-night. easy 6 hour part time shift, PLUS you get the social life of a barman / woman which trust me is amazing. you meet so many people at work and the regulars. never had more fun than working in a busy bar i tell ya, perfect 'get over him' material. (plus in time you learn club promoters, other bar staff, door men and security and effectively you have a free night out in town for the rest of your life. free entry, free drink and amazing social life.)

go for it

[Dean Kaplan]

The advice is pretty much the same for everyone that goes through what you're going through. As Eonbar says, you have to have the discipline to cut off contact. That's the foundation. I could type a 5 paragraph response, but if you don't get that 1st piece understood and stick with it, I'd be wasting your time as well as my own.