Feeling ugly and totally worthless.

[smileyface]

I'm 19 years old and I was abandoned by my parents when I was a baby (I was raised by my maternal grandma). My dad was abusive towards my mom and my dad was in jail a lot. I came across a letter my dad had written to my mom and it said he loved my mom more than my siblings and I. It really hurt coming across that letter after everything I've being going through with relationships.
I was rejected a couple of months ago by a guy I'd never seen before in person. He never called or texted. Whenever he did call or text it was very short and scripted. He lied to me by saying he got me a dress and that he'd sent it by UPS but it never came. He yelled at me for calling 8 times in a row and picked up the 9th time and yelled DON'T GO CRAZY and then we talked for less than a minutes and he said bye. When he went more than a week without calling or texting I texted him and said I was done. He never called or texted for a few months and then he randomly texted saying he'd changed his number. At first I didn't know who it was and I texted saying who's this? Then I got a text saying it was Tom from Florida. I said why are you texting me? He said cause we're friends. I was totally confused. The last text I'd sent him was a mean one with curse words. I gave in and started texting him and he was still the same. He would text then he'd stop for awhile and this time I think it was for good. I did send him a letter with my school senior pictures, when we werefirst talking. I don't know if maybe I wasn't that cute or maybe I was a bore. After that first rejection I've ben dwelling on it everyday since (which has been a year ago). I really feel like I don't matter and that I'm ugly, different from the rest of girls and uncool.
Then: I called at the wrong time when I was checking up on my job application at Pizza Hut. This young guy picked up the phone and was like Call back around 2 and 4pm we're busy and then he hung up. I called during lunchtime. There must b something wrong w/ me.

[sweetkissesforu]

Thread number 2 repeat threads are boring

[Lovable]

Thread number 2 repeat threads are boring

LOL...so with you sweetkisses!!

[Meskazc]

I think that you are just pessimistic and need to shed that. Maybe people are mean to you because of the way you present yourself. Clearly you are unhappy with your life and the way that you look/act. Maybe it's time that YOU started to change yourself. Stop looking for guys! Let them come to you. It could take a few days, a week, months, any length of time- but rushing into relationships with guys that you've never met is pathetic (not to be mean, just honest, sweetie.)

I've read your other posts after reading this one because I couldn't really understand..Like I said, stop meeting guys off of the internet (unless you go to a legitimate dating site, not myspace or something stupid like that) and when you actually have a guys number don't spam them with texts or calls 24/7. NO ONE likes a desperate girl.

Just change the way you look at life. So you had a rough time, use it to grow and say "I'm going to make myself better"

The only thing that is wrong with you is your disposition

[BeneathTheSun]

I'm with meskazc. The attitude you have will not make anything easier. Finding love is hard and you will come across alot of deadbeats before it gets right so, owe it to yourself to be the best version of yourself, and that means no more feeling "ulgy or uncool" because some random looser didn't replied fast enough.