How does a shy college student who has low self esteem and anxiety make friends?

[Meskazc]

I'm just going to dive right in.

I just transferred out of a two year college and into my state university. I spent one semester there so far..but I really just focused, I stayed in (I'm a commuter so I can't really go party anyway) and studied my ass off to keep up my gpa (4.0 since the day I started college..so I'm a super nerd shh ). SO I really didn't get a chance to make friends. But I want to make friends..My highschool friends and I had a bit of a falling out after I came out of the closet..and my community college friends aren't exactly..good for me. I do not want to get into that though. Let's just say I need a fresh start.

So. HOW do I do it?! I'm so shy..I'm afraid to go to places like clubs/activities/parties alone and I'm too scared to ask people that I know from there to go places with me (fear of rejection). Is it even possible for me to make friends now? How? I'm going to check out the gay community club again (though the few times I went I hardly met anyone, no one really talked to me) and last semester I kind of met someone there and when I told her that I wasn't interested in her (because I had a girlfriend) shit really hit the fan so I'm afraid to go back (crazy lady).

Another thing. I'm a girl, and I am told that I look like a huge bitch -.- I have this serious face on all the time. I'm also told that the way I dress makes people feel like I think I'm too good for them (which totally isn't true!) I do not mean to brag but I'm told that I'm intimidating looks-wise, I am told that I look like one of those pretty bitchy girls. Idk..I thought trying to make myself look good was a social plus? I'm not going to change the way I dress just to make friends..but is there something that I can do that will make me more approachable? I would try smiling all the time..but then I'd look like a fool!

Suggestions?

[Yet another guy]

You need to stop being shy. Don't ask me how because I wish I knew that myself. I just know that it is impossible for shy people to get friends.

About the other thing, I think you have the right idea that smiling would help. Pretty girls that smile look pretty but pretty girls that don't smile look cold and bitchy. You don't have to smile all the time. Just when you talk to people or even when you just make eye contact.

[Illusional]

even if you are a nerd, i'm sure that you can join a club, like a math or chess club for example....

bottom line, if you're not looking hard enough, then you'll never find the answer.


raverboy

[big]

yeah you should find a club your interested in, there are plenty of nerds and nerdy clubs at college. most wont reject you right off the bat either.

[loverman1]

i think you need to be more accepting of yourself...if your shy then be shy!! there's nothing wrong with being shy, but try to smile a little more! go and join lots of clubs, and don't think about it "just go and do it" .. everybody is scared of rejection but you have to meet different people to find your friends, poeple who you can relate to ect! ...you will be rejected sometime's but it does'nt matter! and thats life and its the same for everyone

[CynthiaC]

join second life

[AlwaysALady]

Hi Meskazc,

I hope you feel better! College is all about stepping out of yourself to make new friends and build new relationships. Have you ever thought about joining organizations on campus? Your school probably has an LGBT organization for students who are weary of stepping outside of the gay community to find friends and make relationships. I would suggest Googling your school's organizations to find the contact information for someone who may be over the organization... And if there isn't one, why not start one yourself? Be confident. Being homosexual is not a disease. Don't let others make you feel bad because you have decided to be true to yourself. I have a homosexual cousin and best friend (both are males) who have gone through this and they both found the most happiness once they realized that they needed to be true to themselves and their sexuality.

Also, smile more. If others tell you you look like a "b****," it is because you are not giving off a positive vibe. Always be positive. There is enough negativity in the world already and since no one can bring you down but you, you are in charge of your own destiny.

Good luck,
AlwaysALady

[biancanics]

Join some clubs which you know you'll be happy with.. When I was in college I'm also shy because of my appearance but that changed until after I participated in extra-curricular activities to make myself busy. And don't bother what everyone thinks about how you dress, they are just envious because when you feel good with your dress you also look good. Just be more confident in yourself.

[Klim]

Just be comfortable with yourself. I'm a super-shy nerd with not too many friends. These are the best friends I've ever had, and I met them by being me. I've also (somehow) managed to get a girlfriend using my "say-something-awkward-then-attempt-to-stammer-an-apology" personality. I don't even do that on purpose. But I digress.

Anyway, I just try to go to ONE social thing every once in a while. Pardon my overused advice, but just be yourself.

[themodernage2]

Ah, I can relate so much to this! Im currently having trouble making friends =/
Its taken me quite a while to understand why, but I think its because I look so intimidating. Random people will tell me to smile or cheer up when Im not even sad.. this leads me to believe I look like a bitch 24/7. I've started smiling at literally everyone and the few "friends" I have, I've been overly nice. Try and go out for clubs! I always disregarded this advice, but Im going out for the newspaper and outdoors club next week, so we'll see how that works.
If you go into it with a positive attitude, and act happy and ask people about themselves (people love to talk about themselves) then you should be golden. Also, asking people in your class to study. Im too shy for that, but if the opportunity presents itself, go for it. Good luck!

[UnknownSld]

Being someone who grew up very shy and to some point is still shy at the age of 26, it can be frustrating. You might always be shy but that is not necessarily a bad thing since a lot of people do find that cute. Best advice I can give, just like others have mentioned before me, smile more. When you walk past someone in the hallway, male or female, just smile and say hi. What's the worst that can happen? Most likely, given from personal experience, people will smile and say hi back. Don't be so afraid of putting yourself out there a little bit. Rejection is a part of life, believe me I know this quite well. I get rejected more than you would begin to imagine but I do not let it stop me. Be confident in who you are, that is one of the biggest things. The way you dress, how attractive you are, can intimidate people and make them feel you are unapproachable. Don't think that just because they won't approach you that their not interested in getting to know you because that is not completely true.

Like others mentioned before me try out for clubs. Great place to meet people. That's part of the reason I met my ex fiancée. Ha, yes I said ex, long story. Also again, as others stated before, ask someone in your class to study. That always helped me. Just be happy, once you are completely happy with who you are you will radiate with it and eventually people will be drawn to you. Try to break out of your shell of the fear of rejection a little. Believe me it really helps a lot. Also, DO NOT let past experiences hinder your progress. They are in the past for a reason. Learn from them and grow on it. I hope this helps you in the future and if you ever need someone to talk to or any other advice you can always shoot me a message on here. I wish you the best of luck.

[Lady Wisdom]

Sadly I think you are focusing too much on your sexual preference in term of attracting friends. Are you looking for friends in general or gay friends ?None the less, If you resent who you are, people are going to pick-up that you conflicted emotionally and shy away from you. May be you need to resolve your issues with your old friends or at least admit you too could have handled the situation in a more responsible manner. You may not salvage the friendship but at least there is closure and you can pursue new friends with a clean slate.

[Plokoon111]

I find it easy if you just jump the gun and just talk to people. I am super shy, I hate walking into places where I don't know people or even at family gatherings. BUT, lets say your in college waiting around and there's a girl or guy. (Nerdy, interesting, or whoever) Just talk to them, about something simple. Most times it might last a couple of seconds but you never know. That person could end up being your best friend, future wife, you just have to just talk. Its all luck, and being there at the right time.

[Regnent]

The only way you're going to have much luck is by sucking it up, and getting out there.

Ask yourself this;
Why do you fear rejection? Is avoiding rejection really saving you any grief?
You're going to feel lonely, and poorly about yourself by avoiding it. You're rejecting yourself. You're not enabling yourself to succeed.

[CraigT]

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