I like the secretary @ my gym.

[Skitzo]

I just don't know how to start a real conversation with her , I've talked about some gym related stuff but nothing informal, we even refer to each other in third person still (formal speak)...

- I am almost 20, I don't know how old she is but by the looks I guess around 18-20.
- I am a very shy guy and not good with ladies...
- She is hot and I think many guys like her (maybe she even has a boyfriend)
- I don't even know her name.

Also an awkward incident happened but we laughed it off... also I have some long silent thinking pauses when talking to her.

So any advice how to start a real chat with her and how to get to know her better? I don't want to be too straight forward tho....

[Gratedwasabi]

She gets hit on at least a dozen times a day. Pass.

[LtSurge]

After saying hello, say "My name's _______, by the way. What's yours?". Then she'll tell you her name.

Then I can't help you. Start talking about something that seems natural to talk about. If you can't think of anything, it's not meant to be. You can't force it. You have to go up to her with an air of confidence, like she's already a long time friend and you have nothing to worry about. You have to hope conversation happens naturally.

If she laughs and smiles a lot when she talks to you, try to talk to her again the next time you see her. If she laughs and smiles and makes eye contact with you again, ask her if she'd like to go out for dinner sometime (or come up with another idea if you learned anything about her based on your previous conversations).

If she doesn't send some flirtatious signs to you, don't bother asking her out. She's not interested. And even if you think she did send you some signs, you still have to be prepared for rejection.

You have nothing to lose. Just do it. All men experience failure. You've got to go through a lot of failure to get to success. You have to start somewhere.

[HeartIsAching]

I just don't know how to start a real conversation with her , I've talked about some gym related stuff but nothing informal, we even refer to each other in third person still (formal speak)...

- I am almost 20, I don't know how old she is but by the looks I guess around 18-20.
- I am a very shy guy and not good with ladies...
- She is hot and I think many guys like her (maybe she even has a boyfriend)
- I don't even know her name.

Also an awkward incident happened but we laughed it off... also I have some long silent thinking pauses when talking to her.

So any advice how to start a real chat with her and how to get to know her better? I don't want to be too straight forward tho....

There is absolutely NOTHING wrong with the straightforward approach. Just go up to her, introduce yourself formally, and say "Would you go have coffee with me sometime? I think we might hit it off."

What's the worst she can do? Say no?

[LtSurge]

There is absolutely NOTHING wrong with the straightforward approach. Just go up to her, introduce yourself formally, and say "Would you go have coffee with me sometime? I think we might hit it off."

What's the worst she can do? Say no?

The reason I like my approach better in this case is because we're talking about an attractive 18-20 year old who probably gets hit on god knows how many times at this gym, so OP has to establish himself as a nice guy who she actually likes before she would agree to go out with him as opposed to him just asking out of the blue.

Unless, of course, OP already has a reason to believe that this girl might like him at all. In which case yeah, he can just go for it.

[HeartIsAching]

The reason I like my approach better in this case is because we're talking about an attractive 18-20 year old who probably gets hit on god knows how many times at this gym, so OP has to establish himself as a nice guy who she actually likes before she would agree to go out with him as opposed to him just asking out of the blue.

Unless, of course, OP already has a reason to believe that this girl might like him at all. In which case yeah, he can just go for it.

Hey, you're welcome to your own methods. I've personally found that the direct approach works best for me. Can't tell you how many times I've said "Wow, you're really cute. Can I take you out sometime?" and gotten positive results. I'm a married old (ok, middle-aged) man now and those days are over... but how do you think I got her? I walked up to her, stuck my hand out and said "Hi, I'm ___, pleased to meet you."

[LtSurge]

Hey, who am I to say you're wrong?

I've taken the direct approach before to. It definitely can work.

It just depends on the situation, what you feel will work better. I was trying to envision OP and this girl he likes, and I thought that getting to know her a little bit first might be the better approach in his particular case, but I really don't know much about OP's situation so I'm inclined to say either of us could be right in this case.

[carlosaugustine]

Hey man,

This is a self confidence challenge, not a babe challenge. There's lots of babes and now you find yourself wanting to get into this babe's world. That is your first mistake. It's all mindset.

Ever wonder why some of the most gross looking guys seem to score hot chicks? They have confidence and they know how to interact with women.

Now you think this girl is hot, so I'll take your word for it. Guess what, you've probably already blown it. Hanging around with long periods of silence trying to think of the next thing to say is creepy and weird to a girl like this. Plus, do you have any idea how many meat heads are trying to get into her pants everyday that don't act creepy and weird and a few that do act creepy and weird? But you really want to go out with this girl...

Okay, here's the conversation you need to start with her--"Hi, how are you doing. You are here every time I come in here. Don't they ever give you a day off? (then she giggles or smiles and says blah blah blah). Let me ask you a question: What's the best thing about working here? (blah blah blah) Yeah, I can see how you'd like that about working here (blah blah blah).

Now you need to work the conversation with filler, listen to what she says, agree and support what she's saying, but not like a psychotherapist. You need to throw in a little sarcasm and maybe poke a little fun at her. Tongue in cheek kinda stuff, but never demeaning. Then build her up. Don't be cheesy. Then end it quickly with, "hey, take care, I gotta run." Like you barely have time to stop and chat.

You need to have these kinds of interactions with her a few more times until you rub off the creepy you left behind from your initial encounters. Then you can ask her out. The worst she can do is tell you she has a boyfriend, even if she doesn't.

The most important thing an average guy needs to remember about hot chicks: Every woman ends up looking like Stalin's housekeeper eventually.

[Skitzo]

You are pretty much spot on carlosaugustine...

Today I have planned to ask her about does she work out herself and some advice about it and like say something like "you look like you work out" indicating that I think she is fit (she is)...

Hope it goes well.

[LtSurge]

I basically suggested exactly what carlosaugustine did - except he gave you some pretty good actual lines to use to start an interaction with her. So yeah, go with what carlosaugustine said, but just realize that prepared lines are only going to get you so far - about 30 seconds into your conversation with her you'll find that those run out. Then you need to get used to winging it.

[Skitzo]

ok there is also another thing, I need to know what days she is working there, because there is also another secretary there (man) on some days, that is kind of frustrating ....

I don't think there is any other way to find out than just asking her?

To straight up ask her that would be kind of weird and she would definitely wonder why I ask her that, so how can I get the conversation there without looking like I desperately need to know... ?

[Gratedwasabi]

ok there is also another thing, I need to know what days she is working there, because there is also another secretary there (man) on some days, that is kind of frustrating ....

I don't think there is any other way to find out than just asking her?

To straight up ask her that would be kind of weird and she would definitely wonder why I ask her that, so how can I get the conversation there without looking like I desperately need to know... ?

Why do you need to know what days she's working there? You'll look like a stalker. Just wait until you see her?

[Skitzo]

Why do you need to know what days she's working there? You'll look like a stalker. Just wait until you see her?

ok, that is a good point. Still I would like to know so I would only go there on these days.

[MerryH]

ok, that is a good point. Still I would like to know so I would only go there on these days.

Do not change your schedule around just to "bump into her." You'll actually be a stalker that way, not just look like one.

Can't you just pretend she's like a dude that you think is pretty cool and want to maybe hang out with sometime? Act that way.

[Skitzo]

I failed. I choked and didn't sound confident at all =(

But at least she referred to me in informal speech so that is good I guess...
I'm still frustrated for being so hesitant and afraid....... I fk'in ruined it right there I had a good chance to start a conversation with her but I sounded like the biggest loser ever....

I think I really need to think of some lines and topics before I go there next time....