My boyfriend and I have been dating for 4 years now. He's the man I'm going to marry. Everything is just about perfect, except for one thing. It's really hard for me to get turned on. Every now and then I'm randomly horny and the sex and everything is AMAZING. But then there are times during four-play where he doesn't make me horny and it "just tickles" to me when he's performing oral sex. Then when we're ready to have sex, it hurts so bad I cry!! It's like I need to take a deep breath and relax or something. Don't get me wrong, my boyfriend is extremely sexy and I love him so much, but I feel like something is maybe wrong with me? Once in a blue moon I'm in the mood, and mostly I'm not. I'm just scared once we're married this will be a problem.
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08-01-11, 10:51 AM #1
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4 Year Relationship, Boyfriend Doesn't Turn Me On!
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08-01-11, 11:06 AM #2
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Try to relax sometimes thats all you have to do and show him what does turn you on
Always forgive your enemies - nothing annoys them so much.
Oscar Wilde
What lies behind us, and what lies before us are tiny matters compared to what lies within us.
~ by Ralph Waldo Emerson ~
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08-01-11, 11:14 AM #3
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are you taking birth control pills? They are well-known to affect libido. So are anti-depressants.
Relax... I'll need some information first. Just the basic facts - can you show me where it hurts?
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08-01-11, 01:28 PM #4
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Yeah, this sounds like it could be the problem. If not (or if so) you should go visit your gyno or general doctor and tell them about it.
Originally Posted by vashti
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08-01-11, 07:17 PM #5
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Yup, see your doctor.
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08-01-11, 09:34 PM #6
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Lube is a girls best friend
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09-01-11, 01:22 AM #7
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Yes I am taking birth control. I was taking Yaz, I NEVER got turned on while on it, but my pharmacist switched me to the generic brand of Yaz. It seems to be better, all around. I still have trouble! About sex hurting, my boyfriend is rather large and I dread him sticking it in! After a minute or so the pain goes away and I can relax. It's just the first part! Lube definitely helps a lot!!
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10-01-11, 08:46 AM #8
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thats ridiculous.
he shouldnt be having sex with you if if is hurting you! that means him -- and not you--is doing something wrong.
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10-01-11, 09:39 AM #9
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Sounds like there's something up with your libido.
Sometimes the pain feels good. Tell him to use the entire bottle of lube, next time.
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10-01-11, 03:31 PM #10
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Get this sorted out asap - and don't even think about marriage until it is.
I love him but the sex is crap is hardly a recipe for success.
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11-01-11, 05:39 AM #11
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This is sexual incompatibility. It's not gonna get better. You have to realize that if you marry him, you will have a bad sex life. If you are willing to accept that, and sex isn't all that important to you, then it'll be fine.
I lived though it for 12 years while married to my ex-wife. This tickle thing frustrated the hell out of me, and I stopped wanting sex. It was a horrible marriage. She wasn't on the pill. She was always in pain.
It was a complete turn-off. We started fighting a lot. Went to counseling, but didn't work. Stayed married for a few more years for our kids' sake, but eventually divorced. I am so glad I am not married to her anymore.
Right now I am having such wonderful sex my head spins! I am NEVER going to stay in a bad sexual relationship...ever!
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11-01-11, 03:54 PM #12
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What the poster above says
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12-01-11, 05:23 AM #13
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that's an intense story! i wasn't aware sex plays such a big part in a relationship. everyone says it isn't the 'most important.' Originally Posted by Kaius
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12-01-11, 06:19 AM #14
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It's not THE most important it's a tie for first place in my books though.
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13-01-11, 12:55 AM #15
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use lube! I'm very tight and even after being with my boyfriend for a year and being with 2 guys previous to our relationship, sex still sometimes hurts. I use lube all the time! it not only makes it easier to get in, but it feels alot better and much more comfortable. sometimes even if I'm turned on, it takes a little more than just me being wet in order to get it in comfortably, so that always helps!
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