He emotionaly cheated by text & phone chat, need advice and someone to talk too

[motherlydia]

It all started with stupid craiglist.org, he like to go on there to look at farm stuff and motorcycles, also he like to for some reason look in the personals like strictly platonic and he respond to a ad that said she was married but likes to flirt and what to have a little fun. On Dec 17th 2010 I was just in the kitchen and he phone was on the counter blinking, so I check it because I thought it was just one of his friends from his work. Well it wasn't it was the girl he meet on stupid craiglist. They calling each other babe, sweetie, they miss each other, calling stuff he should only call me. He showed his butt to her. It said it in the text. They was going to give gifts for christmas, so they give each there addresses since they live 6 hours away. I got the her address. He give her his dad not where he lives so I wouldnt know. When she was asking him what she could get him and he said * * * * * , but it sad just kidding. I love to know what they talked about on the phone, I am so afraid that they talked sexual or something. It was going on for almost 3 weeks and I didnt know. I talked to her, she said it was friendly which I doubt. So after talking with her I kept asking why why why? We have been together since May 19th 2005. I dont know why he would do this, I dont think I did anything wrong. I give him you know what he needs. We tell each other we love each other. We hug and kiss all the time. We got in a arugment after I talked to that girl and I toss him phone back and he tought I ment to throw it, so he got my laptop and destroy it and threw my phone into the wall. And I called the police and he went to jail, I didnt want him to go to jail; I just wanted the police their incase he came back to break something else. I was just so mad and scared.
So he got out and we wanted to work it out, cause I love him so much. We talked a little about what went on but not enough for me, you know. I want to know everything and the damn truth and WHY? He always says I dont know. It upsets me more that he cant talk about what he did. It like he dont care he hurt me but he says he cares.
So were trying to work it out cuz we also have a 4yr old. But the thing is he still goes on craiglist to look at the posting under personals. I caught him by k9 web protection and I was why would you go to it after all this. He said to look at the pictures. I know his email password now and check it. He hasn't respond to anything. But still, I would never go under anything like that. Oh yeah he also created like 5 account like match.com, singles.net, xmatch, sites like that. I havent really discuss why he created them. It worries me, that he was trying to meet someone else. He never made a profile when he was a teenager like I did. I know how it is. But those left me when I got with him. He dont talk to that girl anymore either. I would like to check him phone records to see how much he text her and what times. Of course it was when I was work I know but like how much. Do you think its good that I dont know what they talked about? But I cant sleep sometimes. I keep thinking about the ol' deal. Will I ever forget this? How can I trust him. Is this a really cheating sitution, if they just text and talked on the phone. Never meet. But talked like they did? I took pictures of them of the texts. It made me sick that he would do this. I just want to know why. He wont open up, he has that issue he wont talk about anything to no one. I tried to talking with him last night cuz he went again on craiglist on his phone, he deletes the link thinking I cant find out but he wrong it highlight where you been. So I asks him if he loved me, he said yes, if he wanted anyone else, No. So I was like then why you stilling looking under the personals under craiglist he was like its not like im talking to them, he just want to see the pictures. I rather him look at porn then on there. He has the option to get in contact with them. I hate craig list. Oh yea i forgot something he told that girl he loved her but was joking. Should I be concern about that or you think he was just playing along for fun. I dont know what to do about this. I love him to death. He knows he hurt me and how I feel. I just hope he does care that I am hurt. Last night when I talk to him, we was in bed, he was sleepy he didnt want talk about it cuz he had to go to work. So he was I dont want to talk about it, its bed time. I thought if you cared about someone and they are sad, it doesnt matter what time it is. We're engaged and I took my ring off and laid it on his face and he put it on the night stand and I said if you really love me you would put it back on my finger, he said not tonight its bed time. So this morning he was like where's your ring I said on the nightstand, he still didnt put it on. So when he came in to tell me bye and kiss me. He still didnt put it on, I was like arent you going to put it on so he found it and handed to me. I want him to put it on. He not romanic grrr...He still worry about the ring though. He just dont like to talk about things, do you think he knows he did wrong and is guilty, dont want to think about it. I like to know he wont do it again and isnt thinking about that girl or any girl. What can I do? How can I forget? I still love him the same. Also the girl knows where I work and my name and my childs name. So she knew about me. He also said when she would say something bad he would say something, like I guess dont be talking about her. I dont know if that is the truth. So I dont know and I like to know. What can I do people. THank you for reading I hope you understand it sorry I am a bad typer and bad at english lol. Im just so freaking MAD!!!

[Boisdevie]

Sorry, can you make your point in less than 5000 words?

[warriormaiden]

I kinda hate it when people look through other peoples phones. It's not yours. You have no right to.

Uh, YES there's something wrong within your relationship. He's actively looking and talking to other women, and making them believe if only 'jokingly' that he's interested in them. An engaged man would not be acting in this way. He is feeling unsatisfied within some area of your relationship, and he's not man enough to say it.
And the reason why he doesn't want to talk about it, because he KNOWS he's guilty and just trying to sweep it under the rug. Don't let him do this! Give him an ultimatum. Tell him if he doesn't talk to you, so you can discuss what is wrong within your relationship, then you're out.

The whole ring thing, and you wanting him to put it on your finger, sounded juvenile. You just could've said the engagement was off until further notice. Maybe that would have gotten his attention.

[motherlydia]

I kinda hate it when people look through other peoples phones. It's not yours. You have no right to.

Uh, YES there's something wrong within your relationship. He's actively looking and talking to other women, and making them believe if only 'jokingly' that he's interested in them. An engaged man would not be acting in this way. He is feeling unsatisfied within some area of your relationship, and he's not man enough to say it.
And the reason why he doesn't want to talk about it, because he KNOWS he's guilty and just trying to sweep it under the rug. Don't let him do this! Give him an ultimatum. Tell him if he doesn't talk to you, so you can discuss what is wrong within your relationship, then you're out.

The whole ring thing, and you wanting him to put it on your finger, sounded juvenile. You just could've said the engagement was off until further notice. Maybe that would have gotten his attention.

Well I dont want to lose but I want know why, I just dont know what to do or what to say. I want to work it out. What would be the best time to talk with him?

[hello1]

You just need sit down together and have EVERYTHING out. Ask him why he been going on dating sites and craig list. Tell him if he does it again it be OVER. Do not put with his behaviour, if he doesn't want to be with you anymore he should man up and say it, not try and cheat

[warriormaiden]

You make it sound so hard.

Get him when he's relaxed. There's no distractions around, and it's just you and him. And lay down the law. Tell him what you're feeling and what you want from him, which is the truth about your relationship. If he's still being evasive, and pushing you off and insisting on not talking about it, then you have your answer. He doesn't respect you and your feelings, and doesn't feel the need for an explanation that you rightfully deserve. If he does this, drop him, and move on.

[xxazurexx]

Sounds the type of guy who won't ever change IMO. Always seeking affirmation and attention, constantly wanting his ego boosted and by whoever is dumb enough to boost it for him.

But is it any wonder that this kind of guy has no incentive to change and when we get women who are actually dumb enough to stick around and bleat 'But I want to work on it'...

What is there to work on?? He has proved he's an untrustworthy bastard and bastards don't deserve a good woman!!