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Thread: What are your thoughts? Honestly, I can take it!

  1. #1
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    What are your thoughts? Honestly, I can take it!

    I have been out of the dating game for a while now and could use a little advice on my situation. I suppose two long term relationships one after another has left me a little rusty.

    I recently ran into an old friend from university at a night club and we ended up dancing the entire night away.We exchanged phone numbers and he said that we should get together. When the club closed, he walked me to my car and I offered to drive him home - when we reached his house, before he got out of the car, we shared a kiss...or two... We have always had an electric attraction to each other, but every time our paths have crossed over the years - and he's asked me if I had been seeing anyone - my answer has always been yes, so we have never had the opportunity to explore the idea of he and I as more than friends. However, that night was different because I am now single! He texted that night me to make sure that I had made it home okay, and again in the morning to wish me a safe flight as I was leaving on business trip to the west coast for a week.

    I texted him once while I was gone to say hello, he responded, and it went back and forth for about half an hour. He eventually ended the conversation wishing me a good rest of trip.

    I had been given basketball tickets for my birthday, so I did something that I had never done before; I called him up and invited him to the game. I wasn't expecting him to say yes, but when he accepted - I was in a little shock.

    The game was on Friday, so we planned to meet after work and head into downtown together for dinner before the game. We were going to meet closer to game time, but he made an excuse to get out of work early so that we could hang out for a bit before the game. The dinner conversation was light and fun, and we found out that we actually have a lot of things in common. When it got close to game time, we took a strole to the arena; he grabbed a beer and then went and found our seats. As it turns out, he was not a fan of the home team, but more so the opposing team! However, the game was in my team's favour and we shared a few laughs about the abysmal playing of his team. We agreed that we would watch another game together and that this time I would have to support his team - he'd even lend me a team t-shirt to sport.

    When the game ended, we hopped onto the subway to go back to the car - it was so crowded on the train that we had to squish in really close. He held onto my waist to make sure that I didn't lose my balance (even though I was holding on the the pole) until we were able to get out of the car. As we were chatting, he checked the time and realized that it was still early and suggested that we probably should have stayed in downtown and hung out for a bit. We decided to find a place closer to home and grab some drinks and appies. He asked me if it would be alright if his friends joined us as they were going to be at the bar that I had suggested, I was fine with as I knew some of them - and we all had a really great time. When we left the restaurant, one of his friends needed a ride home, so he asked me to drop him to his car so that could go drop off his friend, but I told him that since we were already out, I wouldn't mind dropping his friend off too.

    At the end of the night, when I dropped him off, he thanked me for inviting him to the game and that he had a really great time. I thanked him for dinner and he said that we should go and catch a movie sometime - one of the ones we had chatted about wanting to see over dinner. I thought that the evening went very well - the conversation was good, the mood was light, and hanging out with his friends was fun...however, as he was getting out of the car, I felt that the situation turn slightly awkward as he had already kissed me a few weeks back in the same spot. Although, had he leaned in, I would not have turned him down. Anyway, he gave me a hug and bid me good night.

    I sent him a message on Saturday to thank him for dinner and the drinks, but didn't hear back from him until the next day - his response said there was no need for thank yous from me and that he had had a blast and he thanked me again. It wasn't really a message that required a response, but I must admit that I was expecting something that same night...

    Anyway, I'm not too sure what to make of all of this. I felt that it went well, but I'm looking for an objective point of view. Was that kiss a few weeks ago just in the moment of being out clubbing, and him having a beer or two, was Friday night just a 'friend thing' - I know that it wasn't a date in true fashion, and I did offer up tickets to an exciting game, but I did feel that we had chemisty. I would love to get to know him better, but don't want to pursue something that isn't there if he isn't feeling it on his end. I feel like I've done my part - and now the ball is in his court. I feel that I should now wait for him to contact me - I don't want to appear too eagre and keep contacting him.

    Am I correct in my thinking?

  2. #2
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    Quote Originally Posted by RabbitEars View Post
    I feel that I should now wait for him to contact me - I don't want to appear too eagre and keep contacting him.

    Am I correct in my thinking?
    No. He likes you and it sounds like he was trying to be respectful and not give you the wrong idea of his intentions by escalating from the earlier kiss. Don't play games. Contact him. Be flirty. He'll like it. I'm THRILLED the rare times a woman texts me first.

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    He obviously likes you so as the previous poster said stop playing games and contact him. Games are for children.

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    I don't think you should contact him. Your not playing games by not contacting him, it's just like you said, you did your part. By not kissing you, maybe he is trying to say something. He already kissed you so I don't understand why he would take a step down unless maybe he doesn't want to lead you on.

    You should just leave it be, if he contacts you to go out again then accept; otherwise, your risking coming off too strong.

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    He seems to like her. If she likes him too, she is playing games by not contacting him. And she'll be hurting herself in the process.

    I think that hes behaviour (inviting other friends, not kissing) is because he isn't getting signals from you and assumes that you aren't interested in anything more than a friendship. Or maybe he is afraid that you would assume that he is only after sex like some women would.

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    Call him, text him or email him, and ask if he'd like to go out again sometime. And if he does, tell him it's his turn to think of something to do.

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    Don't call him again. You asked him out, and you even initiated contact with him afterwards. Now it is his turn to demonstrate reciprocal interest, or you risk emasculating him. Even if HE doesn't mind being emasculated, you have to think about how you would feel about being the boy all the time.

    And given the lack of kiss, it isn't even clear he remains interested.
    Last edited by vashti; 12-01-11 at 12:02 AM.
    Relax... I'll need some information first. Just the basic facts - can you show me where it hurts?

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    I *would* call or text again. I don't buy that emasculating bull. Just 'cause one is shy in the beginning don't mean he forever is. Though given how you wrote the last paragraph it very obvious you don't see the world like I do. So it's pretty obvious you won't be calling.

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    If it's important, if you want him then let him know. Text him, call him and stop playing games. Relationships are too important for bullshit

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    It's funny that some of you have suggested to me not to 'play games' - I have never been one to engage in that type of behaviour. If I'm interested in getting to know someone, I don't want any juvenile actions to stand in the way something that could have great potential. That being said, I am finding myself in unfamiliar territory. I have never been the one to go after the guy - in my last two relationships; I was the one being pursued. Because I had an interest in my previous two mates, I was thrilled to see their numbers on my caller id, or a text message pop up from them in the middle of the day before we had entered into any sort of relationship. However, I have also been on the end of not having any interest in a man, and finding that his texts, calls and emails were not a welcome addition to my day. I would respond, but only to be polite...until one day I had to tell him that I was not interested in a romantic relationship with him . I guess that is more of my issue with not calling or texting him - if he's not interested, I don't want to be a nuisance in his day - even if it is on the rare occasion, as I still have not heard from him.

    Hmmm...so, if I don't call, I'm playing games, or could be sending the wrong signals that I'm not interested, and if I do call, I could appear as coming on too strong! Haha - I guess I'm right where I started off.

    He's a pretty confident guy from what I gather, and I am beginning to think that maybe I need to let go of hope for any sort of romantic relationship with him.

    Now, I'm just putting this out there - please don't eat me, but, many of you suggested that he does actually like me, could it be that he is hesitant to enter into a relationship? He has been living the single life for quite a long time - spends tons of time with his boys - his last serious relationship ended around the time he and I had met in university OR he's just simply not interested.

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    If he is interested, he will be thrilled about your call. If he isn't, he just might grow some balls and tell it to you (a good thing).

    The only sure way to know if he is interested in you is to ask it. If he is, ask him to be more active.

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    Don't think about playing games or not. If you want to contacct him, you should. Stay true to yourself. If it's your thing to contact him sooner than you think he'd like, still do it. I mean.. it's you.. no point in hiding who you are. Np point in torturing yourself in waiting. Though.. one day late reply don't mean anything. Might just mean he left his phone out of reach (which I do whenever I get home..) or something. Don't read something into nothing. Do what feels right, to you. F*ck everyone else. Not literally, that's not good for your relationship.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Yet another guy View Post
    If he is interested, he will be thrilled about your call. If he isn't, he just might grow some balls and tell it to you (a good thing).

    The only sure way to know if he is interested in you is to ask it. If he is, ask him to be more active.
    i totally agree with this.. the only way to know for sure is to contact him and find out. just do it..

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    Thanks for your opinions guys...Let's see what happens...

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    Well, I guess I've got my answer and I am irritated. I still haven't heard from this guy - I was going to make one final attempt this weekend, but a couple of girlfriends drove into town, so we decided to have a girls night. While we were out - I ended up running into him again at random. He was for sure happy to see me, and we did end up spending the entire time together (where he did try and kiss me again) until the club closed, but I'm not holding my breath for any real follow through. He said that we should go for dinner this week, but I doubt I'll be receiving a phone call for him. I did get a text in the next morning thanking me for a fun night, but it ended at that. I knew that I should have kept my distance from him when I ran into him again, but I just can't seem to help myself when he's around. However, this will be the final time I give in - should our paths cross again. Anyway, I'm sure that none of you were sitting anxiously waiting by your computers for an update from me, but I needed to vent a little...haha. Anyway, that's that. Thank you all for your tips and advice!

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