Help desperately needed and no one I can ask for advice - please help?

[subtle]

Posting removed due to most (but not all) members of this forum being miserable self-loathing losers who have no interest in actually helping people, just putting others down in a doomed attempt to compensate for their own loneliness. Thank you for not reading what I wrote and accusing me of cheating when my relationships were six months apart. Thanks for saying I've been in 'serial' relationships and I'm a 'serial cheater' when I've only dated (or even slept with) two people my whole life, for four years each. Thanks for projecting your past onto me and insulting me - someone who you don't even know. And thanks for providing almost nothing in the way of advice. It was awesome.

[Raspuns24]

You need to break up with Evan, there is no doubt about that. He doesn't make you 'entirely' happy, you said that yourself. Why are you wasting your time and his time by continuing to stay with him? I understand that there is a bit of dependency but you need to figure out a way to get him out.

It doesn't matter what past decisions you made and how it turned out, what you feel is way more important. If you feel like you have a better chance at a relationship with this new guy then pursue it and if it doesn't work out, then move on. You don't need someone in your life to make you happy, you need to be happy with yourself before you can be happy with someone else.

[tom84]

I'm sorry to say... but you are a horrible person... You get yourself into long term relationships, of 4 years, then you start to look for a new guy while your still with your boyfriend! WTF are you doing? You may or may not have cheated/slept with another guy while still in a relationship; however, you are just as bad as someone who does cheat. If you are unhappy in a relationship, work on it, or end it, BEFORE looking for someone else. I don't even want to think of the pain you caused Jordan, I'm glad he found someone else and is married now... and not to you...

[subtle]

I wrote this whole long reply explaining everything but I'm
on my phone, as I said, and the Internet timed out and I lost it. It took ages to type and I don't want to type it again.

But the point was - does the title say 'please judge me?' I am not here looking for comments about how I handled things in the past, when I said they were complicated it's because to explain would have been unrelated to this thread. If my question were different I would have explained better. And FYI Jordan and I had broken up and hadn't even spoken for five months when I met Evan, and I was still reluctant to see Evan at that time. It wad complicated by the 'pain,' as you say, which in this case was caused by Jordan trying to win me back once he realized I was serious about Evan. My mistake was, in retrospect, my dismissal of Jordan because I was in a relationship. He wanted to marry me because he felt we were right for each other - I knew we were perfect for each other but I thought, 'i am young and I have only ever dated one person, so I cannot truly know anything. There will be other people that it will feel this good to be with.' It's tragic for both of us, but his actions were the cause of our break up, and the cause of much distress. And I am not cheating on Evan with the new guy - James - I have seen James twice now and we are definitely just friends, what I feel guilty about is merely the act of speaking with someone else who I am aware I would be very interested in if I were not already in a relationship.

And to the person who actually tried to help me, I partially agree with you but can you tell me why? Is anyone you date, after four years, really supposed to still make you 'completely happy?' I think we need to make ourselves happy, of course, but rhetorically speaking...

[ammi00]

You surely have some problems. No, you're not here to be judged, you're here for hearing all kind of opinions, so deal with them even if they're not on your taste. Let's see... Despite all the adjectives used to describe Evan, he doesn't make you entirely happy and Jordan is off limits and can't make you happy anymore. I think you should break up with Evan and give yourself some time to think about everything. Don't rush into a new relationship, test the waters first and learn from your mistakes. I'm sure you don't wanna end up regreting that you left Evan for a guy who "seemed" more interesting.

[xxazurexx]

You sound like a serial cheater to me. You get no sympathy here and IMO you don't deserve to be with any guy!

[xxazurexx]

But the point was - does the title say 'please judge me?' .

Who the heck are you to tell us how to think/what to say??

When you put your story out there, expect to hear allsorts of comments. If you don't want to hear 'honest' opinions, then keep your crap to yourself!

You've gone from man, to man to man....and cheated to go from man, to man, to man.

You don't even deserve opinions or help IMO...sort your own shit out!!!

[RockNRoll]

Break up with Evan, because you want to be with someone else (not just that new guy, it sounds like you just don't really want to be with Evan). You lose your sleep over thought about someone else and still consider to marry Evan? You say you are a smart girl, do you find this smart?! It is definitely not as good as it gets.

Sounds like you want to check, if the new guy is worth the break up with Evan. You want to safe yourself from risk of wrong decision and pain, but that's not how you should do it. Because that is cheating, no matter how physical you get - you are no longer committed to Evan by looking for another option.
You need to be honest with Evan. And once you are single you can do whatever you like. If you feel like you have energy only for one relationship, then give yourself single time to recharge and get rid of this feeling.

[subtle]

Rocknroll has provided the only helpful answer, what is wrong with you people?? Seriously! Are you so lonely and miserable and unlucky in love that you sit at your computer criticising other people to bolster your own confidence? I have bad news for you - I am a great person. I am also fantastic to be in a relationship with, which is why my only relationships have lasted so long. I have seriously improved Evans and Jordans lives, and I have always been 100% honest with both of them, including sharing with Evan how I currently feel. And I am not in serial relationships, how do you consider TWO FOUR YEAR relationships six months apart serial? This forum is useless because most of you are unhappy, jealous and pathetic. You clearly have no interest in helping others. I will find somewhere I can speak to people who are successful in their relationships, because they can tell me how they've managed to make things last and find happiness. Most of you are more clueless than I am. So a huge thank you to the one person who has submitted a thoughtful response - not because it's what I 'wanted' to hear (it was not) but because it was pro-active advice like I wanted. Everyone else - screw you too. I will not be checking back, so don't bother responding unless you're one of those people who likes talking just to hear your own voice.