it really is over

**ashley89** · 13-01-11, 10:10 AM

my boyfriend said he didn't love me, then gave me false hope thinking things might work out, but I can't sit here in this in between BS so we talked again and I guess it really is over. what. the. ****. am. I. going. to. do.

**want2heal** · 13-01-11, 10:15 AM

Ashley89 - if the 89 is an indicator of the year you were born then you have your whole life ahead of you. If someone tells you they don't love you then you have no choice but to move on. Why would you want to love someone or stay with someone who doesn't love you back?? He's not worth it. Give your love to someone who wants it and deserves it. You can do better. It'll be hard...and many of us including myself are going through pain. Keep you head up high... cry when you need to... it'll get easier!

**BeingAlpha** · 13-01-11, 10:22 AM

Hey Ashley -- if this links back to your previous post YOU MUST not EVER contact your ex - profess your love etc.. leave him alone. He says he doesn't love you but thats just plain silly .. people don't turn off their emotions. BUT you cannot bargain with him, plead with him, try to get him see your point of view. If you truly love him, then you need to honor what he is asking for and that is space to be alone. If he contacts you (and he will) don't think that it means he wants you back talk to him if you can handle it but right now you need to focus on YOU. Focus on healing -- if its meant to be -- it will be. But do not hold onto hope -- its your biggest enemy right now. You cannot and should not be friends right now or anytime soon.

You have a lot of life ahead of you, many more hearts to break and maybe one or two more heartbreaks to go through but you CAN and will survive. Focus on work, do some volunteer work, take a trip somewhere... it hurts but it helps.

**ashley89** · 13-01-11, 10:24 AM

I know I know but it's just so hard and none of this advice means anything when you're in this hurtful position and I just wanna kill myself

**ashley89** · 13-01-11, 10:26 AM

I love him so much and everything was perfect I just don't understand how he could stop loving me. It makes me feel like shit like I'm not even worth being loved and he can just say it like it's fine. And he says he cares but it hurts even worse. The other day he kinda gave me false hope and I thought things would be good and we even had sex with I completely regret and knew at the time was wrong. I don't know what to do with myself

**ashley89** · 13-01-11, 10:49 AM

the thing that really makes me upset is how he went about it. what he did was basically act like an asshole until I brought it to his attention, then he said he was 'falling out of love' and a bunch of BS. so we didn't talk for a few days, then i convinced him to see me, he KINDA broke up with me but then said maybe we could fix things, so all this time here I am thinking we're together when apparently we're not, then tonight it finally ended over a bunch of texts and then he acts all rude at the end, saying how I'm stubborn and I need to get over it since it had been over all this time... didn't even have the balls to dump me like a real man

**Cinnabella** · 13-01-11, 05:13 PM

I know how hurt you are cause me too :-(, I don't feel like I can love anyone else despite all of these advice that we must move on ... It's so hard cause our heart grew so much love to him, life is sucks.

Will it really work to have another bf or he will turn off totally :-0

**ashley89** · 14-01-11, 03:51 AM

it really does suck

today is a little better. i haven't really cried, i don't think i can cry anymore. but all of a sudden i'll think about it and gets this painful, depressed feeling

i'm hoping to just give it time and eventually, i will be ok. i'd like to go back to being friends with him because he was a big part of my life and still means alot to me. if i can be friends with him without having feelings for him, we may be able to still be in each other's lives

**BeingAlpha** · 14-01-11, 07:53 AM

Bad idea -- you won't be able to repress the feelings he might not be able to either. I just walked past my ex today and even now - 4 months after the fact I got that terrible feeling in my stomach -- and I was full of anxiety for an hour or two. Maybe when you are happily in love with someone else you could be friends -- right now..not a chance.

I guarantee you -- you will live...and you will get over it...maybe not completely but you will get over it...and you will find love again. Resist the urge to contact him and plead with him -- he is a free-willed person who can and should be allowed to leave if he wants to. Stop analyzing everything you did or should have done differently its not helpful because try as you might you cannot turn back time...only learn what you can from this and use that for the next relationship.

**ashley89** · 14-01-11, 08:09 AM

yeah I haven't been contacting him. it's so hard but I know it's not the right thing to do, and quite frankly I really don't even have anything I would want to say to him anymore. this just sucks so bad! everyone is giving me advice and I know it makes sense and it's right, but it's so hard to listen to when you are on the other side of the problem

**twinrexes** · 14-01-11, 09:35 AM

Yes, I know it's hard. Really, really hard. And yes, sometimes you feel like dying rather than facing your loss. But everyone here is right, you WILL get over it.

I can say that after having been through many heartbreaks. And there were times when I thought I could not go on without that one "perfect" person. But in looking back I realized that the sooner I stopped wallowing, the better things turned out. The times when I kept focusing on my pain, talking constantly about him, going places where I would see him, those were the relationships that took forever to get over.

Every time those circling thoughts start you in a downward spiral, go out for a jog or go to a spin class or something. Experiment with your wardrobe and hair, take up a new hobby, read some feel-good books, pamper yourself. It will all help, but especially things that fully engage both mind and body (like martial arts or dance for example) will make it hard for you to do the activity and feel depressed at the same time.

"Falling out of love" is often nothing more than getting bored with the same old routine. So stay FAR away from him for a few months and make sure that when you finally do run into him again, you are looking fabulous, are in great shape, and have had all kinds of exciting new adventures that he didn't get to be a part of. He'll be kicking himself for thinking you couldn't excite him anymore!

**ashley89** · 14-01-11, 09:39 AM

Originally Posted by twinrexes

"Falling out of love" is often nothing more than getting bored with the same old routine. So stay FAR away from him for a few months and make sure that when you finally do run into him again, you are looking fabulous, are in great shape, and have had all kinds of exciting new adventures that he didn't get to be a part of. He'll be kicking himself for thinking you couldn't excite him anymore!

awww! you just made me feel really good. thanks so much

today has been a lot better. I haven't cried

**BeingAlpha** · 14-01-11, 11:06 AM

Ashley,

Just to warn you and this is perfectly normal -- the sorrow will come in waves. One day you will feel on top of the world -- the next day you will feel like poop...it happens and it will continue to happen for a few weeks / months -- how long it takes you to heal depends on you. One thing that WILL NOT help is if you have any contact with him...warning you up front he WILL contact you -- it may not be in the next 1 month or 2 months but it is going to happen...you might think it means he wants to get back together but just be very very weary...unless he has greatly matured in the past x number of months hes probably just missing you -- how could he not if you were such a huger part of each others lives...it does not necessarily mean he wants to get back together. Just be careful and don't worry about anything you are doing hurting him (deleting facebook, emails etc..) right now the only person you should be concerned with is YOU and getting better.

**ashley89** · 14-01-11, 11:14 AM

I know. Since we haven't been talking I have felt better, because I feel like when he was trying to talk to me to be nice and "help me out" it really was only making things worse. it's just so hard you know? we talked everyday and always knew what was going on. and now it's like, I have no idea

even though I feel a little better today I keep thinking about him. I wonder if he's thinking about me and what's going through his mind and if he really cares like he said he did or if he just hates me and wants nothing to do with me... this sucks! really bad! but I'm trying to remain positive!

**Dean Kaplan** · 15-01-11, 02:03 AM

Ashley, what does your normal day consist of? I ask because, it sounds like you're sitting around idle a bit, which gives you way too much time to think about this. Do you work out? Do you work fulltime? Are you in school? Getting busy on purpose can help you get your mind on other things and can help you heal. But No Contact is a no brainer at this point, if you fail to follow NC, everything else is a waste of time.

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