I REALLY need some advice! I don't know what to do!

[EssexLove]

Hey everybody! Thanks for reading this and any help you can give me in advance.

Here's my issue: a few years ago I dated a man that I fell in love with the moment I met him and the feeling was mutual. He always went out of his way to exceed my expectations and treated me exceptionally well, never letting me want for anything. We dated (without sex) for about a year and a half, during which, I lived in another state for a few months but would come home to visit every 3 months or so.

There was always a LOT of sexual tension between us but eventhough he would usually at times try to get me to sleep with him he understood and respected that I was not ready for that yet as we were not yet officially in a relationship and probably enjoyed the chase. In fact, at about 9 months in I gave in to the incredible lust I had for him but he stopped me (fighting himself the best he could) and told me that he wanted to make love to me the first time and didn't want it to be just because we were both horny.

Well we had a mutual female friend that he had just met about a month before he met me but I had known her since I was aboubt 15 (6 or 7 years). At one time I was really close with her and her family but I had kind of lost touch with them in the past 2 or 3 years. Well, fast-forward about three months and he and I met up and made love. It was literally the most beautiful thing I had ever experienced to the point that I actually cried when he fell asleep (a point that I hate to admit b/c I am NOT a crier!).

2 months later I found out that our mutual friend was 3 months pregnant by him when I was invited to the baby shower! When I found out I did not let him know I knew until after the baby was born. And eventhough he never admited it to me I stayed by his side and helped him though all the stress it put him through. I honestly believe that she was just a convienience to him due to the fact that she had moved into his second bedroom for about 3 weeks when she was having some issues with her family and I would randomly see them out together when they didn't(she would give him rides to walmart when his car was in the shop. You see everybody at walmart!) and there was never any affection or even closeness. Especially compared to the way his was when he was with me.

When I confronted him about it he told me that she never meant anything to him and he wanted to tell me but he was afraid I would leave him. But at this point (once the baby was born it was actually real to me) I was so angry that I just stopped dealing with him for a while. I would talk with him every now and then and visit him every blue moon and he would always express his love for me and vow that eventhough he regrets that this happened and understands that I'm angry with him he believes in true love and he knows we'll end up together and he'll wait for me.

Well a few years have passed and I'm trying to decide if I should give him another chance. A while ago his child mom and I crossed words because she absolutely HATES me now and started speading lies about me. I can't quite blame her because she was head over heels in love with him but after she had the baby and finally expressed her feelings for him and that she expected to be a couple with him, he told he no because he's in love with ME! I really wish he didn't. I've gotten over most of the hurt that he has a son with my one time friend but I'm still a little angry that it happened. He still pursues me and beggs to see me but I haven't yet.

SO, sorry for the long story but I want to know what you guys think. Should I give love a second chance. Or should I let go of a great guy with a baby?

[GK001]

he had sex with a good mutual friend with out protection when his in love with you? how does that make him a "great guy?" what makes you think he wont cheat and sleep with another women out of convenience or heat of the moment later on in life?
i just feel sorry for the baby...seems as though he/she was a mistake. i dont believe in second chances in love. Once the trust is broken is very hard to get it back. Question is would you trust him enough to spend the rest of your life with this him?

[<3<3<3]

he had sex with a good mutual friend with out protection when his in love with you? how does that make him a "great guy?" what makes you think he wont cheat and sleep with another women out of convenience or heat of the moment later on in life?
i just feel sorry for the baby...seems as though he/she was a mistake. i dont believe in second chances in love. Once the trust is broken is very hard to get it back. Question is would you trust him enough to spend the rest of your life with this him?

TOTALLY agree!!!
Actually If you can really trust him, than you can be with him... and if you think that your feelings for him are more then everything else.

[hello1]

I agree with the other posters, if was so in love with you he would not have slept with another woman.

If you got back with him, think of what you have to deal with. Another woman baby, that baby will be a constant reminder of why you two spent so long apart. The baby Mum! She does not like you and will make your life hell, she wants you to go away so she can have a future with her baby father and I cannot really blame her for that! Do you really want to get into this situation? Forget about this man, cut him out of your life and really move on. There are so many men out there

[Heartache]

Sometime I jus dun understand why woman want to get involved with a married man with kid but I am no better than you as I myself get involved in a long distance relationship...


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[tom84]

I agree with the other posts, do not try to get back with him.

[xxazurexx]

Men who love you, don't tend to sleep with your friends behind your back. And what difference does it make if he loved her or not? So because he hadn't loved her, makes it ok for him to have done what he did?? LOL. Fact is, he still went behind your back to sleep with her. If he can't control his sexual urges, there is no hope for you as a couple.

Have to say that what baffles me, is that you don't seem that much bothered by the fact he slept with your ex friend and I'm unsure how you managed to keep it to yourself that you were aware she was pregnant to him. You obviously feared losing this guy a lot and to have kept your mouth shut.

I agree with everyone else, he's a waste of space.

[EssexLove]

I hope my message didn't mislead you guys into thinking that we were ever in a committed or exclusive relationship. We were not in any way! In fact I was still sleeping with my ex occasionally. I was just not ready to take it to that level with HIM at that time.

B/C we were not exclusive or committed and just getting to know each other and I was not sleeping with him, I completely expected him to be sleeping with SOMEBODY. That fact that he slept with her does not bother me at all. The fact that she got pregnant does since it could make any possible relationship we could have very difficult. If she wouldn't have gotten pregnant I would have no issue at all and I'm sorry if that sounds stupid but I don't expect "love" to be a disney senario. Things happen.

I just don't know if I should throw away someone who treated me so well and and fit me so well just because the situation has become a little complicated.

[xxazurexx]

Actually and when I've read the post again, it's a few years since this happened - I'd missed that part.

I think if you weren't exclusive and you were both sleeping with others and aware of it, then why not give it another go.

I'd see a guy who had a child to another woman - infact I was seeing a guy who had 2 kids.

Didn't happen and under the same circumstances as your baby did...but still. They are guys with kids, same thing.

[hello1]

I hope my message didn't mislead you guys into thinking that we were ever in a committed or exclusive relationship. We were not in any way! In fact I was still sleeping with my ex occasionally. I was just not ready to take it to that level with HIM at that time.

B/C we were not exclusive or committed and just getting to know each other and I was not sleeping with him, I completely expected him to be sleeping with SOMEBODY. That fact that he slept with her does not bother me at all. The fact that she got pregnant does since it could make any possible relationship we could have very difficult. If she wouldn't have gotten pregnant I would have no issue at all and I'm sorry if that sounds stupid but I don't expect "love" to be a disney senario. Things happen.

I just don't know if I should throw away someone who treated me so well and and fit me so well just because the situation has become a little complicated.

Again like I said in another post you IGNORED. This guy comes with baggage, this guy has a baby mum who will make your life hell. Is it really worth it?

I am dating a guy with a child and I wish I ran the other way when I found out. It is a nightmare.

[xxazurexx]

Again like I said in another post you IGNORED. This guy comes with baggage, this guy has a baby mum who will make your life hell. Is it really worth it?

I am dating a guy with a child and I wish I ran the other way when I found out. It is a nightmare.

LOL...it aint a nightmare for everyone in this situation hello1.

Besides, if the babys mom is being a clever cow, a swift punch in the mouth would soon shut half her mouth

Seriously, there are ways and a means of dealing with these people. Solicitors and the police spring to mind.

I wouldn't let no woman interfere in my life that is for sure, baby or frigging not.

Just as well I'm 'tough', lolss

[hello1]

LOL...it aint a nightmare for everyone in this situation hello1.

Besides, if the babys mom is being a clever cow, a swift punch in the mouth would soon shut half her mouth

Seriously, there are ways and a means of dealing with these people. Solicitors and the police spring to mind.

I wouldn't let no woman interfere in my life that is for sure, baby or frigging not.

Just as well I'm 'tough', lolss

Yeah you do have be tough! Im a wimp and do not like confrontation so harder for me! lol

OP if you can handle it then go for it with this guy, but realize not going be easy.