I am now socially acceptable to date?

[CynthiaC]

TROLL my dear.

I am not trolling.... I won't spend my time on a love forum to do that, it's just me and speaking my words of wisdom. If I wanted to troll I would make up bs stories on a more controversial forum like a Christian forum or something lmao, that would be rad.

But no it's just me, and helping people get what they want.

[xxazurexx]

I am not trolling.... I won't spend my time on a love forum to do that, it's just me and speaking my words of wisdom.

Have you ever heard of 'tact'? Uhm...thought not.

[confusedude]

I read your previous post, and must say I feel pretty bad for you. So one tall, lanky guy to another, let me give you some advice.

1. Stop caring. This may seem like strange advice, but I really think that your sense that you are unattractive and that women do not want you is coloring how you interact with them, becoming a self-fulfilling prophecy. Focus on doing things that you care about, and on developing confidence in who you are, and forget (for a time) about trying to find a girlfriend. There is a remarkably thin boundary between shy, nerdy guy and suave, mysterious guy, and confidence will help you cross over this border. I was a pretty shy guy in high school. In college, I developed a stronger sense of who I was, and started having a lot more success with women (I didn't even try that much in high school). One girl--who I felt was pretty obviously more attractive than me--aggressively pursued me to the point that, when we finally met, she already knew a lot about me, since she had been asking people for several weeks. So attitude can do a lot.

2. Cultivate your look. As I said, like you I am tall (6'2") and thin, because I am a runner. You should be wearing shirts in a small or medium. I realize that some shirts will be too short, so you will have to look around for a bit, but some shirts will work, and they will fit well. Avoid big, billowy jerseys and the like--they will look childish. Based on your most recent photos, it would appear that you've taken this advice to heart, but, if not, look into it. Also look for slim-fitting jackets and blazers--these look good on tall, thin guys. Cultivating a personal look ties in to #1 above, since it is all about developing confidence in who you are. It would also amaze you to realize how much something as simple as clothing choices can shape your perceived attractiveness.

3. Don't be resentful towards women. Don't assume that they will reject you or must find you unattractive. Treat women as equals--don't blame them, and don't put them on pedestals.

4. Don't become friends with women. This is not going to devolve into some misogynist rant. Women make great friends. But right now you want a girlfriend, so when you meet a new girl that you would be interested in dating, make this clear from the beginning. Stealth dating--where you become friends with someone with the hopes of becoming more than friends--only really works if the other person wanted to date you all along.

5. Take a trip. Sometimes being with the same group of people in the same place can hinder personal change. People view you in a certain way and treat you in a certain way, based on their expectations about how you will act, and you can find yourself unconsciously conforming yourself to their expectations. I went to college half way around the world from where I grew up, and in a markedly different social environment. I think this was a hugely beneficial experience, since it meant that I could break free of expectations about who I was that I thought I had outgrown. It seems that you are already in school, so going somewhere else for that probably is not an option, but taking a trip to a place that you have never been before can really change your attitude and self confidence. Also, the shape of your ears (I realize not an issue any more) will seem much less severe a problem when you're sitting at a cafe in Rome.

6. Don't be friends with people who call you unattractive. I saw that in your last post. No offense, but that just seems messed up. Your friends should be supportive of you, and they should think that you're attractive, evenly if maybe "unconventionally" so. I am not suggesting you break off communications with the "friends" who said that altogether, but I do think you might want to distance yourself from them a bit until they realize what they are missing.

Anyway, apologies for the long post, but I hope you find something of value in there.

Best,
B

[MerryH]

Yes, I ask girls out on dates.

How many girls have you asked out in the past six months? How do you ask? Are they strangers, acquaintances, friends, what?

[Franklin]

1. Stop caring. This may seem like strange advice, but I really think that your sense that you are unattractive and that women do not want you is coloring how you interact with them, becoming a self-fulfilling prophecy. Focus on doing things that you care about, and on developing confidence in who you are, and forget (for a time) about trying to find a girlfriend. There is a remarkably thin boundary between shy, nerdy guy and suave, mysterious guy, and confidence will help you cross over this border. I was a pretty shy guy in high school. In college, I developed a stronger sense of who I was, and started having a lot more success with women (I didn't even try that much in high school). One girl--who I felt was pretty obviously more attractive than me--aggressively pursued me to the point that, when we finally met, she already knew a lot about me, since she had been asking people for several weeks. So attitude can do a lot.

I'm not shy at all. I'm very outgoing and social. I have the confidence to talk to women. They're turned off by my looks.

[QUOTE=confusedude;665054]
2. Cultivate your look. As I said, like you I am tall (6'2") and thin, because I am a runner. You should be wearing shirts in a small or medium. I realize that some shirts will be too short, so you will have to look around for a bit, but some shirts will work, and they will fit well. Avoid big, billowy jerseys and the like--they will look childish. Based on your most recent photos, it would appear that you've taken this advice to heart, but, if not, look into it. Also look for slim-fitting jackets and blazers--these look good on tall, thin guys. Cultivating a personal look ties in to #1 above, since it is all about developing confidence in who you are. It would also amaze you to realize how much something as simple as clothing choices can shape your perceived attractiveness.
[/QUOTE

I stopped wearing jerseys over a year ago. They weren't doing much for me.

3. Don't be resentful towards women. Don't assume that they will reject you or must find you unattractive. Treat women as equals--don't blame them, and don't put them on pedestals.

I'm not upset at women. They have the right to see me as unattractive. There's nothing anyone can do about it. I'm not kissing their asses to get them to like me.

How many girls have you asked out in the past six months? How do you ask? Are they strangers, acquaintances, friends, what?

I haven't asked out anyone in the past six months. I prefer to ask out someone I'm trying to get to know. I've asked out over 20 women in my life to only receive ewws and nos.

[confusedude]

Listen, dude: there is nothing wrong with your appearance. I can't seen anything that would account for your experience. So unless the 20 women that you've tried asking out all inhabit some sort of Amish village, there must be something wrong with your approach.

This is how you do it: You are at a party with a bunch of people you know. Some women who you do not know--invitees of some friend of yours--show up. Throughout the party, you catch the eyes of one of them from a distance as you are talking to one of your friends. If she holds the eye-contact, some time later you come over to her and have a conversation. If she seems into you during the conversation, tell her you want to see her again and ask for her number. This works for me, and I am like the phantom of the opera's less attractive half-sibling.

What do you say to girls that you ask out? Maybe if we know, we can offer insight about what you might be doing wrong.

[Franklin]

I've had issues with my approach when it comes to eye contact. In the past I didn't know if she is checking me out or staring at my ears. Most of the time she was staring at my ears.

When I ask girls out I tell them that I'm interested in them and then I ask them out.

[sadie_genie]

Maybe you just need to give it a little patience and meet more people. That way, you will find more people who find you attractive. I looked at the before and after pictures and I love your new look. You look way and I mean wayyy less dorky now. Just continue with the confidence and I am sure you will find a girlfriend soon.

[Franklin]

Dorky because of having deformed ears?

[red_sparrow]

you look great!

you're an attractive guy, especially after the surgery! you look very intelligent.

[curly1118]

Dude, you look fine. Just be confident in yourself and don't go to parties and stuff with the intent to get laid or date someone. Just be your good self and people will end up coming to you. Be patient, friend.

[Bo]

you're ears are really not that bad, but i would say lose the glasses if you can and the goatee or style it a different way. On the bottom pic with the jeans, they look a little tight..maybe a different style of jeans? Because you're skinny don't wear pants that are skinny but also not baggy. It just needs to be straight. I'd cut some of the plaid out, it's good but i think solids would maybe be a little better...i think the plaid makes you look a tad dorky. Besides those minor things, just relax. When you're nervous, people will notice it.