Completely Numb Right Now

[misombra]

dedicated to you.

[SelflessnHumble]

Me too...

How the heck she can squirm out of this one, I don't know.

I'll tell you how: he loves her despite what she's done which borders on impossible in his mind.
I don't understand how this kind of relationship functions but then again since 05 and up she's possibly been lying to him
and only because he was "told" about it did he stumble upon the truth...He didn't suspect a thing. -Love is blind- I guess?

[Avg.]

This is terrible.

I wish you nothing but the best. I couldn't imagine the pain you're feeling. Please contact and talk to us on this forum. We want you to get through this in one peace.

[MerryH]

A friend suggested that I wrote down everything that I want to say and want to ask. I have tried, but I'm so tired right now that I can't focus.

You could probably use a lot of what you already wrote here.

So sorry that happened to you. I don't know what to say.

[VincenzoG91]

I'll tell you how: he loves her despite what she's done which borders on impossible in his mind.
I don't understand how this kind of relationship functions but then again since 05 and up she's possibly been lying to him
and only because he was "told" about it did he stumble upon the truth...He didn't suspect a thing. -Love is blind- I guess?

There was a specific incident in spring of 2004 that set off alarms in my head. She was living with me temporarily at the time while looking for a new apartment, and she came home at 3:30 AM without calling or answering my calls. We had an inconclusive fight, and she promised that she would call next time if she was going to be out late. She said that she was up late cramming for a test with a friend.

The next night, she did text me to say that she would be out late again, so I called her but got no answer. I tried to sleep, ended up surfing online for some porn, because sometimes an orgasm helps me get to sleep. So, being a reasonably normal guy, I was googling up lesbian porn. You know how firefox defaults to showing you previous internet searches as you are typing in a new search? Instead of lesbian porn sites, my browser was suggesting lesbian dating sites, and several of them were showing a slightly different color, indicating that these sights had been visited recently by my computer. So I poked around in those sites and found Amy's profile on one. It looked remarkably similar to her profile at the heterosexual dating site where we met. I was stunned.

It was really late, like 4 AM, and the only person I knew who would be awake at that hour was my previous girlfriend, who had gotten out of prison just months earlier. We talked for an hour about the situation, and she gave me some okay advice. Then Amy got home, wearing a very short miniskirt and very high heels, reeking of perfume, at 5:30 AM. We had another big fight, and I called her the c-word. However, she happened to have a great alibi. We drove to a nearby hospital, where a half dozen friends of hers were camped out in the waiting room because a friend was in ER. They verified that Amy had been there with them all night.

In hindsight, I think that both things happened. I think that she was out late on lesbian dates, and her friend did end up in the Emergency Room with appendicitis, and Amy rushed to be there. Anyway, the important thing is that I knew that I had trust issues from previous relationship with a criminal, and the ER alibi made me believe that I was being paranoid and that I just needed to trust Amy. So even when there were all kinds of warning signs over the years, I rationalized them away with trust. I never got to see her friends and family anymore, because she's ashamed of the age difference. I never got to visit her at her current apartment this last year, because she was living with her cousin Julia, who never liked me. Big stuff like that. Now I know that she was hiding a whole second life from me.

[xxazurexx]

Bringing the keys tomorrow night to talk? If I was her in this situation, I'd have returned to talk to you much sooner than that and if I was looking to prove my innocence and this is not what it seemed. Gives her time and to think about and to plan some story I guess. If she's lied since you first met, what makes her think you will believe her crap now and why should you? Once they lie, you can't trust another word they say. Don't be too quick to believe what she says.

[misombra]

I absolutely agree. She's lied all this time about so much she probably doesn't even know how to be truthful.

[VincenzoG91]

She waited until mid-afternoon to contact me yesterday, and she had a work shift in the evening. And her fiance, if he's still in the picture, probably has a low tolerance for her getting home late these days. So last night wouldn't have worked.

Speaking of the fiance, I'm willing to bet that they still get married. He will tell himself that she chose him, because she turned down my proposal and accepted his. Their new house is nearly finished, and there are wedding arrangements and lots of friends and family who know them as a couple. This momentum will take them to the altar and into marriage. But we all know the saying, once a cheater, always a cheater. And he knows for a fact now that she is a cheater. So the marriage is doomed from the start.

For them, this will just be a typical bad marriage story, nothing we haven't seen before here at LF. I feel like I ducked a bullet, but not really. No, I'm not getting married to a cheating sociopath who will end up with half my stuff after a messy divorce. But I wasted so many years on this deadend relationship. I'm 45, and that's pretty late to start over and still find time for marriage and kids. For medical reasons, my sister can't have kids either, so this is the end of the line for our family line.

[Chlorine]

But I wasted so many years on this deadend relationship. I'm 45, and that's pretty late to start over and still find time for marriage and kids.

VincenzoG91------No it is not too late to start all over again.

She has hurt you now, don't let her ruin your future.

You deserve better.

[VincenzoG91]

There was a discussion here last summer, about the meaning of life. I agree with the existentialist notion that everybody has to have their own personal meaning of life. But at this point in my life, mine is a typical one: I want to get married and have kids and raise them to be good people. That's my personal meaning of life, to create more life and to nurture it. But I wasted 13 prime years of my life on two bad women. I will probably waste another few years on relationships sabotaged by paranoia. Then I'm close to 50, and it's just too late in the game to start a family.

For now, the meaning of my life is simpler. The reason I will get up tomorrow is to feed my cat. He's a really nice cat, and he loves me. The idea of him sniffing my dead body saddens me so much that I will force myself to live and get up every morning. The day he dies, I will be staring into an abyss of loneliness. Fortunately, he is a young cat, maybe 3 years old.

[vashti]

It's not too late for you. 45 year old men are in high demand, vincenzo, so long as you are willing to date women >30. Of course, you may have to be tolerant of women who already have kids. You could even date younger, since I seem to remember you having kept yourself in good shape, not that I suggest younger than 30. You are probably tired of having to raise them up.

[the_robot]

45 isn't too old nowadays, keep in mind the life expectancy is getting higher and higher, nowadays women having kids int heir 40's isn't that strange, and women have a lot more trouble for that than men do... You just gotta take care of the paranoia and things will work out Vincenzo..

[VincenzoG91]

Yeah, I'm a fitness freak. 6'1", 190#, 34" waistline now. I don't have six-pack abs, but otherwise I'm built like a guy who is 20 years younger. I don't think that I could stand to date a young woman again, so 28 would probably be my absolute minimum. I was open to the idea of dating a woman with kids when I was younger, but it seems like that's a weak foundation for a relationship, to start out in second or third place in her affections. I would much rather raise kids that are my kids.

[Petit Papillon]

Vince never say never. Maybe you will meet a woman that wonderful ,thay even if she will have some kids on her own, it won't bother you at all. It's not that bad to be with a woman who has kids already. Do divorced women not deserve to get such a cookie like you? Well, as long as those kids aren't some freaking little devils, it's fine And maybe she will agree to let you install some of your genes in her belly as well LOL Or just go and get some hot 30 . Some sexy business woman or something

[vashti]

Yeah, I'm a fitness freak. 6'1", 190#, 34" waistline now. I don't have six-pack abs, but otherwise I'm built like a guy who is 20 years younger. I don't think that I could stand to date a young woman again, so 28 would probably be my absolute minimum. I was open to the idea of dating a woman with kids when I was younger, but it seems like that's a weak foundation for a relationship, to start out in second or third place in her affections. I would much rather raise kids that are my kids.

It's true that dealing with other people's children is much more complex, and I don't blame you for your hesitation. Life gets to be more complex as you get a bit older, doesn't it? Still, you have options, even if they are somewhat less ideal than you'd like. Be glad you aren't a woman at your age. it's much harder.