One night encounter... or so I thought

[OkieDokie]

For a short background, I'm currently pending a divorce from my wife ( thread a few pages back with the long story) and newly trying to talk to women beyond small talk.

So I haven't had too much success, admittingly I haven't put THAT much effort in it since I don't really want anything right now, just meet some new people here and there while hanging out with friends. Well last week we start talking to a group of women at the bar. Long story short I left with one of them and stayed the night at her place ( more background, I still live in the same house as my future ex-wife, so my place was a last resort, lol). So I left that morning for work without her number, she had mine, we tried calling my phone from hers so I'd have her number but it didn't work. So a couple days go by and I figure she doesn't want anything to do with me, which would be understandable under the cirumstances ( this is all new to me).

So she ends up texting me , hey and we text back and forth with small talk, both saying we had fun and want to hang out again. We had some tentative plans but one of my responses to her gave her the idea I didn't want to see her again. Which honestly I do want to see her, she was fun and I'd like to know her better. She kept saying that night and a couple of times in texts that I still love my wife and I shouldn't see her again or why am I doing this, etc etc. I don't know why she got that impression, nothing I said should have given that impression so I guess it could be body language. Is this her way of saying she doesn't want to see me? Even after saying to me she wanted to see me again? How should I proceed with her, should I just let her drive if/when we see eachother or should I attempt to push the situation along alittle bit?

On an aside, definetly found out that I'm not a one night stand kinda guy. Not going to lie it was fun, but I don't think I'll be looking for that again.

[vashti]

We had some tentative plans but one of my responses to her gave her the idea I didn't want to see her again.

What did you say to her?

[OkieDokie]

What did you say to her?

When I was over she was saying she needed tools to put stuff together, I said I had some she could use. When I asked her about when she needed them she asked if (not can) I was going to help put them together ( some baby furniture for her daughters dolls). I just responded with something like.. Ummmmm I can if you need it. That got the response of nevermind, I got it, cya. I later texted back and said ok but let me know if you need help, I want to see you again sometime. She said I didn't think you did by your response. I told her that I wanted to help ( which I do) but I wasn't assuming I'd be helping, just letting her borrow a couple tools. And I apoligized for the mixed message. She said cool and we texted a few more times with small talk, but nothing more about getting together.

[vashti]

If I understand you correctly, your response was less than enthusiastic, and probably would have put me off a bit, too, but I think her reaction was too extreme. I can't imagine accusing a guy of being in love with someone else because he didn't want to help me assemble furniture. I would, however, wonder if he was lazy, or just plain stupid.

Here's a word of advice for the future: if a woman gives you an opportunity to look like a manly-man, unless you aren't interested in her, I think you should take the opportunity to look like a hero. You won't get that many opportunities to make yourself look so fantastic.

[OkieDokie]

If I understand you correctly, your response was less than enthusiastic, and probably would have put me off a bit, too, but I think her reaction was too extreme. I can't imagine accusing a guy of being in love with someone else because he didn't want to help me assemble furniture. I would, however, wonder if he was lazy, or just plain stupid.

Here's a word of advice for the future: if a woman gives you an opportunity to look like a manly-man, unless you aren't interested in her, I think you should take the opportunity to look like a hero. You won't get that many opportunities to make yourself look so fantastic.

I agree, my response totally wasn't enthusiastic. I was worried I'd scare her off for some reason, even though the invite was OBVIOUSLY there. As soon as I sent it I shook my head at my self. Oh well. I told her why I said it and it was sincere and I truly did want to help. We'll see if she was saying that to me or if she really does have it taken care of.

Thanks for the advice, you can file my response under the just plain stupid category. Lesson learned.

[vashti]

I agree, my response totally wasn't enthusiastic. I was worried I'd scare her off for some reason, even though the invite was OBVIOUSLY there. As soon as I sent it I shook my head at my self. Oh well. I told her why I said it and it was sincere and I truly did want to help. We'll see if she was saying that to me or if she really does have it taken care of.

Thanks for the advice, you can file my response under the just plain stupid category. Lesson learned.

Well, stupid is probably better than lazy, at least in my book.

I hope she'll give you another opportunity soon.

[OkieDokie]

Well, stupid is probably better than lazy, at least in my book.

I hope she'll give you another opportunity soon.

no go tonight. Said she was still good. Told her I was bummed, asked about this weekend.... she said she has her daughter this weekend. I left it that I wanted to see her again and to let me know if wants to get together when shes able to. Sooo I guess I'll wait and see.

[Gigabitch]

Maybe you should make what looks like a real effort this time. This could be well worth your time.

[OkieDokie]

Maybe you should make what looks like a real effort this time. This could be well worth your time.

Like? I was planning on giving her a call or text Sunday, just letting her know I was thinking of her and hope she had a good weekend with her daughter.... Just to let her know I'm still interested. Is that to pushy?

[twinrexes]

Not too pushy at all. One of the things that's been putting her off is that you're too tentative. She interprets it as you're still in love with your ex and/or not that interested in her. Vashti is right, she gave you a golden opportunity to assert your manhood by inviting you to bring your tools and assemble some furniture. She's clever enough to know what makes a man feel useful and appreciated.

How about you using actions rather than words? Send her a bouquet of roses with a note attached telling her you'll be picking her up at seven o'clock for dinner Saturday night. She can always call and say "no".

[OkieDokie]

Not too pushy at all. One of the things that's been putting her off is that you're too tentative. She interprets it as you're still in love with your ex and/or not that interested in her. Vashti is right, she gave you a golden opportunity to assert your manhood by inviting you to bring your tools and assemble some furniture. She's clever enough to know what makes a man feel useful and appreciated.

How about you using actions rather than words? Send her a bouquet of roses with a note attached telling her you'll be picking her up at seven o'clock for dinner Saturday night. She can always call and say "no".

Yes. I know I made a bonehead move with my response, live ya learn. Sent her a text yesterday, haven't heard anything back but I didn't really ask her anything either. Just saying hi, thinking of her, have a great weekend, etc. Think I will call her mon or tuesday, see if she wants to go out for dinner. I know she said she has her daughter every other weekend, not sure about week days. Don't know her address/apt # for flowers, I suppose I could sneak up to the building and see, but I think I will just call. When I call, is NOT leaving a message a weird sign? I'd rather talk to her than leave a message.

[vashti]

You can try to call, but honestly, if she's not returning them, I think she's moved on.

Don't do the flowers. It will be seen as groveling.

[OkieDokie]

You can try to call, but honestly, if she's not returning them, I think she's moved on.

Don't do the flowers. It will be seen as groveling.

Yeah I kind of figure she's moved on but I think it its worth a call, can't hurt worst that happens is she yells at me and calls me a creep for contacting her. Def not doing flowers.

[Liam_680]

it seems that she does like you as well and there could be a future to the both of you if you pursue her now, but if you are not ready for a new relationship, then give it some more time and dont be too attached to anyone just yet.

[OkieDokie]

it seems that she does like you as well and there could be a future to the both of you if you pursue her now, but if you are not ready for a new relationship, then give it some more time and dont be too attached to anyone just yet.

I thought she did too, but not replying has me second guessing. I don't reply to messages sometimes but if she sent me that message I'd have replied at some point. Next time ( and last time) I contact her, I will call her. Maybe she's had a change of heart which is fine because I'm not looking for anything THAT serious yet, and she said she wasn't either but wanted to go out again. Neither of our divorces are finalized yet so we're kind of of in same boat there. I just wish, if she doesn't want to see me again she'd just say it, or text it. Wouldn't be the end of the world. We'll see, I'll give it a few days.