Can you just be good friends with an ex?

[Lucy_2011]

Hi,

I've been dating my boyfriend for about 6 months. We always agreed to take things slowly as we'd been hurt in the past. I was ill for a while and in hospital for a while so we never actually had sex. On Sunday he told me that he thought we should be friends as although he loves me, he thinks its more friendship than anything. He still wants to see me and go out and talk etc. I was devastated but have agreed to go along with this. He may be right, maybe we had no future as a couple. But I love being with him and going out and talking.

I suppose I'm wondering if this has worked for anyone. Can you go from being a 'couple' to just mates and do you think he may change his mind at any point? I know you can't read minds! But maybe he might see what he's missing and want me back?

Thanks for reading

Lucy x

[smackie9]

It can but it will have it's pit falls. One the feelings will have to be delat with. How would you feel seeing him dating someone that doesn't approve of you hanging around him? Can you handle the feelings of jealousy? How would you feel if he chooses his new GF over you. And how much time are you thinking of spending with him? This may interfere with you getting over him. It might be a good idea to get some space between you so you can give yourself time to adjust to being single again.

If you want him to miss you, you need to put space between you. As they say distance makes the heart grow fonder. But only give it about 3 months. If he doesn't make a move, then it's bye bye.

[xxazurexx]

Immediiately after a break up, no I don't think exes can be friends and especially if one party still has feelings. The one with feelings will ALWAYS want more.
If you don't get back together and he remains adamant he only wants friends, then you will start to resent being his friend and because you are not getting from him what you really want....to be back with him.

I've been there and know what I'm talking about. I struggled really hard in being friends with an ex I still had feelings for and this was 2 months after the split....not immediately after the split.

These days we are 'friends' though and because it's now 2 years ago since the split and I'm able to be his friend now and without getting pissy he doesn't want me back.

He's ended the relationship and you owe him NOTHING.

This suggestion of friends and from an ex partner who dumps you, is also sometimes done and to ease their guilt.

If you want him to miss you....stay away from him and don't be his friend.

[SelflessnHumble]

Would you like the politically correct advice, or the truth?

-If you like someone more than they like you: stop "hanging out" with them until you can be around this person with a platonic friendship in mind.
-Of course you can be a couple, then become friends: however usually a friendship has to be in place before this happens but it can also be he just wasn't truly into you.

Anything is possible but it is highly improbable he changes his mind when you "show" him what he's been missing for him to reconsider his choice and loss.
I commend you for not having sex with him 6momths into the your relationship but if he doesn't want you: you should accept this and find someone who does.

It's both convenient and complacent for someone to stick it out because of the time you feel is invested: but he doesn't want you as you do him.

[RockNRoll]

Hi Lucy,
I think, every case is different. No matter how many success stories you hear, it all depends on sort of relationship you had.
How long have you known each other for? You have more chances, if you've been friends before. It also will be less awkward as you never had sex.

Can you go from being a 'couple' to just mates and do you think he may change his mind at any point? I know you can't read minds! But maybe he might see what he's missing and want me back?

He already had 6 months and basically broke up with you. You should neither hope that he changes his mind, nor give him second chance, especially if he isn't asking for it. He made his choice already and should live with it. You can go to being mates, only if neither of you want anything more.

It is a very fresh break up for you. Take your time to think about your feelings and deal with them. Let your feelings settle down and be more rational about it. He told that it's "more friendship than anything" - doesn't it turn you off?!

You don't need to rush into anything. What you really need to do no matter what - is to get over him and this story, move on with your life. The sooner you move on, the sooner you'll be ready to look for a better relationship. It's not worth to dwell on this one, it's a dead-end.

How did he say about being friends?
I know, you don't want to lose him completely. I would suggest to be in No contact for a bit, and think whether you can be "just friends" without any hopes. If you do, you need to slow things down, you can keep in touch randomly and maybe meet up after a month or two. Don't make any long-term plans, though, you might feel differently in a month time and having this plan will only stop you from being in touch with your feelings.

Whatever you do, don't have sex with him and don't (try/agree to) "get back". Accept, that it's over as a "dating" relationship. Maybe you'll keep in touch as acquaintances, but that's later.