HELP with our secret relationship

[sdub2oh]

okay,

so the story is that my co-worker has had this HUGE crush on another co-worker of mine for the longest time (over a year) and has tried getting with her, but has failed. They've seen each other a few times only on the circumstances that all of my other co-workers including my managers push it for him, but really she doesn't have feelings for him. She's come to me a few times about how she feels and they've had their short short term together and she ended it saying she didn't want a relationship right now. At that point she really didn't want to be with him. She also told me the only reason she even saw him was because she's just being nice and seeing if she would like him, but didn't.

Now this hole time I did initially have a small crush on her as well, but never did anything simply because my guy co-worker is a good friend and I didn't want to intrude at all so I forgot about it.

Then, on new years eve me and the girl co-worker decided to hang out and one thing lead to another and now were going out and it feels like REAL love even though it has only been a few weeks, we both have a lot of feelings for each other. This was totally unplanned, but honestly we just fell for each other. We have both been in relationships before so were not just being ignorant about our feelings towards each other because we are experienced and I just wanted to point that out.

So the thing is my guy co-worker still has feelings for her and everyone at work still pushes them together even though it's clearly not going to happen. Were trying to figure out a way to tell him before everyone finds out and tells him first. BUT for sure if we tell him he will be hurt and devastated and tell everyone else at work. (I work at an asian and everyone is extremely gossipy BELIEVE ME it's like korean drama). We are all pretty close to each other at work too we are all good friends.

So our dillema is, should we tell him? how do we tell him?

if we do tell and everything get's out everyone at work will pretty much hate us for doing this to our co-worker because he really is a good and sweet guy that everyone likes. currently we are VERY good at hiding our love at work because we work in different areas and we don't speak about our relationship at work and limit our talk time. trust me we are good at keeping it under wraps only 1 person that we TRUST and know won't talk knows out of 60 employees.

and no were not going to seperate because we work together this is the most real thing I have ever felt with any girl we make each other really happy and we've been through a lot.

I should also add that my guy co-worker has NEVER had a girlfriend and that my view on his crush is just that first girl that every guy can't get over if you know what I mean.

what should we do? eventually this may unfold uncontrollably

[MerryH]

I don't think anyone at work needs to know your business. Then again, I don't think you should have to hide it, either.

If you really consider that guy your actual friend (not just a work friend), then I guess you could sit him down outside of work and let him know that you've gone on some dates with the girl. His reaction isn't really your problem, so if he starts to bitch out about it, just walk away.

[<3<3<3]

I think that sooner or later he will find out and if you have close relationships, I think it should be you who should tell him ...
But you should choose appropriate moment for it... maybe at first you will help him to date someone? Introduce him to some nice lady...
Anyway I think it will be very hard for him to realize that you two are dating, but I think it's better for him to hear that from you than as a gossip from someone else....

[GK001]

yeah like every one here has said. you need to tell him but to not hurt his feelings too hard (cos it will) then you need to prob intro him to other girls or get him to look at things from a perspective first.
e.g " hey buddy, the girl you likes asked me out on a date. to respect your feelings rather then you finding out later i'm telling you this...blah blah"

there is a rule we have with in our social circle of single males; which is never bring a chick you like before commitment to meet your friends. never go after a chick your friend likes.
If his a close friend then...prepare for him to hate you for the rest of your life. if you do this wrong it will hammer him hard.