Is there any hope out there for me?

[Amanda7289]

I'm Mandy.. I just joined here the other day and I guess I should give you some background before the question. I have always been kind of "sheltered" by my parents and by the sort of things I did in the past (like ballet and figure skating-both which destroy your social life.) Anyway, I'm 21 now and I haven't really dated a whole lot. I did have a few boyfriends but they never really evolved into much. THEN... I met the love of my life and we went out and I thought he was "the one" and he acted like he loved me and said he did.. and everything seemed to be going so well until I found out he was married and older than he told me. Devastation is an understatement. I got pregnant by him, too and I have a beautiful 3 month old now but I don't want anything to do with my ex boyfriend. I feel so used and gullible and stupid.

Anyway, I feel like there is no hope for me now, since I'm a single mom and have so little dating experience and now don't know if I can even trust again. I just feel like I am going to go on forever as a single person. My son means the world to me.. and I'm happy for the most part with my life, but someday I want to love someone. Do single moms have it a lot harder meeting people? If you like a guy and he seems to like you, at what pointe do you bring up the "oh, and by the way, I'm a mom" issue? Does that scare them off usually? I don't know. I would love some advice. Thank you!

[doppelgaenger]

I do think single moms have a harder time dating, especially at your age. You won't find very many guys your age who will be interested; 21 year old guys will typically view your boy as baggage and that will scare them away, with very few exceptions. Older guys may overlook it because they are financially secure or are ready for kids, but you need to exercise extremely keen judgment.

But is dating really in your best interest at this point? You just got out of a really crappy situation. You're vulnerable and not ready for that. Can you financially support yourself? The last thing you want to do is get taken advantage of by another guy and having more illegitimate children. You should focus more on your parenting and make sure your boy turns out all right. That is your responsibility for now and dating at this point might just distract you from being the best parent you can be at his young age where nurturing is most important.

And I thought I'd throw in a success story to cheer you up. My parents divorced decades ago, when I was just a kid and my mother chose to continue dating when I grew older. It messed with my mind a bit, but she did meet a couple of very nice guys (and also some horrible monsters) and she is happily married to the man who is now my step father and they've been together for 8 years now.

[SelflessnHumble]

Look, we all make decisions, right? Some bad, some good, but some are irreversible: like having unprotected sex.
Feelings, Mandy are made to deceive, transcend logic, and reason and for these reasons alone aren't to be trusted fully.
Your personal intuition may be small because your experiences are few...but I know how it feels when you fully trust someone
that ends up being an illusion the entire time; while your feelings are very real -left in the aftermath...

So...what to do?
Well, quite frankly single men don't want single mothers! It's deemed baggage most single men aren't willing to put up with.
Of course it *can* scare the guy off, which is why you need to make better decisions...your baby depends on it!

I don't think I need to get into the details of this relationship, but in the future: please...
Get to know any man BEFORE giving him sex. Sex (when you're good hearted) is supposed to be reserved for that person
who loves you inside and out: and who is there for you supporting you no matter what...Most men view sex as a sport or hobby...
Which means they can continue to have "sex" while you think you are making love to the man you love. Men use a woman's natural instinct to equate
love with sex -and to his advantage to continually perpetuate a lie.

The focus should be your baby first and foremost.
Once you've truly bonded with the baby, and have given her all your attention (especially NOW) for the first year, then
I would consider getting a family/friend to babysit for only one to two hours a week so you can try to meet a good man.

[Aniphilia]

Gawwwd no woman! A man loves a mother! In fact you had better be MOMMA BEAR because you are considered easier prey by predators now that you have a child. The evildoers see you as weak with offspring and no man to provide. Dont let anyone you have interest in meet your son for quite a long time. This will set the boundries and SHOW your priorities. You had better learn how to growl too. None of the weak girl s***!
And oh hell yes you will have plenty of time to enrich yourself before the 2nd man in your life comes along magickally ( your first man being your babe in arms).

Get yourself a big/little big girl toy like the rabbit and love THAT while all the mister nobodys pass right by because you have claws.

If I come off as a hard ass its because I have two girls 12 and 15 and have raised them on my own since leaving their father/my husband when they were 2 and 5. Things are great now with thier dad but it took 10 years for him to come around. But thats a bit off the subject.

Check your local colleges. I live near quite a few universitys and colleges that all have childcare centers. Do your research. Hugs

[Amanda7289]

Wow..thank you so much for the replies and the thought that went into all of them. I didn't expect so much help. Give me a while to digest your advice and I will write back after that. Awesome people here! Thanks again!