Confusing signals - Cold/distant vs. open and affectionate.

[wally123]

Hello dear members,

I have just registered because the problem with the man I am in love with is really driving me crazy and as he is a friend of my friends, I don't really have anyone to talk to about this. I really hope you can help me with this.

I (23) have been interested in this man (young man, 23) for some years now. He is socially awkward, doesn't go out very often, is very intelligent, extremely handsome, mentally unstable. We started to hang out a few months ago shortly before I moved away (I approached him).
A week before I moved, the guy propositioned me one night and told me that he really liked me and he wanted to sleep with me. I declared my feelings for him as well. While we were making out, he suddenly stopped and said that he didn't know what was wrong with him but that sex disgusts him and that we should stay friends, and that friendship was much purer than engaging in a sexual relationship. He works as a nurse and says he is really disgusted by bodily fluids etc. He hadn't had a sexual relationship with a woman in about 2 years, although there are a lot of women he could have had; I was the first "encounter" after his last girlfriend had left him.
So we stayed friends and we became very close, we talked on the phone almost every night (his idea, by the way) after I had moved and he was very sentimental and very affectionate. We are very much alike, we both want to pursue an artistic career and feel kind of "connected", sometimes as if we were the same.
When a family member of him died, I drove there to be there for him, and during my visit he took my hand, caressed my legs and such things. I confronted him about this and he said that we were just friends, that this behaviour was normal 'friend' behaviour to him - which is not true, as he doesn't treat any other girl the way he treats me.
The phone calls were very intimate, he wanted me to promise him that we would never stop talking and he was very self-conscious, I had to tell him quite often that I really like him and enjoy speaking to him. After a while, he began thinking about moving to where I live and considered moving in with me. He did this about 3 or 4 times, always changing his plans from week to week which drove me crazy. I could understand him, though, as he would give up everything to be here and have to start from scratch.
But he also got more and more distant - one day he would think about moving in with me, the next week he would be cold and distant. Before Christmas, he told me how happy he was I would be visiting my hometown and that he wanted to spend a lot of time with me during my stay. When I was there, he rejected me, was really impersonal and didn't seem to want to see me. He told me he didn't have time any more for our long "unproductive" phone conversations etc. I stopped calling him, but he started to call me again. He said he had decided to move to my city for good and leave his old life behind and that this had made him so nervous and cold. All was well. But these plans have changed again. Now he doesn't wanna move here and he has stopped contacting me altogether. The last time he contacted me was almost 2 weeks ago.
I don't know what to do. I was so patient with him because I knew he had a lot of issues, I didn't wanna pressure him, I just wanted to make him happy, or happier that is. I wonder if I can lose any more self-respect by still approaching him.
Does he even like me? Is he even worth it? I often think he doesn't respect me at all, at other times I recognise that he has feelings for me that are very special and worth nurturing. I'm just confused.
So sorry for this very long post, I had to write it off my chest, even just typing it all out helps a lot.

Thank you for reading this.
Wally123

[hotspurfan]

this might sound like an odd ?...but have you ever seen him naked.

[wally123]

Partially, yes. But it was dark. There was a point during that infamous night where we both were naked.

[xxazurexx]

this might sound like an odd ?...but have you ever seen him naked.

Bet you look a bonny sight naked...mouldy dick with loads of scabs and all that....haha YUCKERS

[hotspurfan]

so can you say that everything down stairs is working right. nothing abnormally small. men can be very selfconscious...even more than women.

[hotspurfan]

yup...i sure do. wow someone either broke your heart...or you're really fat, or a guy

[wally123]

Smallish, but as if I cared.

[xxazurexx]

yup...i sure do. wow someone either broke your heart...or you're really fat, or a guy

No, just cant stand cheating bastards like you!

[hotspurfan]

you might not, but he does....as do all men. the male pschyci is very fragile. he cares about you...really cares. he just want's to be perfect for you and thats stoping him. he needs therapy.

or worst case senario...he's gay

[hotspurfan]

ah yes...understandable. but what would you say to the girl

[wally123]

Hm, maybe I should have told him that I like the way he looks.
To be honest: I've also thought about the possibility of him being gay. But I don't know, he wouldn't know as well.

[xxazurexx]

If you are ever having to second guess a guy, he isn't that serious about you.

Why he won't get 'physical', who knows. Personally I'd have put it down to him being gay, or I'd take it that he has no sexual attraction to me.

I'd have been long gone.

[hotspurfan]

I'm here to tell you as a man. That I with all my issues would have done the deed. You seem like an intelligent girl,probably very pretty. Maybe it's time for you to grab the back of his neck and tell him to **** the shit out of you. If that doesn't work than he's gay. Move on and come visit me in England.

P.S. that last line was just to make "xxazuerxx" mad. think she likes me

[wally123]

@xxazurexx: I would agree with you if it hadn't been him approaching me all the time.Thus, a basic attraction must exist - I doubt that a handsome guy like him would hit on a girl just for laughs or something.
And he seemed really sincere. Also, I could have been long gone, but I am in love with him, so I at least have to try, haven't I?
@ hotspurfan: Will be some months until I see him again if ever in the next years, so... I also did 'something like this', I stroked his hair once as he always did with me. It confused him, haha.

[xxazurexx]

P.S. that last line was just to make "xxazuerxx" mad. think she likes me

Dream on!

One thing I don't do is 'sloppy seconds'....pmsl