Why he suddenly back away?

[leoline]

Hi. I'm 19 years old and in college. I'm dating a guy right now. We have gone on two dates. He was asking me out for more than three times before I agreed to go on the first date. When he asked for those two dates, he seemed very interested. He went out of his way to please me and was very nice. The first was a little awkward as I'm not used to the dating scene and quite shy.

The second time, we become quite intimate as we did some cuddling and kissing (he initiated those). It kinda felt good but the truth is I've never cuddled with and kissed that passionately with any guy before. So, I kinda freaked out. On the way home we had the define-the-relationship talk. I asked him, what are we? Are we friends or more than that? I told him if we are to stay just friends, we will never do the cuddling and stuff again. He was startled and everything. At this point, I kinda thought I've just ruined the good time we had.

Btw, he text-ed right after that to say that he really likes me and that's the reason why we became intimate. He says we need more time so that we can be sure if anything other than friendship is possible. And then a week passed and he still hadn't contact me and I text-ed him yesterday. He seemed distance. Today I asked him out and he said yes. But then I changed my mind and said maybe next time and he didn't reply with anything (which make me think he's not interested anymore)

What do you think? Has he lost interest in me and just being polite answering my text? Or is he playing hard to get (like to get back at me for doing it first) or is he just freaked out by me asking him about our relationship status. Was I the one who ruined it? Is he worth pursuing? And WHAT SHOULD I DO???

On the last note, IN MY WHOLE ENTIRE LIFE, I'VE NEVER ASKED A GUY OUT, HE WAS THE FIRST. It has always been the guy who has to ask me out. So, he is kinda a challenge.

[KingZ]

On the way home we had the define-the-relationship talk. I asked him, what are we? Are we friends or more than that? I told him if we are to stay just friends, we will never do the cuddling and stuff again. He was startled and everything. At this point, I kinda thought I've just ruined the good time we had.

Let a man's actions speak louder than his words, because they seldom lie.

This psycho-aggressive, control freak behavior of yours will only cost you opportunities.

[xxazurexx]

Easy..

Knows he was gonna have to work and to get sex and he doesn't think you are worth the work...so he's gone.

[Heartache]

Whatever you are guessing will not help... Ask him directly what going on. What I feel that maybe someone came into his life and he is indecisive and afraid to commit now especially if he feel that you are looking for a serious relationship.

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[HeartIsAching]

<snip>So, I kinda freaked out. On the way home we had the define-the-relationship talk. I asked him, what are we? Are we friends or more than that? I told him if we are to stay just friends, we will never do the cuddling and stuff again. He was startled and everything. At this point, I kinda thought I've just ruined the good time we had.

<snip> And then a week passed and he still hadn't contact me and I text-ed him yesterday. He seemed distance. Today I asked him out and he said yes.But then I changed my mind and said maybe next time and he didn't reply with anything <snip>

Ok, first off... you pushed for a relationship change after two dates. You used threats and coercion to try to get your way.

Then you asked him out merely to tell him "nah, not really", which makes it look as if you did it just to hurt him.

Of course he's not interested in you. You play games and use abusive means to get your way.

[smackie9]

Easy..

Knows he was gonna have to work and to get sex and he doesn't think you are worth the work...so he's gone.

I totally agree with this. Drilling a guy on the second date on "where is this going" is a big fat no no. It says to him "I'm insecure and unstable", so ya he freaked and backed off. You should never have to "question" anything. You let his actions speak to you....that's why after you dropped the bomb he was so taken back because he was showing you he liked you, but you had to ask. Not kool. Dating is getting to know someone, see if you like each other and if there is possibly any potential for a serious relationship...but this goes in steps and takes time. You have to go with the flow let things naturally take it's course .

[vertical_sky]

I'm willing to cut you some slack because you're young. In college, dating can oftentimes be the opposite of what it is once you graduate and are out in the real world.... In college, two people make out, and suddenly they're exclusive, and THEN they go on dates and see if they like each other. Past graduation, I'm observing it's more the opposite; people go on many dates and are much more cautious about being exclusive. I've been seeing a guy for two months, and we're still "casual"... which, actually, can be a big benefit, because I'm getting to know him and seeing if we're compatible without the pressure of a serious relationship.

I understand the anxiety that comes with physical intimacy, feeling you immediately need to define the relationship. From my viewpoint, you were both being a bit immature... Him by pushing for physical stuff so early (some kissing is fine, but no going further unless the girl initiates and makes it clear she is all right with any continued physical intimacy) and you by pushing for a "what are we." Both of you tried to passive-aggressively get what you wanted without discussing the situation first.

But where I'm gonna be a little hard on you, hun, is you asking him out and then canceling. That is NOT cool behavior. It seemed like you asked him out just to confirm he still wanted you, not because you were particularly interested in him.

So, use this as a lesson learned. If you don't think you can handle physical stuff without the "what are we" talk, then speak up and hold off until the relationship is ready for that discussion (NOT two dates.) Do NOT ask someone out and then break it up unless something really urgent comes up, and always reschedule. Be honest with yourself above all else.

[SelflessnHumble]

No offense but this entire story sounds all wrong to me.

Life is all about applied knowledge gained through experiences.
Some are great, others are good: and MOST of them are awful -but the knowledge contained is very dense in nutrition for your intuition...

You freaked out: mistake #1 -Guys don't like that. Making out is natural.
So, since you burdened him with "the talk" you basically killed it! You don't do that when nothing happened.
A kiss, a touch mean nothing for a guy when they don't even really know you (and vice versa) You also shouldn't
be making out with someone you really like -when you don't even know them!- This is a no no-

If he was interested then, I doubt it now.
You asked someone out, then they say yes, then YOU basically reject them, when you had asked first? OOOOh Kaaaayyy??

Chalk this up as a learning experience and get over the infatuation and meet someone else.
If you view things as a challenge-this is pretty superficial of you.
IN fact what does it matter who kisses who first? Or who asks someone out first? This isn't the 1900s anymore!

Until you get more experiences you won't know much of anything.
If I were you: I'd just go out, have fun, meet people you like, but don't give them everything.
if you do: you'll be back here in no time, except the next time the title will read, "What do I do? I just had sex with him and now he avoids me???"

[leoline]

Thanks for everyone comments and advice. You guys are good. So I really have messed up the whole thing with him. What should I do? I have never liked any guy this much. Maybe I should call him? I can't think of any other guys except him right now.