Need Some Advice regarding My Exgirlfriend- Please help

[Patrick P 23]

Hello,

Its almost been a year since she broke up with me and then moved on with another guy. I tried getting back with her but she could not leave that guy in lurch. However she still cried for breaking up with me. I cut off all contact with her since the last few months in order to stop hurting myself. But i still love her. Though i am strong enough now and i really want her as we dated almost for 3 years. Even now if i call her up, she gets nervous and angry and tries to know if i am dating someone or not as i ignored her calls and messages for months. But i really miss her and i always did. Just had to get away as everything was hurting me a lot. Please advice me what i can do to get her back. It would be of great help if i can get her back in my arms!


Thanks,
P

[Boisdevie]

She is past history. She is no longer your girlfriend. Try to stay out of touch with her and move on with your life. Chances are that once two people have broken up they won't get back together.

[mishful]

Chances are that once two people have broken up they won't get back together.

Agree. If you couldnt work it out the first time there's like zero chance you'll be able to work through the problems the second, third, or 20th time round. You're not meant to be together otherwise it wouldn't hurt so much. Cut your losses and move on. If she's meant to be your friend or in your life you'll cross paths again in the future. But you need to heal first.

[smackie9]

You broke up for a reason...the relationship ran it's course and expired. Relationships do come and go. Just because you have invested 3 years doesn't mean you have to hang on. As we mature and get older things about ourselves change......things like our feelings, about what we want, and what we need in our lives. This is a natural occurrence, and moving on to a new chapter in our live may mean ending a relationship because you both don't fit in your lives like you used to. Of course the changes do slow down...that's usually when you are ready to settle down, get married and start a family. You hurt because you miss the familiarity of having her in your life. It's like losing a loved one. You need to spend time to grieve so you can heal and move on. You really need to let go in order to make it better. Cut off all contact, don't look up her activity on FB or whatever, and don't ask around what she is up to. Totally walk away from this, it will be the only way for you to finally get some peace and help you to be happy about life once again.

[xxazurexx]

She has no right and to enquire as to whether you are dating or not and when she is herself with another man, etc and you are not obligated to tell her a thing. I wonder if her partner is aware that she still talks to an ex from over a year ago.

Sounds to me like she's stringing two men along and why choose one when she can have 'both'....lol

[Patrick P 23]

thank you guys. Its so that i stopped contact of all sorts. But i kept on missing her and she left me because of certain issues. And now i am compelled to call her or msg her as i miss her. But i dont. And since i have done so much for her and so has she, i really want to get back with her. And not like nothing is impossible in this world. Everything is possible. I hurt her many times and finally she gave up and today when i learnt from my mistakes, i rather have her back as she made me realize and change for my own good. I am happy as i got everything in my life now but her. Its so incomplete without her. I would just need something to ensure that atleast i tell her what i feel for her.

I am really happy that i am independent now and i do not depend on her emotionally but i do keep thinking about her always.
If i come across her, what should i do that i can influence her in some way. What will be the best thing to do? i agree that i should have given up but there is something i cannot give up on for a reason.

Guide me please.And thanks a lot for the advice

[xxazurexx]

So why don't you just type an email and put everything you want to say in that. Then you will get your answer.

You may want her back, but it takes 'two' to make a relationship and if she's not prepared to come back and make it work, then you have no option but to forget her and move on.

[smackie9]

It sounds to me she wants nothing more than to not go down that road ever again. Just because you have improved yourself and changed, what had happened before still resonates with her. You can reverse that, the damage has been done.

[SelflessnHumble]

You can't MAKE someone do something they don't want to.
She is a psycho jealous control freak that wants to ensure your status as single while she can be with whomever she wants.

She dumped you, and only partly wants you.
When a woman likes multiple people it means they could care less about you.
Ignoring people is what cowards do, dude.

Be a man: lay it all on the line and tell her how you feel.
It you have zero standards, morals nor ethics and just "want" her back despite she really doesn't love you: (because she is with someone else) go ahead.

Since you are out of touch with reality I'd invite you to become another person too.
Women like mystery and they will want something intriguing and "new."

[xxazurexx]

She dumped you, and only partly wants you.
When a woman likes multiple people it means they could care less about you.
Ignoring people is what cowards do, dude....

Sounds to me that she may have dumped him for very good reasons though - he admits to basically being a bastard to her.

She probably gave him many chances to change and he didn't....she felt she had no choice but to break things off and end it, despite the fact she may have still loved him. Which is why she took to calling him and is maybe finding it hard to totally move on from him and be pissed he may be with other girls.

That isn't an excuse for her behaviour, ...I've been in a kind of similar situation and can relate to what 'might' be going on with her. There was no one else involved in my situation though, as there is here...she's with another bloke.

In one post he says he calls her....in the next he says he wants to call, but doesn't??

How 'exactly' is this relationship standing at the minute OP? Do you have contact or not?

[SelflessnHumble]

And not like nothing is impossible in this world. Everything is possible. I hurt her many times and finally she gave up and today when i learnt from my mistakes, i rather have her back as she made me realize and change for my own good

WHY did you avoid putting that in your 1st post yet had no issue telling us how bad she was???
Apparently you haven't learned from your mistakes...So you didn't change for yourself, you changed because SHE made you realize your poor behavior
wasn't acceptable to HER? K.

If you hurt her: it obviously stands to reason WHY she dumped you! right?
You want someone back you only NOW realize you messed up? This is life.
If she isn't willing to get back with you: it's HER decision, not yours.

If you truly loved her as you only claimed: you would allow her decision to be respected
and allow her to move on without YOU.

Last, no, not everything is possible.
Everything is probable, not possible...This isn't about achieving
your goals/courses of study where all YOU have to do is learn it...

We are talking about another human being who makes their own decisions.

[Patrick P 23]

Yea i get it. I respected her decision to move on and thats why i let her go even when it hurt me the most. I did not force her in anything. I realized my mistakes very late. Even though i tried nothing worked, so i just thought of giving her the space which is mandatory. But now it seems more difficult but not impossible. It would be great to win her back! And i just gave you the gist of everything happening. Not in detail though.

Thank you people!

[Patrick P 23]

@xxazurexx

no contact. When she tried remaining in touch i always told her that i do not want to be in touch as friends as it just made things difficult for me and she kept on saying things to hurt me in order to push me away from her. And when i went away she tried messaging me to know about me and i ignored her for 3 4 months. But again i could not take it so i called her up 1 day just to make her lil angry to which she said she does not want to remain in touch as always i behaved the way i wanted to. But how do i explain that i did it because i was very upset and i had no choice as i was just shattered and it kept on hurting more and more. And also that i keep on thinking about her time and again. tried moving on, but did not help. However i am nto at all upset now. Just that she is missing from my life. And i need her back. And i do respect her decision of not wanting to be with me and date some one else. Never forced her for anything and never will. Did try at times in desperation but realized that it was selfish on my part and it would be selifish on her part too.

[xxazurexx]

You never forced her for anything and never will.....yet you don't respect her wishes that she may not want to talk to you anymore?

It's not just about 'you' and what 'you' want - it's about what she wants too.

I think it's unfair of you and to go waltzing in and out of her life and as it suits you. You should also respect the fact that she now has a boyfriend.....you'd be wise to just leave her alone and let her get on with it and find someone else.

Like I suggested above, sending an email might be a good idea. You can explain everything in that, how you are feeling, that you miss her friendship, etc, etc.

[Patrick P 23]

All these months it was about her too. Thats why i went away. Finally i could not take it as i missed her a lot i tried to get back in touch for which i am aware i did wrong. Because of that fact i moved away as she had a bf. In order to let her be. But now I do not even intend to mess up things for her. Just that i miss her a lot and i feel that if i express my feelings to her, i would just screw up things more. Even though i liked the way you putting up things. And also, I am to messed up!

I hope a miracle happens soon!