Does she regret rejecting me?

[smallnshort247]

Hey all,

I'll try to keep this short but it will be hard. I'm a 20 year old black male. She is a 18 (going on 19 in feb) asian female. I've known her ever since about 7th grade and I'm also best friends with her brother. Around senior year in high school I started becoming interested in her. We both took the same bus and she would usually sit next to me on the way home. That summer we would talk on AIM from late night all the way to early morning. I really thought I had a chance w/ her. Before making any moves, I let her brother know in advance that I liked her (in a respectful way). Later I asked him if he thought it would be a good idea if I confess my feelings to her. He said no, but I felt like it was something I still needed to do. So around the last weeks of summer 2009, I tell her that I like her. Sadly, I did it through text..how I regret that so..

She basically said that she's sorry but she wants to stay friends. I of course agreed and assumed that we would drift and never talk again because of how weird it would probably feel. To fast forward a bit, I move on to college and she is in her senior year (2009-2010). I assume since I wouldn't see her on the bus anymore, our friendship was pretty much toast. Her brother and I also drifted because he started dating a girl that took away all his time. Oddly enough, Sarah and I kept talking through her senior year. We texted mostly but she still kept in touch. We hung out a few times with friends and went to the beach with friends as a summer trip. By this time we're both totally fine with each other. We pushed the whole summer disaster that happened a summer ago behind us.

Now to present time. She's in her first year of college. I was once again worried that our friendship would basically end since she would be in college and probably meet tons of guys who were her type. The exact opposite has happened. She has kept in touch with me very well, starting during this past winter break. She called me via skype to video chat at least 2-3 times. The chats were only a few minutes but it was as if she got on only to talk to me because I was on her mind and then got off. She has called me when she was bored at work which she never did before. And also, she still texts me a lot. Before she went back she said she wanted us to catch up, hang out at her house. play some board games and order a pizza and watch a movie (her brother would be there too). Last but not least, she just signed on Skype again video called me and literally said "I just wanted to say hi!" and then i waved and then she signed off.

To me, it seems that she may have a change of heart and might like me. I'm really bad at judging these things though, and the last thing I want to do is tell her that I like her again, and have her say that she once again still doesn't like me in that way. Her brother also told me that their parents are really strict with dating outside their race (chinese). I don't recall her ever having a boyfriend. I know their parents since I'm usually over their house a decent amount, but he said it took them awhile to start calling me "John" and not "black kid" lol. Do you think that could have anything to do with it?

[ammi00]

If I were you, I would wait a bit more to see how this situation will evolve, because her behaviour is a bit ambiguous. On one side, she might be interested in you, and because she's now in college maybe she thinks she has more freedom and she's not worried about what her parents might believe (if this was ever an obstacle for her). On the other side, maybe you're just a "plan B" for her, or she's just trying to be friendly. She told you before you should better remain friends - and if she still believes that - I imagine it'd be really weird for both of you to go through the same thing again. Wait a bit more, eventually try to make a move, but don't put all your hope in this. Be prepared to move on.

[twinrexes]

I think you should avoid any mention of "liking" her. If it backfires a second time, she'll be gone for good.

I think she's been sheltered by her parents and now that she's at college she may be feeling a little overwhelmed. You are an old familiar friend who might just represent security and reassurance. Maybe she just feels "safe" with you. So don't make any moves that would scare her off. Just play it cool and meanwhile try dating other women. You might meet one who's seriously into you. At the very least, if she knows you've got women who are interested in you, she may start to see you in a whole new light.

[smallnshort247]

If all else fails, do you think she would eventually tell me or give me a somewhat obvious sign? Before she started talking to me so much recently, I'd say that I thought I moved on a good amount. If anything, this whole thing just has me asking myself.. "what if".

[ammi00]

Most probably, if everything fails, she will stop talking to you (she'll feel uncomfortable knowing that you weren't able to move on).