How do I make it seem like I have options? (Called clingy)

[dablimp]

I have been dating this girl for almost a year and a half now and typically have texted her every day and either said good night or tried to continue the conversation before having her cut me off eventually. I realized that when she said I was sort of "clingy" that I needed to be more of a mystery to her. Every now and then I won't text her for a day or so (she's not the forceful one. I always have to initiate everything) and won't until she sends me something.

Well, this will be the 3rd day that I have not text/called her and I have not received anything yet as well. What should I do? The problem is that I live in an area where I have no friends and she knows that too. Do I pretend like I went to the local sportsbar and make it seem like she's not the one I'm always thinking about like she may think. I love the girl but I don't want to be in a situation where I'm considered clingy without any options.

What should I do?

[MerryH]

You've been together a year and a half and she's only now finding you clingy? That's a bit strange.

I'm going to go out on a limb and say that it's not the texts/phonecalls that make you clingy, it's more your behavior when you're with her. A combination of the two, most likely.

Perhaps it has a lot to do with you having no friends in the area, so she's all you've got and you're hounding her incessantly because you're bored or whatever. Make some friends. Then you won't be so reliant on her for the entirety of your social interaction.

[dablimp]

thanks Merry.

We live about 2000 miles apart and we met at my brother's wedding when he got married to her sister. So there's alot there, but she's not the most experienced in relationships and neither am I. I see her about once every two months on average and we are together everything is fine and dandy. Its just sometimes when not together, when she gets in these little pissy moods. For example, one time I sent her 2 text messages in a row (that's a rule we set early on. Do mass texting). The first one was a question that I needed answered and then 6 hours later I sent another one to the effect of "can't you just take 5 seconds to respond?" Looking back on it, it probably wasn't the smartest but she snapped back a few hours later with "why are you so clingy?!" I hate that word so then I got a little pissed and it wasn't the best day for both of us, but in the back of my mind she still thinks that I bet.

A few hours after I posted this, she sent me a long FB message detailing the last few days for her (We've never gone 3 days without texting/calling so she probably thinks I'm mad with her) and then she goes on to text me saying if I got her pm on facebook and then said good night which she rarely does without me saying it first.

How should I handle this? I'm going to respond to her email like I'm not upset which I'm not but I am a little annoyed (won't say it) that I have to usually initiate everything.

[ames]

u went three days with no contact yet your in a relationship? Sounds suss to me..if i were you, i'd reply to the email..but not straight away...reply to it tomorrow...and dont lie and tell her that you went out to the pub...GO OUT AND MEET FRIENDS!

[ames]

and whats with the emails??? Why isn't she calling you? Weird...maybe she's getting over it?

[MerryH]

How should I handle this?

Talk to her about it. Try opening with something like, "I'm trying not to be so clingy, but I'm not used to only contacting each other ever few days. Maybe you can be more specific about how you want me to go about being less clingy, because it's really hard for me to not contact you for days, and I feel like I should be able to talk to my girlfriend pretty much daily. I like corresponding at least a little bit with you every day because I love you and you brighten my day. I don't think a few texts here and there are too much to ask. I'm having trouble with this. Can we come to a compromise?"

You might also sort of reaffirm that she still wants to be with you, because it's not really a good sign that she's pulling away from you. But maybe you really are being too clingy. Either way, find out what she expects of you.