What Age Do You "Give Up"?

[vertical_sky]

I'm a woman, 25 years old and turning 26 in June. I've been single for about 6 months (not counting a guy I am currently casual with, for anyone who has looked at previous posts.)

I browse a lot of websites that post articles about women's issues, and I am constantly running into the theme that as women's professional success has gone up, their romantic success has gone down. People post comments about how women wait too long to get married, or waste too much time on a guy who is wishy-washy on having kids, and BOOM, her fertility is gone and she never gets to have a family. Or, she chooses to have a child on her own, and then must grapple with single parenthood. Or end up alone.

As I'm getting up into my late twenties, these stories have really started to scare me. I've never been engaged, and by most of these articles' time lines, I have right around ten years of marriageability and fertility left... once I'm over forty, guys won't date me except for superficial sex because they'll want younger women with whom they can have families.

I also look at my single life... trying to meet people online, watching everyone around me pair off while I'm alone... and feel very depressed that these next ten years might be spent in a futile search for something that is never going to happen (marriage and a family.)

So my question is, at what age do you give up? At what age do you just sit down and accept you're not going to get to have those things, and just need to make the best of it? Whenever I tell someone I'm trying to just accept a life of spinsterhood, they tell me I'm too young to be thinking about that "yet"... at what age is it appropriate? 30? 35? At what age do you give up on marriage and children?

[vashti]

once I'm over forty, guys won't date me except for superficial sex because they'll want younger women with whom they can have families.

I'm trying to just accept a life of spinsterhood, they tell me I'm too young to be thinking about that "yet"... at what age is it appropriate? 30? 35? At what age do you give up on marriage and children?

Spinsterhood? Jeezus. That term is outdated, and you sound desperate. 25 is still too young to be thinking it's all over. Women have babies in their 40s now, didn't you hear?

And BTW - it is true that a certain proportion of men are looking at young girls to bear their babies, but men also get to the point where they don't want any more kids. Do you think they have an unlimited supply of money?

[MerryH]

So my question is, at what age do you give up? At what age do you just sit down and accept you're not going to get to have those things, and just need to make the best of it?

Never, dummy. I mean, if what you want is a partner and a family, then you're never too old for that. Even if you're all dried up below the belt, there's always options.

I almost always enjoy reading your posts (you're smart and stuff), but some of your OP made me cringe. Like this:

once I'm over forty, guys won't date me except for superficial sex because they'll want younger women with whom they can have families.

And you're still in your twenties! Come on, you're way too young to be thinking about spinsterhood.*



*Not that there's anything wrong with that.

[hello1]

You are only 25! I understand if you were 30 but come on.

[xxazurexx]

once I'm over forty, guys won't date me except for superficial sex because they'll want younger women with whom they can have families.

Why is it perceived that 'all' men want babies?? Not all men want them and lots of men already have kids and want no more.

You are only 25.....I'd understand if you were 50!!!

[xxazurexx]

You are only 25! I understand if you were 30 but come on.

Why 30??

I'm in my 30's and would be still able to meet a guy and have a child, lol So would millions of other women in their 30's.

And it's highly likely that a lot could say the same when in the 40's too.

[magnolia6548]

Hey, I'm 25 as well and personally I wouldn't consider giving up yet. Most all of my friends (as well as my little sister) are getting married and having kids, but I do my best to not let it get to me....I'll meet the right person at the right time and if not then I can take care of myself and be happy with me. I see plenty of guys out there in their 30's who still want kids and a wife and are a great catch. There is nothing wrong with living your life while you are young and settling down once you get a little older and settled in/stable. If you really want to have kids (even if it means on your own) then it may be something to consider around 35 or so but until then I'd not worry too much about it. If you let that get to you then it only makes you look like you are willing to take anything/anyone and are just rushing to the alter. I personally don't know if I'd bother with something casual bc for some guys that takes you off the market and if there is no long term potential with him at this age you don't want to waste your time on a dead end road.

[xxazurexx]

Hey, I'm 25 as well and personally I wouldn't consider giving up yet. Most all of my friends (as well as my little sister) are getting married and having kids, but I do my best to not let it get to me....I'll meet the right person at the right time and if not then I can take care of myself and be happy with me. I see plenty of guys out there in their 30's who still want kids and a wife and are a great catch. There is nothing wrong with living your life while you are young and settling down once you get a little older and settled in/stable. If you really want to have kids (even if it means on your own) then it may be something to consider around 35 or so but until then I'd not worry too much about it. If you let that get to you then it only makes you look like you are willing to take anything/anyone and are just rushing to the alter. I personally don't know if I'd bother with something casual bc for some guys that takes you off the market and if there is no long term potential with him at this age you don't want to waste your time on a dead end road.

Nice, healthy attitude to have

[hello1]

Why 30??

I'm in my 30's and would be still able to meet a guy and have a child, lol So would millions of other women in their 30's.

And it's highly likely that a lot could say the same when in the 40's too.

Okay that is true! I am 21 so 30 seems ages away yet but yeah 30 still young.

[xxazurexx]

Okay that is true! I am 21 so 30 seems ages away yet but yeah 30 still young.

Trust me, it aint that far away - the years fly over once you reach 21....lols

[SimplySam]

I have a friend who at 36 finally met the guy of her dreams. He's 40. Even though it seems late for them from our perspective, they are as happy as teenagers. The history and age does not matter. Everyone has a destiny and you'll meet your man eventually. Age really doesn't matter, it's not worth stressing over. new mom's in their 40's are very common and there is nothing wrong with that at all.

[smackie9]

Not everyone wants to get married and have babies....I never did and it was by choice. It's been my experience that the less you wish for it the more it happens. been proposed to 3 times and two of them wanted kids.....I ran for the hills lol.

[Take2]

My ex's grandmother got married again at 81. If she could find a guy and fall in love and "settle down," that's a pretty clear indication to me that there is no longer any reason to give up on finding romantic love. I know a happily married couple where they met at 26 and 28. I know another where they met on a dating site at 30 and 31. When I entered the dating scene just before my 35th birthday, I found that there are LOTS of guys looking in my age range! I could have had a different date every night of the week, and that was with my criteria of guys my age or within 5 years, looking for serious relationships, living in my area, cute, educated and with a professional career.

[Kaius]

25 is waaaaaay too young to have these thoughts. Why would you feel so discouraged? People find love at any age, and it's usually when you least expect it.
My fiancee is 39 (a sex goddess). I am 36. We plan to get married this year, and if our life situation allows, we want to have a baby (we each have 2 kids from previous marriage).
Let me tell you, no one should ever give up. Just go with the flow (as you probably have heard this a zillion times). Use your time wisely while single. Keep
yourself healthy by eating right and exercising. Keep your mind stimulated by reading and learning. Keep your soul happy by doing stuff YOU want to do.
When the time is right, you'll find your man. Don't torture yourself with negativity.

[ames]

im 24 years old...were too young to start thinking like this! JUST HAVE FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUN...do what im doing-travel! Meet new ppl, go out..get drunnnnk!