Distance relationship starting to get serious. Advice needed

[Kevz]

Hi my name is Kevz. I am relatively new to forums and I am looking for some relationship advice.
Short Background story: I met my current girlfriend about 4 months ago, about 2 months ago she had to leave the country for an internship in her home country. She was a foreign exchange student at my University. About one month ago after talking on the phone every night for a month I finally decided to tell her my feelings for her. My first reaction was not to since when we said our goodbyes it was already sad enough. I told her I never really got over her and told her that I wanted to try a distance relationship; something she suggested earlier and I dismissed as hopeless. We have been dating for almost a month now talking by phone and skype.

The problem: A few days ago our relationship got even more complicated. After our usual night phone call telling each other about our days she wanted to talk about our relationship. At first she said I need to talk to you about our relationship. She started to blame herself for not being able to answer some of my phone calls and felt like she was being an inadequate girlfriend. (She is a medical student in her home country) I told her it wasn't a problem and told her that it was something I accepted as part of our relationship and that I did not want her to feel even more pressured when she is currently swamped with studying for tests and 12+ hr work days. Afterwords she started talking about how our relationship hasn't felt much like a relationship, in which I agreed because of the distance and her time restraints it is hard for us to get to know each other. I then asked her was it just the distance and the time constraints or was it that she was losing feelings for me and wanted to break up with me. She said it was just the distance and time and that she loved me and wish I was there right now with her. The true nature of her phone call came apparent when she then said that if the relationship was to fall apart due to the uncontrollable circumstances (such as the distance and time constraints) would I still be her friend and call her every night since she said I was her best friend and was afraid of losing me. She said she worries about me getting frustrated with the situation and one day never calling her again. I promised I always would and asked her if she wanted to continue our relationship. She said yes but said we would have to take things slowly for obvious reasons, and perhaps stretch out the initial stages of our relationship until I come visit her this May.

I know I have known this girl for only a short time, but she is also my best friend, the girl I love, and the girl I want to be with. How can I try to make our relationship closer online? I am a undergraduate college student myself, but I would do anything to be with her. I have not told her about this yet since she has a big exam coming up next week but I am considering joining a local volunteer organization in her home city. There is no guarantee I would get the job but the qualifications the website lists I have prior experience and good references. I cannot relocate due to school, but I could do the next best thing and become a volunteer helping poor children in the city where I could further learn her language, get a new perspective on life, and be able to spend my evenings and weekends with the girl I love. Any advice welcome!

[MerryH]

It was a bad idea to start a relationship when you're not even living in the same country. Maybe you should dial it back to "not-boyfriend/girlfriend" until you can physically be together. Still talk to her and all, maybe a little less, but there's really no reason to apply labels to each other that pressure you into behaving a certain way.

It is also probably a bad idea to move to another city just to be with your girlfriend of one month, but go for it, I guess. Just don't be surprised if it doesn't work out the way you want it to, and have a backup plan to come home if it all goes to shit.

[Boisdevie]

I know I have known this girl for only a short time, but she is also my best friend, the girl I love, and the girl I want to be with. How can I try to make our relationship closer online?

Get a grip. You barely know this woman but this is the girl you love? Been watching too many romantic films?

[romeo4]

what i suggest is that you keep calling each other as you are doing .....but take it slowly. i know what are you going through because i had similar experience. just take it easy, keep communicating with her at all time until you meet her again and decide what are you going to do about it. but honestly there must be some physical interaction to keep it going!!......so make your way to her when you can ...possibly during holidays. good luck !!

[qwahchees]

I don't really like this forum because of the advice. Follow what your heart wants, your still pretty young, you can back track a bit, and just continue life from there. I know exactly how you feel, i'm younger, and foolish for love. Theres this girl that lives in NYC, while i live in Toronto, Canada. Not too far, but I'm determined to be with her, and you are too. Just don't go too deep and not be able to climb back up.

[Kevz]

There are no guarantees in life, and both of us know that the chances for our relationships success are low, but that doesn't mean I am not willing to give it a shot. I feel like my life has been standing still the last few years and it is about time I take some chances, just life live and see what happens. Worst comes to worst I get a good vacation out of my visit and a new perspective of what the world outside of the country is like. I am applying for a humanitarian assistance job in her home town to further pick up her country's main language and get a chance to help those who are not as fortunate as many of us are.

In responds to not knowing this girl a lot, sure I will give you that. But I also believe that sometimes you have to follow your heart and hope in the end everything is alright. Its bad enough for one to have their heart broken, but it is far worse to live with regrets your entire life wondering what the outcome would have been if you only put in the extra effort. I can accept the fact that if I go out there and things do not go as planned I can still come back here and move on, but I cannot idly stand by and watch the most amazing girl I have ever met leave my life forever and never knowing what would have happened if only I gave it my all to be with her once again.

[pisceanme]

My advice for you is to forget about her and focus on some other thing like developing a talent or get your self devoted in some activities that will make you get her off your mind o.k.Such is life...she wasn't real from the onset.....look up this site for help about your relationship lovemattaz(dot)blogspot(dot)com..

[Kevz]

Thank you for your advice Pisceanme, but I know what real love is and this is it. My one month anniversery is coming up and my big surprise for her is that we are going to finally be able to be together. If you are also lucky enough to meet someone you can imagine spending the rest of your life with you will understand my feelings. Sure, its crazy but then again I have been told too many times in my life that I am persuing hopeless goals; aiming too high in life. Without hope what is the point in living? Time and time again I prove my crictics wrong as I plan to do once again.

[Boisdevie]

My one month anniversery is coming up and my big surprise for her is that we are going to finally be able to be together. If you are also lucky enough to meet someone you can imagine spending the rest of your life with you will understand my feelings. Sure, its crazy .

One month is not very long but you can imagine spending your life with her. No, it's not crazy it's completely ****ing bonkers crazy. How old are you? Obviously not enough to get a decent grip on reality.

[xxazurexx]

I don't really like this forum because of the advice.

Is anyone forcing you to stay?

No.

Cya then ...au revoir!

but I know what real love is and this is it....

Aye ok.....come back in five years and let us know how you got on.

My one month anniversery is coming up....

Ahhhh, still stuck in the 'honeymoon phase' then ....

Kids! Think they know it all...lols

[Kevz]

You sometimes have to live like the world is going to end tomorrow.

[Boisdevie]

You sometimes have to live like the world is going to end tomorrow.

You also have to live with a sense of reality