my break up

[biancabee]

hey, new to forum here.

my ex and i have been going out for 7 months, in the beginning he was really nice, sweet, i felt like the happiest girl. then i got pregnant, and a miscarriage followed afterwards. to be honest i wasnt ready for a child, i'm a uni student, with a lifeterm illness and just a lot of other responsibilities in life, i have a lot of problems in life and i'm just about coping, im 18 btw. since the miscarriage, he always accused me of taking an abortion, verbal abuse etc. he cheated on me - brought another girl home at 3am while i was in the hospital, did God knows what. i spoke to him again and again i did not have an abortion and that i did not want a baby right now. so he would try every chance to get me pregnant, trying to rape me, takes off condom etc. now, hes a guy who lives in a estate on his own, his house is so run down words cant describe, he has no job, nothing. I want a future, thats why im at university, i worked hard to get here and i dont want to lose it all now, i dont come from a rich background, and i have to be on meds for the rest of my life, i cant have a baby right now, for what to live on benefits? no way.

so for the last few months i cant the amount of times he tried to have sex without a condom, slyly trying to get me pregnant. we've just been argueing all the time, then last week, he beats me up (punches, slaps you name it), because i told him i dont want to be pregnant and if he cant respect that (or at least go get a job) then im out, after beating me up i was crying and he told me to shut the f* up and get out of his house. so your thinking hello? get the hell out of this * * * * * * * ! this guy physically, verbally and mentally abuse you, cheated on you, forcing you to have a baby and just being right damn selfish. and i really should leave him, but i always think back on the good times that we shared when we first got together, his like a total different person, and my heart is so broken i keep crying. and since i live alone with not much friends and family around, getting over him is harder. i dont know what to do, its like im running around in circles i want to get out but i cant seem to break through this barrier, and i feel so angry! help!

p.s. he lies a lot, and yes i still love him, and i guess he don't, but i cant just wake up one day and decide yes im gonna stop loving him today, its not that easy.

[MerryH]

i cant just wake up one day and decide yes im gonna stop loving him today, its not that easy.

No, you wake up one day and decide you're going to leave him today. Love isn't enough to stay in a relationship with someone as terrible as he is. And seriously, he's terrible. You know this. The things he's done to you are the WORST things a man can do to a woman:

- Cheating? Check.
- Hitting you? Check.
- Rape? Holy shit, check.

And those are the basic, widely accepted indicators that you need to get away from this person. You also have:

- Blaming you for a tragic event you experienced which was out of your control.
- Trying to impregnate you against your will.
- Being a controlling dick in general.

And that last one is what it's about. He's controlling. He does all those things to break you down so you feel there's no way out or that you don't even deserve to get out. He wants you pregnant so you won't ever leave him, and even if you do, he'll have a way into your life for the next 18 years at least (in his mind.)

i really should leave him, but i always think back on the good times that we shared when we first got together, his like a total different person

Let me tell you something. Listen closely. He is not a different person now. He is the exact same person he was when you first got together. He was just hiding his true nature, because absolutely no one would put up with the way he is if he were to let it show right away. He's a manipulator, a con artist. Con artists have game, and part of that game is to earn their victim's trust before royally screwing them over. He's scum, and he always has been. You may not believe this right now, but I promise you it's the truth.

You got conned. It's okay, it happens. But put an end to it. Like right this second.

Your university probably has resources available for you about this exact thing. You should look into it.