What would be your reaction to this letter?

[MatchesMalone]

I am thinking of hand-writing this letter and giving it to an ex whom I never really got closure from. If you received this, what would be your reaction?


I write this note now because it took me this long to find the right words... This is something I need to tell you for my own personal sanity, so I ask you to please read it all. For starters, I wanted to tell you that you were right. We did need to break up. While I adored you and savored our time together, we were in a mutually toxic relationship. I was depressed to some extent, and you were suffering too. I've also needed this time to do some major maturing. I don't know if I'm yet what you'd call “a gentleman” but I'm positive I'm now much closer to one than I was back then.

Having said that, this is not me begging for you to come back. I know you've got a new guy, and if you really missed me you'd have probably contacted me by now. That's okay, and I honestly hope that he appreciates you as much as he should. I hope he recognizes what a beautiful and loving girlfriend he has, and that you have found happiness with him.

Now for the heart of this message. I wanted to thank you. I know I've thanked you before, but I don't know if you understood. The truth is, you've helped me mature more than anyone else. I remember we had a joke that I took your “love virginity”. In reality, you took mine too. Sure, I had said those words to someone before, but it wasn't until you that I understood what love really is. The experiences I've gained from being with you are irreplaceable. Both the good and the bad. The fun and the miserable. It was all extremely important.

The truth is, you actually understood emotions better than I did. You were able to think logically without them. And while you didn't explicitly tell me with words how you felt, in retrospect, you really did tell me all along what I needed to do. All the times you were telling me about how you wanted a “gentleman”, all the hints and whatnot... I should have taken them seriously. In my arrogance I thought that we would remain together for longer. It took our breakup for me to realize that nothing can be taken for granted... especially not other people.

I tried to apologize before, but I want to do it for real here. I shouldn't have been critical of stupid things. I should have given your music a better chance, checked out the anime/movies you wanted to watch with me, and tried out new things like going to that hockey game. I also shouldn't have pressed my sexual tastes onto you so much. Telling you and in a way pressuring my sexual fetish was stupid. You are absolutely beautiful and sexy, and turned me on without needing any of that. And most importantly, I shouldn't have argued with you over such stupid stuff.

As for us now... I honestly believe that if there is fate or destiny, our paths will cross again in some way. Maybe tomorrow we'll decide we can be friends. Or perhaps years from now we'll meet again. I don't know when, but at some time we'll be reunited. There is a connection between us. I'm not saying that we are “soulmates” or something silly like that, but I honestly believe that our time together was meant to happen, meant to end, and in some form or another, meant to begin again.

You deserved better than what I was. I realize now that spending money on dates and food doesn't matter if my actions make you miserable. I only wish that I could show you how much you helped me mature; but I know in my heart that someday I will be able to.

When I said I will always love you, I meant it. Even if I'm with someone else, you will always have a special place in my heart. You were my first true love, and no one can replace that, and honestly dear, I'm glad that it was you.

Until we meet again

[MynameisJesus]

I believe that deep down inside you want her back. That is the true heart of this message I think, not that you want to thank her.
I do not believe you can be true friends with her either and a part of you will always love her

There is a connection between us. I'm not saying that we are “soulmates” or something silly like that, but I honestly believe that our time together was meant to happen, meant to end, and in some form or another, meant to begin again

I interpret this as " I am not over you. Let me get back into your life as a friend and hopefully we'll be lovers again "

[MatchesMalone]

Heh, well to be perfectly honest I wouldn't be opposed to being with her again. I kind of viewed the letter as accomplishing two things - 1: getting some form of closure by thanking and apologizing and 2: leaving the door open for future relations.

Can that work

[MynameisJesus]

Heh, well to be perfectly honest I wouldn't be opposed to being with her again. I kind of viewed the letter as accomplishing two things - 1: getting some form of closure by thanking and apologizing and 2: leaving the door open for future relations.

Can that work

You get closure by a clear yes or no and not by pretending to be her friend when you want a romantic relationship with her. It's lovers or nothing.
I am a guy by the way and this is just my opinion. Maybe others disagree with me but I don't think so.
I've tried this too and it keeps you chasing your dream.

By the way why did she break up with you? You are idolizing her as if she is a godess and you are just an inferior guy from earth.
Apologizing and overloading her with compliments while she's the one that broke up.

[sadie_genie]

If this is for a girl who you treated badly then this is written very well. The compliments can actually redeem some asshole behaviors. You have the push and pull quality in this letter that may work wonders. What I get from this letter is that you admit she is beautiful and you had a very good time with her but you accept the decision to break up. And second, you are dating another girl but you are opening the door for the future. The push and pull is good.

[xxazurexx]

If I received a letter like this, I'd see it as an attempt to try and win me back. You are trying to pluck at her heartstrings, trying to jog her memory of good times you shared, with a little bit of ass licking thrown in there IMO.

I think that is the 'real' motive behind closure letters....a last ditch effort to get them back.

If you were truly over her, you wouldn't care to write a letter.

You'd be able to accept' it was over and move on.

[MynameisJesus]

If this is for a girl who you treated badly then this is written very well. The compliments can actually redeem some asshole behaviors. You have the push and pull quality in this letter that may work wonders. What I get from this letter is that you admit she is beautiful and you had a very good time with her but you accept the decision to break up. And second, you are dating another girl but you are opening the door for the future. The push and pull is good.

I have no idea what this letter has to do with push & pull. All I see is desperate pulling

[SelflessnHumble]

While I get the message and appreciate the time and effort that went into this heart-felt letter:
this entire letter needs a rewrite. My observations are below:

I write this note now because it took me this long to find the right words... This is something I need to tell you for my own personal sanity, so I ask you to please read it all. For starters, I wanted to tell you that you were right. We did need to break up. While I adored you and savored our time together, we were in a mutually toxic relationship. I was depressed to some extent, and you were suffering too. I've also needed this time to do some major maturing. I don't know if I'm yet what you'd call “a gentleman” but I'm positive I'm now much closer to one than I was back then.

Leave out any connotation of how much you adored her, loved her and/or cared about her.
This note isn't about YOU, nor how good you once treated her...It's about closure. Don't label yourself as depressed
and don't infer she was suffering too: Do not be specific. Because this isn't the issue here. It was then. Mentioning them
can imply they are still issues now. She doesn't care whether or not you are a gentleman NOW, she does not want to hear
how better you are...

Having said that, this is not me begging for you to come back. I know you've got a new guy, and if you really missed me you'd have probably contacted me by now. That's okay, and I honestly hope that he appreciates you as much as he should. I hope he recognizes what a beautiful and loving girlfriend he has, and that you have found happiness with him.

See, if you didn't elude to exact details: you wouldn't have had to put that disclaimer (first sentence above)
She doesn't want to hear about how if she really missed you: she'd have contacted you. Missing someone is different
than not being able to be with them due to their issues, not hers. You also don't know how she truly feels inside. Don't assume. Telling her that you hope he appreciates her as she deserves to be is nice thing to say. Do NOT give her
compliments such as "Beautiful and loving" instead just say you realize she deserves to be happy.

Now for the heart of this message. I wanted to thank you. I know I've thanked you before, but I don't know if you understood. The truth is, you've helped me mature more than anyone else. I remember we had a joke that I took your “love virginity”. In reality, you took mine too. Sure, I had said those words to someone before, but it wasn't until you that I understood what love really is. The experiences I've gained from being with you are irreplaceable. Both the good and the bad. The fun and the miserable. It was all extremely important.

This is a horrible mistake. If you want to thank her: then be thankful of the time you were given with her.
Then I would say, "I'd like you to know I now realize how taking responsibility for my actions has helped me to
discover where I went wrong and why. Through my mistakes I now see what I should have then and I'd like to take
this time to humbly and truly apologize for using my own personal selfishness and deflections to put the blame on you
so that I could avoid accountability. I never truly appreciated you but now I can say I really appreciate what you gave, how you gave it and all of your efforts my actions seemed to invalidate...I was a coward for doing so and I humbly ask for your forgiveness. I never intended to hurt you. Then reiterate that her happiness is all you've ever wanted and that you realize
now that your differences and inevitable break up just means you two aren't meant for one another. Then tell her
you can accept that.

The truth is, you actually understood emotions better than I did. You were able to think logically without them. And while you didn't explicitly tell me with words how you felt, in retrospect, you really did tell me all along what I needed to do. All the times you were telling me about how you wanted a “gentleman”, all the hints and whatnot... I should have taken them seriously. In my arrogance I thought that we would remain together for longer. It took our breakup for me to realize that nothing can be taken for granted... especially not other people.

I would shorten this too:
It took our breakup for me to realize that *I* took you for granted and that I never took your
wants and needs seriously enough for me to consider them enough to change my behavior to that of a gentleman.
*I* should have addressed your concerns and I'm sorry for invalidating them.

I tried to apologize before, but I want to do it for real here. I shouldn't have been critical of stupid things. I should have given your music a better chance, checked out the anime/movies you wanted to watch with me, and tried out new things like going to that hockey game. I also shouldn't have pressed my sexual tastes onto you so much. Telling you and in a way pressuring my sexual fetish was stupid. You are absolutely beautiful and sexy, and turned me on without needing any of that. And most importantly, I shouldn't have argued with you over such stupid stuff.

All of this is good but all of these things have to do with respecting her individuality and who she was based on
her preferences which you dismissed. Again no compliments, she knows she's sexy and beautiful, her new guy tells
her...

As for us now... I honestly believe that if there is fate or destiny, our paths will cross again in some way. Maybe tomorrow we'll decide we can be friends. Or perhaps years from now we'll meet again. I don't know when, but at some time we'll be reunited. There is a connection between us. I'm not saying that we are “soulmates” or something silly like that, but I honestly believe that our time together was meant to happen, meant to end, and in some form or another, meant to begin again.

All of the above is implied in life...no need to spell it out as it pertains to destiny or fate.
You don't say some time you WILL be reunited. What you do say is: "Before we got involved we had a friendship..."
"One day when and if fate decides...I'd like to get to know the new you...as a friend."

You are actually saying that you two are soul mates and that your time together was and IS special to YOU, and
that you KNOW you two will meet again, WRONG thing to say dude. This isn't a movie: the fact is: it is more likely
that you two will never meet again! Don't set yourself up for failure...You said you wanted closure:

This isn't closure dude!

You deserved better than what I was. I realize now that spending money on dates and food doesn't matter if my actions make you miserable. I only wish that I could show you how much you helped me mature; but I know in my heart that someday I will be able to.

When I said I will always love you, I meant it. Even if I'm with someone else, you will always have a special place in my heart. You were my first true love, and no one can replace that, and honestly dear, I'm glad that it was you.

Until we meet again

Getting specifics about how you date is meaningless to her.
You sound needy that based on her validation of her seeing YOU mature: means so much to you: bad move.

She doesn't care if you will always love her: SHE is with someone else and is happy.
Always loving someone at this point isn't closure. She knows she was your first love!
Having to state the obvious says a lot about your true intent instead of what you said you wanted: closure!

Ditch the letter
Meet up with her in person
TELL her something along the lines I had suggested (don't get too wrapped up in a too detailed of a letter)
Be straight to the point: Closure means that you have come to grips with reality and that you have
learned about what you did was wrong, and now know what you should have done (without these compliments)

[MerryH]

Heh, well to be perfectly honest I wouldn't be opposed to being with her again. I kind of viewed the letter as accomplishing two things - 1: getting some form of closure by thanking and apologizing and 2: leaving the door open for future relations.

I'd be annoyed if I received this (or any) letter from an ex.

She's clearly moved on since she has another boyfriend now. She doesn't need to be thanked or apologized to. She doesn't need closure. You do. So get your closure in a way that doesn't involve her. Print out this completely self-serving letter then burn it. There. Closure.

[SelflessnHumble]

That works too lol!

[R3AL_LUV]

I hope that you haven't given her this letter yet. All your doing is being a blind lover and not really looking at what happened between the pair of you. All your doing in your letter is blaming yourself for everything that has happened between the pair of you. To start a relationship it takes 2 people and it is exactly the same thing to end one. Why should you take blame for the breakup? I'm sure that she had many faults too that led to the pair of you breaking up. If anything you should tell her what a great guy you are and how proud of yourself you really are for giving her true love. I have been down this road and believe me all your doing is saying goodbye temporarily because deep down you still want her. So what I'm trying to say to you is you either want her or you either don't and seeing that she took the liberty of dating a new guy then I say you should give her a strong letter that will make you proud and block all contact because you deserve better.

[QuietProfession]

i see nothing wrong with that. ignore these negative nancies. people around here seem to like spinning everything a guy does in a negative light. i say send it. it'll make you feel better and maybe move towards healing mutual wounds.

[xxazurexx]

i see nothing wrong with that. Ignore these negative nancies. People around here seem to like spinning everything a guy does in a negative light. I say send it. It'll make you feel better and maybe move towards healing mutual wounds.

TROLL...^^^^^

12 posts, NO THANKS and knows it all, then bad mouths long standing members.....

People around here seem to like spinning everything a guy does in a negative light

You seem to know a lot, considering you just joined....lmfao

WE are entitled to our opinions too KNOB!

[QuietProfession]

well these are nice forums. disagree and people call you names.

of course i have no thanks, look at my join date.

[xxazurexx]

well these are nice forums. disagree and people call you names.

of course i have no thanks, look at my join date.

I'm tending to find that you are the one who disagrees and resorts to name calling.....your below quote:

ignore these negative nancies....

Genuine newbies try to fit in ....not call longstanding members, 'nancies; and because our opinion may differ from YOURS........

TROLL!!!!!!