Why did he ask me to be his woman if he doesn't have time for me?

[IGemini]

He is a music producer/musician. He genuinely seemed interested in me from the start. I was asking about business, he would not let go of my hand, and gave me his number. We talked the same day. We went out two days later and he asked me to be his woman. He was extremely affectionate, but respectful. He said he had been off the dating scene for 2 years. Not sure if it was because he was in a relationship. He has a 7 year old. From the beginning he would call me, but could only speak a few minutes before he would have to call me back. He said with clients he could get up to 100 calls a day. This would happen several times during the entire evening. Our conversations are brief at best. Other times he's busy with his daughter. We have known each other two weeks. He spent the night, so we could have some time together, but we didn't have sex. He said that is another level and he doesn't sleep with women right away because they are vulnerable and can get crazy. I can't see how we are supposed to get closer, if he doesn't ever talk to me for more than 5 minutes. Even when he came over, he was so sleepy he fell asleep on the couch right after dinner. He will be leaving for the east to do a concert next month. He asked me if I was patient because of his profession. But how serious should I take him? Is it possible that I'm just a convenience thing -- here just in case? I like him and don't want to give up too soon. But I don't know what to do. Should I wait or date while he's gone? I told him not to break my heart. He said he's a nurturer not a heartbreaker. But so far he hasn't done any nurturing. I know he's busy with his daughter and his business, but he's the one who initiated this relationship. It's only been 2 weeks, should I give up?

[lovenInsp]

Its only been 2 weeks since the start of the relationship. Just don't get too attached too quickly. Be patient and play it out and see how things develop over the next month or so. If you reach a point where you sincerely want to be more serious after a month or 2, than at that time, should you start considering giving up.

[QuietProfession]

if youre already coming up with "issues" to have with him after only 2 short weeks then i dont see the longterm potential here.

[IGemini]

So are you saying that if he's giving me 90% of his attention in the beginning few days, to 5% if that, then there's no cause for alarm?

[xxazurexx]

I don't care whether it's only been 2 weeks. IMO and if this man was 'really and genuinely' interested, he'd be paying you more attention than he is. The early days, is the 'getting to know you' stage, the time when couples will spend time together in order to get to know each other better and to get closer...if there is a mutual feeling between them that is.

If there is a mutual feeling, contact will tend to increase, not decrease, as in your case.

What it appears he is doing, is throwing out breadcrumbs of his time and just enough to keep you around.

When it looks like no interest, then it usually means no interest...or not enough interest. That isn't saying an interest may not grow.

If you want to wait around on a man who barely shows an interest in you, hoping that it will increase, then I wouldn't wait around for too long.

Give him another month and if nothing changes, move on.

[IGemini]

Your response was very direct and helpful. I do feel like I am moving too fast, only because he set the pace. I realize now that as a musician it is hard for him to maintain a relationship, and perhaps that fear is why he moved so fast. He is a producer as well and very busy. He had already asked for my patience. But I will look for some changes in the right direction. Incidentally, I was the one who told him not to call me unless he could talk for longer than a few minutes at a time. It may have backfired. This is a new situation for me. Thanks again.

[vashti]

You've only known him 2 weeks, and are already agreeing to "be his woman"? Are you crazy? You don't know him well enough to be exclusive. You have taken yourself off the market to see a man who.... doesn't see you?

Call it off. This is ridiculous.

[smackie9]

This is just a taste of what it's going to be like if you do continue to pursue a relationship with him....it's not going to get any better than what you see right now. This is what dating is all about, you test them out to see if they meet your relationship expectaions....you are discovering that they are not being met. I feel you are going to have to throw this one back into the sea. There a hint that this is the reason his last relationship ended, because he was choosing career over her.

[girl68]

So are you saying that if he's giving me 90% of his attention in the beginning few days, to 5% if that, then there's no cause for alarm?

I don't think he ever gave you 90% of his attention. For me, this wouldn't be enough. I'm sure he's great but he ain't no match for me.

[ianoulla]

Well, you are making excuses for him, because of your feelings, imagining he has the same feelings.. I have been where you are for different reasons, he pursued me relentlessly for 3 yrs. I listened to his convincing lies, at the time I thought the truth, no, in the end actions speak louder than words. There are men out there, who like to have a string of women they can just call on and give as little or as much as they feel like at the time. If you accept this, you can't complain. IMO don't. Hold back, withdraw make him do the work. You don't have to prove yourself, he does. Or, just don't go any further before you get hurt. Believe me, you will, I went further and I got hurt badly, months later, I am still not over it. Hope this helps

[IGemini]

I agree. Everyone keeps telling me that I'm expecting too much to soon. But HE set the pace. He asked me to be his lady on the first date, two days after I met him. We are still seeing each other. He is doing much better in giving me his time. Being with him during those times, I can see how and why he has to stay on top of his activities. He'll remind me that he doesn't rush and he did ask for my patience. Time will tell if I can deal with all of this or not. I'm going to look at this positively because he is improving in what we have.

[IGemini]

Thank you. I am sorry for your pain. I do understand. I started to break it off, but I couldn't. I don't like the alternative. Even when I thought I was ending it, it hurt, but I was so glad I experienced being with him than not at all. I don't imagine he has the same feelings for me as I have for him. I know he doesn't, because he will not allow himself to. That's obvious in his actions. At least I know it isn't sex that keeps him calling me several times every day. Without that, I can keep my emotions in check. I'll get back to you and let you know what happens.

[IGemini]

LOL!! I was smitten!! In my mind, it's equally crazy to marry someone after as little as 3 months, but I've known that to happen successfully. I don't regret becoming his "woman."

[IGemini]

Yes, I have considered this. He has actually gotten better in some areas. I don't have a problem with his career, because I know it means security for him. Whether he can leave me with what I need while he is gone is security for me. As long as I see us moving (albeit slowly) in that direction, I am willing to pursue. The best advice I got was to keep my emotions in check while I do.