How can I present this issue to my girlfriend?

[DateDude]

I'm going to try to keep this simple. My girlfriend and I have been together about a year and a month. I love my girlfriend's personality and she's also physically attractive. She's a bit overweight but it disperses on her pretty well so it's sometimes hard to tell depending on what she wears. I love her because she is a smart girl, hard working, very supportive, and she really does care about me.

My only issue with her is that she doesn't seem concerned enough for her health. I'm an active person and I am also a kinesiology major. As part of my lifelong health and career goal, I have educated myself on food and I stay within certain health guidelines and work out often. She, on the other hand, acts like she cares about her health but she is hardly health-minded at all and doesn't seem to want to put forth the effort to drop her extra fat and eat well.

This is an issue to me. A big issue. One of the things I told myself is that I'd eventually be with a health-oriented and active girl. I'm a very active guy and besides even the health thing, I feel like my girlfriend just cannot keep up with my activity. She's always wanting to lay around, go on slow walks, and go to bed early while I am always full of energy, want to run, and go to bed later.

My problem is that I know she loves me and I do love her great personality, but I don't know how to explain to her that I cannot stay with her unless she starts caring more for her health. Unfortunately, I don't even know if she knows what caring for her health really is thanks to her upbringing... And even if I do decide to break it off, I don't know how to do it... She already told me that she loves me and if we break up, it'll break her heart AGAIN. Apparently her past boyfriends have just left her without any explanation so she's been pretty sad in the past...


In summary, I have really 2 main issues with this:

1. I don't like how she isn't interested much in her health because this will start to massively effect her as she gets older and could even limit our time together. In addition, it will surely be costly as the medical bills roll in.

2. Since I am a lot more active than her, it leaves me desiring more sometimes when we're hanging out. I feel like I'm being limited or drug down by her inactivity. I also cannot run with her, can hardly ever work out with her, and etc...

I just don't know what to do and how to do it... Can anyone please offer some advice? Thanks.

[reeba]

Ummmm.....I use to be a lean mean athletic machine, and yes I dated 'active' guys. However, I rarely did anything more active with them than a hard hike. Most of our activities were more traditional date stuff. Why? Because despite the fact I was in great shape, if they did their normal workout, they would leave me in the dust. Thus I would just slow them down and ruin their workout, OR my competiveness would kick in and I would get frustrated because I was getting left in the dust, OR I would start thinking they were a jerk that wanted to show me up.

Anyway, a run or time in the gym is CRAPPY together time. You can't talk, and most of the time you just see eachother out of your periphial vision. Chances are you will not find a girl who wants to participate in all the same athletic endeavors as you.

But on the weight thing. I'm the same way. I feel that since I take care of myself, I have problems with overweight people or people who just want to lay on the couch and watch TV. However, I also have problems with the other extreme too, the super active/healthy. I know they will be wanting to spend a lot of their free time working out/doing their sports (no together time) and they will try to inflict their healthy diet on me (I like to eat for taste). Extremes are bad. Maybe your iinactive girlfriend helps keep some balance in your overly healthy life.

I think your profs/books are brainwashing you into thinking like this.

[MynameisJesus]

Is the issue that you are seriously concerned about her lifestyle, or is it that you do not find her attractive anymore because she is getting fat?

I'd advise you to implement a healthier lifestyle for her and see how she reacts. Healthy food and eat it together, try to get her cycling with you.
But start slow because even if you manage to convince her, her body will react after a month and she will get back to her old habits.
Talk about it with her, don't deny that it's a big issue for you. It should motivate her.
If you literally tell her she's getting a big a$$ and it turns you off, it would hurt her feelings. But lieing about it won't help your relationship either.
I think she needs a wake up call, love is making it work. If she doesn't want to get hurt, she should make an effort for you too

[QuietProfession]

theres nothing wrong with taking issue with her weight, whether its because shes less attractive or because shes becoming unhealthy (and guess what: healthy IS attractive). if you feel like shes "holding you back" or "dragging you down", then thats a SERIOUS issues with your relationship and you need to fix it. ask yourself this question: can you imagine feeling that way for the rest of your life? if the answer is yes move along. if the answer is no then you have to have a serious talk with her.

just tell her straight up what the issue is: that shes becoming unhealthy and that is not your lifestyle. tell her that you want to eat healthy meals with her and be active together. you can gloss over the weight issues entirely and use other topics like health, fun, activity level, etc.

of course, theres the possibility that shes only going to focus on the whole "you dont love me cuz im fat you shallow pig" thing. if she does that its a big sign of immaturity and you should move on. its no fun dating an insecure baby, trust me.

[HeartIsAching]

Your issue with her weight is just that. Your issue. If you don't like it, you can tell her you don't like it, but be prepared to move on. From what you describe, she's not terribly overweight, and it's probably not going to have any long term effects on her health. Get over yourself, and get a girlfriend that's more in line with what you want, rather than trying to change the person you're with.

[Boisdevie]

If she's overweight now then she'll probably be obese in the future so deal with this issue NOW. Can you do sport together? Can you cook her low fat meals that will help?
I'm talking from experience - my GF could do with losing 20kg and I"m wondering what to do

[MynameisJesus]

From what you describe, she's not terribly overweight

Not yet, but if both are young it can go fast. In our family most women got fat after the birth of their kids/marriage.
They think it's some sort of a win for life situation and now they can eat as much as they want whenever they want.
Don't go down that road TS. For the sake of your own sex life.
You can not change her if she doesn't want to. Just address the issue and then make your decision