what r the causes of high divorce rate?

[derek]

thanks what 's ur idea

[derek]

January 2, 2000
Why the high divorce rate?
The numbers don't lie. Northwest lower Michigan has a divorce rate higher than the rest of the state and well out of line with the perception that most people have about the area.
While the numbers are easy to come by, we are left with speculation when it comes to causes. That is almost more troubling than the way the numbers add up because we can't do much about solving this problem if we don't know exactly what the problem is.
It's not as if the general idea comes as a surprise. No one should assume that this region or any region is exempt from the forces that have made divorce more common and marriage more temporary throughout the nation.
Marriage isn't what it used to be and neither is divorce. Marriage is not the single, lifelong commitment that it once was and divorce is not the monumental decision that it once was. That is true here as well as elsewhere.
Around here, however, there has been a lot of good talk about the stresses that marriage brings and the possibility of better preparing people to take that step.
Many local ministers have worked to provide counseling to couples who plan to marry. By having the couples talk through their differences and learn from others before they exchange vows, the hope is they will not run into unpleasant surprises or unanticipated clashes in the first years when their commitment might not be as strong as it could become.
Those efforts certainly should be able to help reduce the likelihood of divorce or at least give couples some tools to talk about the issues that challenge them.
But the high numbers seem to go beyond newlyweds. And even though the evidence is anecdotal at best, it has a ring of truth to it.
The very things that make this region so attractive to visitors may be the same ones that make it dangerous for troubled marriage.
According to people whose business it is to know what makes and unmakes a marriage - divorce attorneys - many couples come up here in hopes that the good feelings from their vacations can somehow heal their relationship.
Too often, the attorneys say, the couples find only more stress and less support. The trip north turns out to be the beginning of the end of the marriage and not the start of a better relationship.
That's not something you want to put on the tourism brochures, and it's also not an established social science fact. It's just an opinion from some people who are likely to know. Still, it is a start, a clue that those in the business of saving marriages should not ignore.
The efforts that are going into preventive efforts for those thinking about getting married need to be duplicated and redirected into different kinds of efforts for those who are already married and not necessarily happy about it.
It will require a new kind of outreach, one that helps find people who might not necessarily be part of a group or a church, might not have a wide circle of friends. And that will be tough, since by definition these people might not have the kind of close friends who know there is a problem, let alone what to do about it.
For now, all we have in numbers. They are alarming whatever their cause because they say that there is something wrong, some level of friendship and support that people are not finding in a place that prides itself on being open and friendly.

[derek]

Causes of Divorce Rate Statistics
Why is it then that so many people, who want and need to be close to someone, end up divorced, often filled with anger and disappointment? Many who marry attempt to achieve a strong, enduring bond based primarily on emotions. In most relationships the love and acceptance continue as long as the other person is meeting a certain level of expectation. If the feelings are warm, a husband and wife can enjoy one another's company, overlook a partner's troubling or annoying traits, communicate adequately, and still express affection.
But when the feelings cool, one or both find they have no reserves or capability to love an obviously imperfect person. Now needs are not met, which causes hurt, which promotes defensiveness, which reduces positive communication, which heightens misunderstanding, which provokes conflict, which fuels anger and bitterness. If forgiveness and reconciliation do not break this downward spiral, the ability to love one another is paralyzed.

This pattern in nearly all relationships may be avoided for awhile as long as the tough issues that provoke selfishness do not exist or are obscured. But sooner or later reality hits. In spite of a couple's best intentions, they eventually realize that two independent people cannot both have all of their needs met all of the time.

[Kiechi]

The spark at the beggining just fades away I guess...

[Clifton]

i dont hafto read all that to answer this: its an easy one: in our society, there is a path we are all EXPECTED and PUSHED to take, that is-
school- consume- college- consume- career, wife- consume- kids- new consumers.

This cycle is what causes so many divorces, alot of girls simply say yes, because theyve been conditioned to say yes, but in this day in age, women and men are getting more uninhibited, more independent of each other, and in the long run marriages just arent ideal in this day in age. but the main problem is because of this cycle: people get married at a young age, before realizing what they want outof life, or what they need from a partner.

I think people start to realize at some point, there is no princess or prince to live happily ever after with, only people you can settle for, to keep you company.

[Clifton]

btw life, and death may be added at each end of the cycle

[Junket]

Don't know about everybody else, but I know why my parents divorced (outside of cultural differences) my mom was a bitch and my dad was a ass.