UPDATE from "what does this mean?"

[xxazurexx]

Well, we got in touch. He was in the hospital because he was sick.

Anyway, we met up and talked. I asked him about the Muslim woman he met and he said he knew her from before. And he still claims that he loves me and it's like how can you kiss me or even say that when you plan on getting married. So, then he basically said I can become his additional wife. I'm like WTF? And he's like in his culture, it's allowed as long as you treat them equally. Also, he said how he preffered a woman from his culture and that if I come to his country, I have to basically assimilate to the culture, that I have to learn the language, basically changing myself for his asswipe sef.He later then said he can get me a plane ticket and I can see how his country is. I was like,"So, I am coming like a guest while you are married?" And he's like, "Fine, I won't get married yet and I'll get you a plane ticket and a hotel so you can see how it really is." I don't think I gave him an answer but he said he'll hit me up later.


Anyway, when I told my mom she gave me brutal honesty and it just finally clicked in. He really doesn't love or care for me, no way a man can love you and care for you and treat you like that. And even when we were talking, he is like you think I'm sexy and I said handsome. I call him cute and handsome and it isn't enough. And really he isn't that cute, average looking but his soul makes him so ugly.

So, I deleted his number and I sent a goodbye text saying that I'm too beautiful and too good and can and deserve better. I also said I know you don't love or care for me but I wish you no harm. Whether he tries to contact me or not makes no difference to me, I am totally over it.

I'm not even sad anymore, it's more like relief. being with him was stressful. and now that i think about it, i know that i really cared for him but i dont think i loved him. i think losing him was hard, maybe it was just really infaturation.

He's a lying twat!

It's true that Muslims can have more than 'one' wife....they can have four. They can only take another wife and if the first wife gives him permission to do so.

What he was suggesting is, you can be his 'piece on the side' and if you want to be.

[xxazurexx]

I think you do have a problem with someone but I think you might be exaggerating or stretching the truth on certain things to make yourself look better. At the beginning of this whole thread you kinda came across as a bitch, no offense. Then people were kind of sympathizing with you. And then you drop this bomb where he says you can be his second wife? I really don't know about that.

And why prove to yourself that he really isn't shit? Are you considering being this "second wife" of his? If I heard someone say that to me I'd be out the door SO damn fast. I don't even know why you're still associating yourself with someone like that.

Woooaaah....well for starters I don't think she is troll.

She got involved with and got caught up with a man who spouts shit and tells loads of lies!!!

She hasn't come across as a bitch at all.....but angry that she fell for this mans bullshit and hurt that he couldn't be honest with her.

Try being deceived and then dumped sometime and you will know how it feels.

Cut the lady some slack!!

[Homelife]

Yeah, all my friends, even my guy friend was like I need to let this go. At first, my guy friend was thinking everything would be fine. But when I told him how he wanted me to be an additional wife, he was like no. He said I'm too beautiful and too good to do all this in the name of love. He said what is he sacrificing?

But really my mom is what made the light go on. I think deep down inside I knew it wouldn't work but I thought it could work. If I didn't emotionally invest myself into this jack ass, then I would have walked away pretty early on. But I kept aking excuses but I know there is no way he cares or loves me for talking to me like that and treating me like that.

It doesn't even matter if he replies back to my goodbye text because I said what I said. I know he isn't the one.

To be honest, I feel like he lied about there being another woman. I think it may have been a trap to lure me there.

Even when I was crying and he was like what did I do, he seemed happy I was crying for him. I even said you like it when I'm like a puppy dog and he didn't even say anything.

I know for a fact I was a good person to him, I didn't do anything wrong. I was loyal to him. Not one single person approved of this relaitonship and all of them agreed he is a loser, so I know it was him.

I don't even know him or think anything he said was true except maybe his brother died.

And what's funny is when he told me about his life, it seems bad things always happened to him. But I am thinking maybe that's karma because apparently he isn't that good of a person. How do you treat someone like shit when they stayed loyal to you? I would NEVER toy with someone's emotions. I remember this guy really liked me, bought me gifts, took me out, even wanted to meet my mom but I didn't like him like that. I never exploited him for being good to me. I stayed honest. Because it's not okay to **** with someone's heart.

I still can't believe he could act like this but I think it's a life lesson. Now, I can know what love is when it hits me.

[curly1118]

I know what it's liked being deceived. But I did the dumping part. And she did come across as a bitch at first. She was upset because he wanted some time to be with his family in a time of mourning. Not everyone deals with things in the same way. And he decided he would go in the direction he went in.

Yeah, we find out later that there is this mystery woman, but it just seems too convenient. Going from that to "Oh hey but don't worry, you can be my second wife! DERP!" Just my view on it. And I won't take anything this person has to say seriously anymore. If you really are having issues. Then best of luck. But I'm not buying it.

[Homelife]

I know what it's liked being deceived. But I did the dumping part. And she did come across as a bitch at first. She was upset because he wanted some time to be with his family in a time of mourning. Not everyone deals with things in the same way. And he decided he would go in the direction he went in.

Yeah, we find out later that there is this mystery woman, but it just seems too convenient. Going from that to "Oh hey but don't worry, you can be my second wife! DERP!" Just my view on it. And I won't take anything this person has to say seriously anymore. If you really are having issues. Then best of luck. But I'm not buying it.

You know what, just get the **** out the thread. You say you don't believe me so keep it moving. No, I was upset because he pushed me away while I was trying to be supportive. And yes, he did have the audacity to say that to me when we were talking. Too convenient? I am 23 years old, I have no time to make fake stories or to play games online.

At this point, your opinion is irrelevant so keep it moving.

[curly1118]

K, then why keep responding?

[xxazurexx]

I know what it's liked being deceived. But I did the dumping part. And she did come across as a bitch at first. She was upset because he wanted some time to be with his family in a time of mourning. Not everyone deals with things in the same way. And he decided he would go in the direction he went in.

Yeah, we find out later that there is this mystery woman, but it just seems too convenient. Going from that to "Oh hey but don't worry, you can be my second wife! DERP!" Just my view on it. And I won't take anything this person has to say seriously anymore. If you really are having issues. Then best of luck. But I'm not buying it.

It wouldn't surprise me in the least if this man told her she could be the 'second wife' and because these men can take up to 'four' wives...

He has filled her head with shit from day ONE....what is to stop him from continuing to fill her head with crap with this nonsense he wants her as a second wife?

I believe he probably has another woman and a Muslim one he is set to marry because these men DO marry Muslim women. He likely intends or wanted to keep the OP too and as I said above, as a piece on the side.

Not her fault he's a lying twit....she is just repeating what he is saying to her.

[xxazurexx]

Yeah, we find out later that there is this mystery woman, but it just seems too convenient. Going from that to "Oh hey but don't worry, you can be my second wife! DERP!" Just my view on it. And I won't take anything this person has to say seriously anymore. If you really are having issues. Then best of luck. But I'm not buying it.

So uhm.....you don't believe that men can actually be with a woman, lie to her, deceive her and while seeing another woman on the side??

How NAIVE are you...lols

How old are you again??

[xxazurexx]

K, then why keep responding?

If anyone's trolling, it would seem to be you at this moment

[curly1118]

I voiced my opinion. I'm not trolling. Why would I troll on a forum I now visit regularly?

And don't treat me like a child. I understand that men and women can deceive one another. That's kind of a stupid question to ask, I mean really now.

Some of this just doesn't add up. At least not to me. Call me an idiot. Say whatever you want, I don't really care.

[xxazurexx]

I voiced my opinion. I'm not trolling. Why would I troll on a forum I now visit regularly?

Hmm, a dislike of your own medicine obviously - why would the OP troll on here, but you accused her. Find out the meaning of a forum 'troll' and before you go accusing. Her story seems a very 'legit' one to me and I've read thousands like it in other forums. Plus I can relate to a lot of what she says because I've been in a similar boat with a muslim guy.

If you CAN'T relate to situations and have NEVER been in them, or don't understand, why respond?

And don't treat me like a child. I understand that men and women can deceive one another. That's kind of a stupid question to ask, I mean really now.

Well then why query the 'mystery' woman?? The mystery woman being I'm assuming, the Muslim woman he's set to marry. And is why I asked you, don't you think it is possible that men can lie and deceive, while having another woman in the picture?? So no, not a stupid question to have asked.

Some of this just doesn't add up. At least not to me. Call me an idiot. Say whatever you want, I don't really care.

Then don't comment further. I don't comment in threads where I have no experience, where I can't relate or it goes way over my head....

[vashti]

I know what it's liked being deceived. But I did the dumping part. And she did come across as a bitch at first. She was upset because he wanted some time to be with his family in a time of mourning. Not everyone deals with things in the same way. And he decided he would go in the direction he went in.

Yeah, we find out later that there is this mystery woman, but it just seems too convenient. Going from that to "Oh hey but don't worry, you can be my second wife! DERP!" Just my view on it. And I won't take anything this person has to say seriously anymore. If you really are having issues. Then best of luck. But I'm not buying it.

Gotta say: I agree.

And saying "I'm too beautiful for this" in every other post is annoying.

[xxazurexx]

Fair enough, she did demand his time and when a family member died, that was out of order on her part and she was told days ago it was out of order. She also does have an annoying habit of saying she is beautiful. But I'm failing to see why people may not think this is a 'legit' story?

From what I understand of the situation, she met a guy who promised her this and that. He then distanced, said a relative had died but he was gone for weeks and she became suspicious that it wasn't only due to the death of his family member he was gone. This is the point where I asked, did OP suspect another woman in the picture in her previous thread. Then she starts this thread and reveals that he tells her he has another woman who he plans to marry from his own country - a Muslim like he is. Meanwhile, OP and him talk and he mentions words to the effect of, that she can be his piece on the side if she wishes?

So to sum up...he's a lying piece of shit that failed to be honest from the start, led OP into believing he wanted a life with her and while unknowing to OP was arranging a marriage with a Muslim woman from his native country. Now it seems he'd like to keep them both....'have your cake and eat it' man.

Am I missing something?

[SelflessnHumble]

so it's over and done.

No honey...It has been over and done with when his brother died. Period. But I'm sorry.

so today he texts me back that hes ****ed up because he cant believe he buried his brother and his emotions are messed up and i deserve someone better.

You need to accept THIS: he told you how he feels...Sure it sounds like a cop out...but it is true.
He is messed up and you deserve someone better...Now...obviously if he was "just" messed up...
and you wanted to be there for him: he wouldn't have said, "You deserve someone better." This is a tell.

he then calls me and says he is going back 2 his country and i say so thats it and he said he told me from the beginning tht he was leaving.

You aren't listening to what he is saying. What are you expecting here?
One, he could have felt comfort in being in America with his brother: who's now dead.
2nd, he told you from the beginning he was leaving...You CHOSE to still be emotionally involved with a man
who didn't want to be with you.

so then we text and he says that all the time we are together, i just called him cute and he was the one to always call me beautiful and sexy. he says when he went back to his country, he met a woman who thinks she is beautiful and sexy. i tell him i never told him my emotions because i didnt want to be hurt

This isn't his fault: it's yours.
You withheld how you felt because you were afraid of getting hurt: Now that it's over: are you hurt? Exactly.
If he met a woman in his country that affirmed her feelings while you did not: don't blame him, it was your choice.
I still think it's a cop out and an excuse, but then again: this whole thing doesn't make much sense.

then he says our cultures are different and they really wouldnt accept me because im western.
and that going back opened his eyes that i couldnt assimilate to the muslim culture. he said even being america for him was hard. then he said hes really sorry

Call me crazy: BUT I suspect he knew this from the beginning of your relationship.
When did you meet his family? Why didn't he want you at the funeral? EXACTLY!!!!

then i said how could u hurt me.

This is selfish: on your part.

he said in order for his family to blessed by allah, its best for him to be with a muslim woman.

This is a cop out and an excuse...You should have asked WHERE in the Qur'an it says this?

I think a lot of Mooslims are misguided fanatical pshychos to believe God would force him to be with a woman of his own race.
Anyway it's ANOTHER excuse: but if he believes in it: Who are you to be selfish and make him change for you?

i feel so stupid he could have told me this shit before. he made it seem like he wanted all this shitand now its just whatever

he said he will see me on sunday so we can talk in person.

You're a sucker if you meet in person: he told you everything you needed to know.
If he told you before: he wouldn't have gotten all the sex and benefits from you if he told you at first, right?

C'mon now!

[xxazurexx]

You know, no offence Humble but this quote:

Who are you to be selfish and make him change for you?...

I don't think she was asking for him to change. She is repeating what he says.

The OP is only a 24 year old female and I suspect was very ignorant to Islam and had no knowledge of it at all and when she got involved with this man.

If anyone has been selfish, it is this 'liar' she unfortunately fell in love with, who led her to believe that there would be a future for the two of them and knowing he wouldn't be able to keep his promises.
That makes him a bastard IMO and not because he chooses the Muslim woman over OP - but because of his lies, deceit and dishonesty and the fact he cheated on OP with this other woman...

Also and when you say it is selfish of OP and to ask this man why he hurt her. I see that as being a 'normal' question any woman/man could ask a partner....'Why did you hurt me'?
For crying out loud, he was her partner and she assumed she could trust him. Of course she wants to know why he would hurt her.

I'm just getting this impression that everyone thinks she is too blame in this situation....when in fact her only fault in my eyes, (asides making demands on his time when his family member died), was she got caught up with a lying, cheating prick who I think used OP and until he got his hands on a Muslim bride. It is NOT rare for these men to use Western women, until they get an arranged marriage....try doing a web search on it.