I lied about my age to my boyfriend (I'm 7 years older)

[Jinxed]

Hi,

I've been with my boyfriend for just over a year and we're moving in together soon. We have an amazing relationship and I love him with all of my heart.

The problem is, when we first met, I wasn't honest about my age. He's almost 7 years younger and I was insecure about the age gap. It seemed like such a harmless, little lie at the time, given that we didn't know each other, but 15 months later and he still doesn't know the truth.

In the beginning, like I say, it seemed harmless, but once it got to a point where I knew a confession was needed, it seemed like too much time had passed and I've never found the courage to tell him.

I'm so scared of how he'll react and also what will happen if/when his family and friends find out, so I keep putting it off. The worst thing in all of this is that he wouldn't have even cared in the slightest, he isn't that sort of person, but he's going to be so upset that I lied to him and let it drag on for so long. That's why I'm so terrified of having the conversation, because it's going to hurt him so much and that thought alone has me in tears on an almost daily basis.

How am I ever going to find the right time and the right words?

He's 19 and I'm 25. X

[reeba]

Evenually he is going to see a legal document that you have to put your bday on - drivers liscense, credit check for lease or car, etc.

Oh what a wicked web we weave in what we thought was just a harmless little lie. So what did you do for your psuedo 18th bday? Did you pretend you were barely legal, and joke about it while you boinked him?

You lied for too long. He will be upset.

[HeartIsAching]

He'll be upset if you tell him, but there's a chance he'll forgive. If he finds out without you telling him, he might not.

[JadenMia]

Ouch, Oh my..
Well, these little lies always get us into shit in the end.. And it makes you look a worse person that you probably actually are..

There must be so many other little lies in this relationship to keep this lie going!! He is going to pretty shocked and upset that you have lied to him like this.. I mean, this whole relationship has been started off with a lie.
You must tell him asap. Its scary, and you are risking losing him.. But you HAVE to tell him the next time you sit down together, alone.
Just explain what you told us, and if he loves you he will try to understand.. But then you must understand if he doesnt forgive you.

Good luck and best wishes to ya!

[MerryH]

For the love of god, tell him before you move in together. Other than that, there is no right time for this conversation so stop looking for one. Sit him down in private and just spit it out. "When we first met, I wasn't honest about my age." Go from there.

If he wants to break up with you over this, let him. You probably had to lie a LOT to keep up the illusion that you're a teenager.

[ashley89]

yikes! that is a huge thing to lie about! I could see maybe saying something at first before you really got to know each other, but once you started seriously dating I honestly don't understand how you could have gone on lying to him like that. you had to have made up tons of stories along the way, so a huge part of your relationship is based on lies. how old did you say you were? you should tell him now... I mean, sooner than later, but it might already be too late. you're risking your relationship, but you had to have known that from the beginning

[Saya]

Hmm, this is bad...
You have to tell him the truth before you two move in together.
He might be upset, but might forgive you if he loves you.

[doppelgaenger]

He probably will not mind your age as much as the fact that you lied to him. The age difference is typical/acceptable...

[xxazurexx]

^Yeah, I reckon the lying is a bigger issue. He probably won't mind she would be older and because it's not a huge gap. It's not as if she is about to tell him 'Honey, I'm really 37'....lol
OP likely thought at the beginning that nothing serious would come of this relationship, which is why she fibbed about her age.
I'd tell him.

[Jinxed]

Hi,

Thanks for all your replies.

It wasn't a lie with sinister motives, it was just plain stupid! I never intended for this to even become a relationship, least of all something serious, which is why I never saw much point in saying anything to him, until it was too late and the damage had already been done.

My age has been a sensitive subject for a few years now. I have Bipolar and it went undiagnosed for a long time, which led to everything falling apart. I lost my hairdressing apprenticeship; an amazing job that I actually looked forward to getting up for; virtually all of my friends; my ex-boyfriend; and my entire life in general. I was utterly miserable and could barely drag myself out of bed most days.

I didn't lie about my age to gain back those lost years, no matter how depressing the situation might be, but because I was sick and tired of being reminded of how much of a failure I was, simply because I was "too old" to have so little to show for myself. I just found it embarrassing and I didn't want to discuss my problems with strangers, nor did I wish to explain why I hadn't finished college, didn't have a job, couldn't drive, still lived at home and never went out because my friends had all moved on with their own lives and I'd been left behind. I just found it easier to say I was younger and avoid the questions, because either way I'd be too embarrassed to be honest, and it seemed the worst lies would come from pretending my life was normal. As such, I haven't had to tell more lies just to cover up the age thing, because I don't have many stories to tell anymore!

So yes, I'm insecure about my age but for many different reasons and I would still struggle to bite the bullet and be 100% honest with strangers or those I don't know very well, but I very much regret what's happened and if I could change only one thing, it'd be this. I thought I should perhaps try to explain it a bit better.

You're right BTW, he won't care about the age gap, it'll be the fact I lied about it. X

[Nice Lover Boy]

I'm glad your willing to tell him about your age. Along with telling him the truth about your age, you should also tell him why you lied and why you are now telling him the truth.
Let him know that you were afraid he might not show interest if you were 7 years older. And tell him that you are now telling him the truth because you love him.
For me, if I found out that my GF was 7 years older than when I was 19, it would be a huge win for me. Personally, I have "dated" and been with a a gal who was 10 years old when I was 19. I loved that feeling. But you are probably wondering what happen to that relationship, well lets just say that if she wasn't married we would be together and I would of settled that way 6 years ago.
Anyways, good luck and let us know what happens.