Am I overly, stupidly jealous or is this something to worry about?

[xTwinklex]

Ok we were firiends for over a year and its only recently that I have seen him in a romantic light and apparantly likewise. He has this female friend that he's only met in the last few months. It didn't bother me at all what friends he had until I took an interest... of course. He told me openly that she'd be hitting on him and had asked him out. He had said no to her not because of me but because he just didn't consider her relationship material. That actually made me feel better than if he said "I said no because of you" if you get that? Anyway I have the whole theme of trust him until he proves otherwise. But if I'm totally honest he is a pretty flirtatious and alluring kinda guy. I am proud of him but I still worry of other girls intentions. I've explained to him that he cant NOT see how much his female "best friend" fancies him. Plus even though we want to take it steady and mutually decided to keep it at a low how am I meant to respond when his friend comes out of nowhere, totally off topic to tell me that he has dreams of "them". She even told him to give the details and in a noticably strained tone of voice he proceeded to tell me about his dream journies and rescuing adventures that he had of her. Now I get that dreams cant be helped and I get that maybe it wasn't something he'd like to share with me for obvious reaons but the fact is isn't it a BAD idea to share these kind of dreams with someone you are "trying" to not give the wrong impression? I used to be overly jealous and paranoid with my exes but I'm proud to say that I've been working on that with some great success. But I don't know how I'm meant to take this? Should I just cut ties for my own sanity if I am feeling like this BEFORE we're even official? thanks in advance for reading this opinions much appreciated!

[justcheckin]

I like my girlfriend a lot and I dream about different girls some times. I cant help it, doesn't change my feelings of anybody.

[xxazurexx]

hen his friend comes out of nowhere, totally off topic to tell me that he has dreams of "them". She even told him to give the details and in a noticably strained tone of voice he proceeded to tell me about his dream journies and rescuing adventures that he had of her.

So she dreams about him, he dreams about her......and they share those dreams. You were not aware of this and until his friend told you about it and embarrassed him in the process. She then goaded him into telling you about the dreams he has of them being together?

She's trying to make you jealous.....and he's encouraging her and leading her on, when he will tell her he has dreams of her and of rescuing her.

If anyone needs rescuing, it's you and from this really odd situation.

[twinrexes]

Yes, of course, if she's asked him out and he's turned her down and she's still around then she's probably trying to get you out of the way. Maybe she figures he said no because of you and if you're gone, she's "in".

So why is he dreaming about her? That IS a little weird. Myself, I'm a commitment-phobic and even though I've been married for 11 years, I've never stopped having dreams about ex boyfriends. It signals my urge to run, lol. Maybe him too?

[xxazurexx]

I often dream about exes too or being with men. I once even dreamt I was married to David Beckham, lols

But in this situation, he is sharing dreams with a friend he knows has the hots for him. And this female who will be reading into all sorts of things he will tell her and because she is infatuated with him. For him to actually tell her he dreams about her and dreams in which he is becomes her 'knight in shining armor' is a tad dumb of him....

[xTwinklex]

Thnx for the replies honestly I had to ask your opinions otherwise I would have just kept on thiking about it. I have to agree he has this magical way of leading girls on, but then again, I'm not perfect either. He said this other girl is his best friend and he's well aware of her feelings and he wont admit it but the chemistry between them when we all talk sparkles; when she leaves and it's just the two of us he seems to go back into his "cool, calm and collected" state and almost at a low instead of the euphoric high when she's around. I get that we act different with "friends" but honestly the reason I liked him was because of our flourishing friendship more than any shallow attraction. I just don't want to be pissed on by guys that wont take responsibility for their "harmless" actions, but I also think I don't want to ruin my chances at being able to have a reasonable loving relationship

[xxazurexx]

^Yup. The type of things he is telling her, is enough to make a woman fall for a man I reckon.

These two might get along well...but if there is no physical and sexual attraction for her it won't lead anywhere I wouldn't have thought.

If he wanted her, he'd be with her, not you.

[xTwinklex]

Been a while since I last updated this thread, things seemed to be going well. We talk a lot online to save credit but it seems now that I have to wait until he's finished talking to this girl mentioned above, i.e. she has to go offline or end the call before we can talk. That is usually when he has to be more quiet so the call is just shit anyway and totally pointless. I ask what he's up to "talking to her and her friends" is 70% of his answer. Honestly, I might just drop this one. I don't think I'll be falling for the "trust me, nothing is going on" phrase again, ever. I don't think my suspicions are unfounded and I don't think anything physical has or will happen but the emotional side of it is just as bad. I deserve better than 2nd place.

[xxazurexx]

Yeah drop him. Any man who doesn't make you a 'priority' is a total waste of time.

Just cut the bozo off and let him have his 'dream' girl....lols

Plenty more men out there

[whatthis]

To me it seems like the girl kinda wants to show you that she's pretty tight with your... "love interest". And he obviously shared those stories with her - so to me it seems like he must be kinda flirting with her as well. Why else would he tell her his dreams of rescuing her and their adventures together?

But then again, since you guys aren't official, he's fair game. From a completely third person point of view, it looks like he's working on charming you, but on the side he's probably flirting with her as well. But if it goes well with you, he would probably completely drop her - you know what I mean? But then again, who knows?

P.S: The reason the other chick MADE your "love interest" tell the story is because she wanted to make you jealous - meaning she knows you have the upper hand in this situation.

Me personally, I wouldn't trust the guy. If he's flirting with the other chick while he's obviously interested in you (and he already knows that he has a chance with you) - well that means he's got a wandering eye - meaning he's a possible candidate for a future cheater. Wow I sound overly cynical. But you have to be with all those cheaters out there. Just saying - be very wary. But don't do anything that's "girlishly psycho".

[Charisma]

I'd drop him too. And I'd tell him exactly why, and no accept any stupid excuses. He had all this time to show he cares for you, and he hasn't. Those calls would drive me mad on their own, without any of the other things you've mentioned.

If you're not offically an item, then all this leading around stuff is a bit daft. Seriously, who's idea was it to *keep it steady and on the low*?!?!?! Probably her idea putting it into his head, if anything!!! If you fancy him, ask him out and see what he says. Anyone sensible enough would just not talk to him as much if he says no or tries to compromise.

As for the girl, it does sound like she sees you as the girl standing between him and her. That's her problem, and you can bet a million pound that everything that comes out her mouth will be either to lure him to her or to repel you away from him. For the dream thing, yeah it's completely stupid of him to tell her, but men who think that girls who fancy them can also be best friends should be shot. You don't tell your best friend who has feelings about dreams of that nature.

If I were you I'd have a serious chat with him. I'd let him know that if he is wanting to date you, that girl MUST NOT be the other girl he chats to on msn/the phone/etc. She has to stop being his best friend, because she has feelings for him, she got rejected, and she's still trying to get him. Surely she knows you both are unoffically, and that it goes to show how much of a scheming cow she is. Tell him that you can't trust her if you two were to date, and that if she were to lie about you two about doing something that was innocent, the suspicion would kill the relationship. If he can't see that, then he's a numptey. An utter numptey. Hell, if he can't see that, tell him how he's feel if she had a dream about one of his friends who happened to fancy you who you rejected, but you were best friends with etc....only an idiot or a sneaky person would made excuses about it when the shoe is on the other foot.

It's up to you tho. This guy could just be socially dense about girls. And he could just be really into you, and really trusting of the other girl. But I doubt it.

[sweetkissesforu]

[url=http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=numptey]Urban Dictionary: numptey[/url]