Depressed, Confused, and dont know what to do.

[DarkHelmet82]

Selfless can i ask you one last question than ill leave you alone.. haha

Is opening myself up and telling her how i fell.. things like how I tend to close up and subconciously how I want my relationships to fail, and how i wanted her to love me so much I sabotoged it from the beginning.. are stating things like that a bad idea... remember i wear my heart on my sleeve and it tends to leave me somewhat vulnerable...

[Horseyguy]

Dude, there is being honest and being honest.

If you don't want her back go for your life, doesn't matter what you tell her

But if you do... if someone told me that I'd just think the whole relationship never was what it was. Certainly wouldn't get back into one with someone that conciously or sub conciously actually wants it to fail. I'd want my partner to be in it 100% and really wanting it to suceed otherwise what's the point?

Really don't see what you would gain by saying that other than hurting her

[DarkHelmet82]

ok thanks man

[Horseyguy]

ok thanks man

Anyway sounds like crap because from everything you have said, doesn't sound like you were trying to fail at this. Sounds to me like you gave it a good shot, you were both happy and she pulled the plug overnight. If you were sub / conciously trying for the relationship to fail it would have done so because of a specific event, such as you cheating on her just so she would end it, or a gradual decline because you wern't really in it and was trying to sabotage it.

Nothing you have said indicates either of those, so even if you were trying to sabotage it, it wasn't working. You were both happy and both in love.

Sounds to me like you are hurting and can't make sense of it so are just trying to protect yourself by convincing yourself that you didn't actually want it to work in the first place

Don't let your head mess with you and I hope you don;t think I'm being out of line by what I just said.

Just seems to go against everything you have said about your relationship and what happened at the end

[SelflessnHumble]

Selfless can i ask you one last question than ill leave you alone.. haha

Is opening myself up and telling her how i fell.. things like how I tend to close up and subconciously how I want my relationships to fail, and how i wanted her to love me so much I sabotoged it from the beginning.. are stating things like that a bad idea... remember i wear my heart on my sleeve and it tends to leave me somewhat vulnerable...

You can't be serious about that?
If you subconsciously want your relationships to fail: Then you clearly don't deserve an explanation as to why it failed.

(If you didn't know) has it EVER occurred to you...that your *sub conscious* thoughts are projected outward...for her to pick up on?
People aren't stupid dude...They have instinct. When you begin to correlate how you feel: can project a vibe that SHE can pick up (even sub conscious)
then you can begin to understand that YOU had just as much an important role in how this thing ended as she did.

[DarkHelmet82]

i think horseguy is right... for some reason im trying to blame myself... i cant let my emotions get the better of me... i will talk to her and get to the bottom of it... all i can do is my best

[DarkHelmet82]

3-4 more days....

[DarkHelmet82]

so we talked.. she wouldnt meet up with me..

I talked to her on the phone and I asked her why pretty much the things we talked about here.. she didnt really answer and was shifting the questions...

she told me that her feelings were just not there and that she tried to force it. She said she would never get back together with me romatically but in the future maybe we can be friends.. she told me she likes me better as a friend and intimatly.

I have some of her stuff i was going to mail her.. i might just throw them out..

[SelflessnHumble]

so we talked.. she wouldnt meet up with me..

I talked to her on the phone and I asked her why pretty much the things we talked about here.. she didnt really answer and was shifting the questions...

she told me that her feelings were just not there and that she tried to force it. She said she would never get back together with me romatically but in the future maybe we can be friends.. she told me she likes me better as a friend and intimatly.

I have some of her stuff i was going to mail her.. i might just throw them out..

Big mistake: talking to her over the phone dude. Oh well.
Considering she didn't have to take your call: (and she still did) and even took the time out of her life to tell you answers to your questions (although not to the extent that you would have liked)

The fact is: people's feelings CAN, do, and will change, sometimes for no *good* (enough) reason(s) at all. This is what happened and no
matter if it was based on YOU, her or a combination of the two: (which is likely) then it stands to reason that she does NOT like you more than a friend and she now realized it.

The next step isn't to be a dick, nor out of spite throw her shit out (because it's NOT cool)
The next step isn't to mail her shit (if she has your shit...then oh well) but you should ask her what she wants you to do with her shit?

Mailing things cost money, and if she cannot get them? Tell her you are going to put all of it in a trash bag out front your house...Tell her when trash day comes (and about what time)

(you don't even have to call her, just send a one way message) letting her know her shit is outside, in a bag, in front of your house...The ball is in her court and that's the end of it.

No calling her a bitch, a whore, a piece of shit....Moving on means YOU finally *get* that she doesn't want you: and that you don't mean anything to her: despite her empty words that up till recently
told you different, k?

[DarkHelmet82]

she wouldnt meet with me.. i tried.. she called me.. i didnt call her... it was only way to talk to her... she reluctantly called.. and said "it doesnt matter what i think... about this or that.. she said.. I dont know of any other way of saying it.. I just dont have feelings for you, " she pretty much said she never will...

Time for me to move on.. the first step is..to mail her the stuff.. i dont care if it costs money...

[SelflessnHumble]

You must have skipped my post: You don't set it up like an appointment dude!
If you do: guess what? She either won't show: or she will NOT want to meet you and look you in the eye.
Once again she dictated and you said, "o.k."

K, if you don't mind spending money send it!
No return address, no smiley faces, nothing but a box of her shit.
Don't accidentally put something *cute* to stir her memory of you.

She told you the truth: she don't have feelings for you: this trumps anything else she could have said!

[DarkHelmet82]

i cant go from not talking to her to saying.. "hey lets meet up." I did not have a choice.. plus i dont think it makes a difference.. she feels how she feels.. time to move on...

[SelflessnHumble]

i cant go from not talking to her to saying.. "hey lets meet up." I did not have a choice.. plus i dont think it makes a difference.. she feels how she feels.. time to move on...

You aren't getting what I'm saying dude:
Why would you need to tell her, "hey let's meet up" IF you surprised her and went to visit her????

You asked for permission: and you were unsurprisingly denied.

The fact is: she feels how she feels and you know how she feels. The why isn't important.

[DarkHelmet82]

thast not possible.. she lives with her parents, either that or go to her job.. I think thats just creepy... but the why isnt important.. she doesnt have a reason why.. sometimes people dont.

[Horseyguy]

Step away from the cookie jar!!

DH, I feel for you Dude, but I guess now you at least have the answer to the question about how she feels, and can deal with that.

I wouldn't be worrying about her stuff right now, go stick it in a box somewhere so it's not in your face and deal with it whenever.

just take some time to deal with how you feel about all this, you've had a rough few days, just take some you time right now.