My girlfriend asked me a tricky question

[crunk_allstarz]

Hi there.. sorry to be abrupt and just start off here without introducing myself, but this incident has been on my mind tonight and I'd just like to hear your povs.. thank you.

I've been in a relationship for almost 4 years now, and I am very happy. My girlfriend and I share a beautiful, loving bond, and we are both best friends and lovers.

However, she asked me a question today- 'What would you do if I left you?'... and my exact words to her were something like 'I'd feel a huge thud in my heart, and it would hurt like hell'.

..after that, she seemed upset that I apparently didn't seem like I'd care much, just because I just told her about the 'thud' thing. The thing is that I've had a pretty tough life, and prior to meeting her, I really was a wreck of sorts and had my walls up whenever I met people. I'm not a very expressive person, but when it comes to my girlfriend, I do not hesitate to shower her with affection, love, and silly little nothings and mushy words, because I enjoy doing that with her. I love her too much to even entertain the thought of not having her in my life.. and it's not just me saying this, even my gf tells me that I am the most 'open' and affectionate guy she's ever been with.

We ended up fighting after her question because she totally blew things out of proportion (in my view) and totally misconstrued my one line to indicate that I wouldn't care if she was around or not. I honestly can't fathom why she asked me that question, and I told her that when two people are in love, they understand and 'get' one another without having to say everything in detail. I even told her that I'd never ask her the same question because I'd just know that me leaving her (if it ever happened) would seriously wound her.. there are just some things you know and really don't need to spell out. I felt like she was asking me that question to kind of get some sort of boost to her ego.. at this point, I can't really understand it all.

I just want to say here that aside from this incident, I have been very honest, forthcoming, and vulnerable without any second thought in this relationship because I see this girl as my wife and as the mother of my kids. I don't know if I should apologize to her or just stay away for a while before she realizes what happened.. I love her too much and I'm already missing her. Any advice would be appreciated.. thanks in advance.

[reeba]

craziness

She ambushes you, 'what would u do if she left....' Which is a stupid hypothetical question.
Your answer didn't meet her high expectations to a T. (I thought it was acceptable)
She said you aren't caring enough about the relationship since you answer was wrong, so she follows through on her stupid hypothetical question.

Did she give you any indication on what you were suppose to say. Cause although I don't think you are in the wrong, sometimes to keep the peace you have to tell your sig other that you are in the wrong. And what you have to do is either tell her 'what you would do if she left....' using the words she said she wanted to hear.

Also, if she pulls a stupid stunt like this again. Then I say she is either playing games with you and you need to leave her. Or she is one of those crazy girls who expects you to read her mind.

[Yet another guy]

How could she possibly interpit that as not caring? You said quite the opposite. She asked a stupid question and apparently wanted a specific answer even though you couldn't possily know what she was expecting
Her motives are unclear too but I guess that the ego boosting isn't too far fetched. In the worst case she was just looking for an excuse to fight because she was planning to dump you. If not though, I suppose that your best bet is to apologize for not saying whatever she wanted you to say and for the fight (no need to metion that she is the one to blame).

[twinrexes]

" I have been very honest, forthcoming, and vulnerable without any second thought in this relationship because I see this girl as my wife and as the mother of my kids."

How about telling her THAT? And follow it up with "I'd be heartbroken and shattered if you left".

Yes, when you're in love the other person should just "know" this stuff. In fairy tales. But in real life people often need to hear it too. Sometimes you just have to spell it out for her.

[Boisdevie]

She sounds like a controlling bitch to me.

[IncognitoSir]

Its ridiculous to even ask such a question. She is playing with you, but why is she so insecure in the relationship that she would get upset over a horrible hypothetical question?

[BackUpOrGetStng]

I don't know if I should apologize to her or just stay away for a while before she realizes what happened..

Keep your distance. When she comes back around, let her know that she really hurt you by putting you in that position, and that in itself should show her how much you care. If she tries turning this into another argument, you should break up with her on the spot.

[crunk_allstarz]

" I have been very honest, forthcoming, and vulnerable without any second thought in this relationship because I see this girl as my wife and as the mother of my kids."

How about telling her THAT? And follow it up with "I'd be heartbroken and shattered if you left".

Yes, when you're in love the other person should just "know" this stuff. In fairy tales. But in real life people often need to hear it too. Sometimes you just have to spell it out for her.

I think I should've mentioned this before, but I have already told her that I intend to spend the rest of my life with her and that I want us to have a family.

She has a little girl who I love very much. In fact, when I first met her, she was pregnant at the time.. I have been with her ever since.

The thing is that not a day goes by when I don't tell her I love her, and likewise too. We are pretty 'open' that way... I have told her how much she means to me and all that, I have never held anything back.. which was why this question came as a jolt to me.

Truth be told, I too believe that this question was bunk, but you know how it goes.. head vs. heart..

Thanks for all the replies though.. I have got a gist of what you guys have been saying and I really don't think I did anything wrong.. thank you all so much.

[crunk_allstarz]

Did she give you any indication on what you were suppose to say. Cause although I don't think you are in the wrong, sometimes to keep the peace you have to tell your sig other that you are in the wrong. And what you have to do is either tell her 'what you would do if she left....' using the words she said she wanted to hear.

She didn't really give any indication as such, but it's obvious to me now that she wanted something more elaborate.. more 'poetic'.. more telling of my hypothetical misery. Honestly, a part of me was wondering if she asked me that to get some kind of reassurance or 'kick', because I'm not the jealous, possessive sort at all and don't throw fits when she hangs out with her guy friends etc.

[Regnent]

ahahah!
Sorry.
That's one of those loaded questions. I think it's because of romantic movies or something.

My wife hits me with them once in a while, and the answer never seems to be 'right'.

Don't fuss over it. Seriously. Sometimes they ask a question that has a scripted answer, and anything other than whatever it is they are thinking is dissapointing to them.
You still had a better answer than some of my doozies.

Whatever you do, don't title a promise ring as a 'non-specific' ring. That will follow me to the grave.