Says she doesn't want to hurt me...

[xareon]

Hi everyone... I've always gotten great advice on this board and right now I really need it. The girl I've been with for almost 5 months sent me a message this morning saying "Hey I'm sorry but I have to be a quitter, I'm giving up on us so that I dont make you unhappy and I'm giving up on me so I don't make anyone unhappy". As soon as I received this message I jumped into my car and drove to her house. I called her mom at work and she made my girlfriend promise to let me in to talk.

Well when I came over she had her arms crossed and she was very closed off. Our conversation kept going in circles the whole time, I'd tell her I loved her and that thats all that matters, she would in turn tell me that I shouldn't love her and that she made me miserable. I'd say that other girls in the past had made me miserable but she was the first one to make me happy. There were bumps along the way and I did get digruntled but she made me more happy than anybody else could. We'd beat around the bush again and again but it always came back to her saying that she made me unhappy. When I left her house she hadn't budged. She said that she still loves me and that its not me, its her... shes giving up on herself... So... I'm lost. Does anybody have any advice to give?

Thx for reading... I hope you can help...

[wholenote]

Her words are a little frightening... I'd make sure at least her immediate family is aware of that kind of talk, if she really seemed down on herself!

[xareon]

I just got back from work with her (we work at dominos together) and the whole night she was receptive to my getting close to her ie she let me hug her and rub her back and even kiss her at the end of the night. But she didn't say that we were back together or anything of the kind and if my intuition is correct, just because we kissed and hugged doesnt mean we're back together. I don't think she's going to hurt herself but I'm not sure whats going on... I'm planning tomorrow to be at her house when she gets home from school with a rose and ask her to go back out with me... any thoughts on this? should I, should I not? Anyways thx for the help.

[turbomx3]

I gotta agree with Wholenote let her folks know cause that kind of talk is pretty chilling! Hey has anything happened to her to make her do a 180 as it seems strange that she is okay one min and then doubting herself the next. that stuff usually happens over time (I thought) , or if something weird is happening in her life.

[xareon]

I think I am the reason for her self doubt. I think my own self doubt made her think that I was miserable being with her and therefor ruined her self image. Lately over the last month or two when I tell her she is beautiful she says "No I'm not" and when I say I love you sometimes she'll respond "Well, you shouldn't" I think the first thing that set all this off was telling her that I felt like she was looking at me like I was a slug at work... which was sorta true but once we worked through it we got passed that problem... she no longer looks at me that way. I think she's given up on trying to make this work because she thinks she's not good enough, but she IS! She is amazing and she just can't see it... how do you convince someone that they are amazing when they don't want to believe it?

[xareon]

Good news... today I went over to her house and it was the same story... "I make you miserable and I don't want to be with someone I make unhappy" well I left eventually and she called me just a few minutes ago and told me that she was sorry for everything and she still wanted to be with me... I must say I'm the happiest man alive at this very moment. Anyways thx for your concern...

[turbomx3]

Thats good to hear! Hey try and lift her spirits because she sounds like she needs the boost as do you! You both sound like you need to go do some fun stuff for a while!

Good luck