in need of help!!

**geolink** · 08-02-11, 01:01 PM

Ok so im turning 28 soon and my girlfriend is 20 at the moment.

On the 15th of march we are hitting the 2 year mark of our relationship.

So in the beginning everything was fine we would see each other heavily(go out be intimate sleepovers the works)
We talked on the phone on average for an hour a day and things were going great.
She loves me and i Love her as she is amazing.
She is a student at the moment and just started working for her co op program to get her degree.
About 3 months ago i joined the army (here in greece its unavoidable and lasts 9 months)
In the beginning of that it was going great we talked on the phone a lot and whenever i could (roughly 5 days a month or so) i would visit her and we would spend time together with the same situations as prior.
As she started work i noticed her being more tired and something bothering her.
On the phone i tried to understand what was up but never pressured her into telling because i want her to be comfortable with saying whatever the issue is. She would be very abrupt and we would talk somewhat less.
Suddenly yesterday we talked a bit on the phone and she said i have some issues and i want us to stop talking on the phone for a while.
I freaked and i was shocked. I tried to tell her that that is not any answer and that we love each other and that any situation we can overcome even if i am in the army.
She said that we just need to stop talking for a while.
I asked her politely if we are breaking up and she said no. Either way i freaked because i am really scared of losing her.
I dont know what to do and i really dont want to lose her because she is the only person i have met and i have met/had relations with many that understands me and i feel really loves me as much as i do.
I do not know what to do and i am extremely sad.
She said we are not breaking up when i asked her but what could this mean?
Am i slowly losing her?
Please help and tell me what to do since i dont want to lose her. ever.

Thanks in advance guys and sorry for the wall of text.

**Boisdevie** · 08-02-11, 02:20 PM

Sounds like she's unsure of the relationship but doesn't have the guts to tell you that.

**geolink** · 09-02-11, 12:55 AM

Should i call her up and ask her to fess up?
Just ask her if she is having doubts?
I want to know what the issue and if breaking up needs to be done.

Not that i want to break up with her but i want to know

any other ideas on the matter?

please help

**BackUpOrGetStng** · 09-02-11, 01:01 AM

Don't ask her for anything, she clearly doesn't want to give you the truth at this point. You need to call her and break up with her, cease all contact, and start moving on. Tell her not to contact you for anything other than to get back together. This is your first relationship, so I doubt you'll actually take my advice, but it will work for you.

**girl68** · 09-02-11, 02:11 AM

You can't make her fess up if you push she's going to pull away even harder.

**geolink** · 09-02-11, 03:42 AM

is there any way to do this without breaking up with her?
I did ask her and her specific reply was that there are two was of doing this
The dialogue went like
-do you want us to break up?
-not at all.
-then what do we do?
-we have two choices: either you give me some time and let me think or we break up. I really prefer the second one
so that leaves me with hope.

I have my bday on the 11th?
what if she calls?
what can i say to make this work

i really cant stop thinking of her.
Its not my first relationship but rather my third and this one was the least long (priors were 3yrs and 4 yrs).

Lets make this happen.

**geolink** · 10-02-11, 01:54 PM

pleaaaaseee help im dying here!!

**xxazurexx** · 10-02-11, 09:41 PM

She's looking for a way out...

**RockNRoll** · 11-02-11, 01:05 AM

Someone, who wants to stay in the relationship, wouldn't even think about slowing down with talks (you don't communicate that much anyway) or mention break up.
And I am suspicious of what she is going to think about.
I am afraid there is nothing you can do. She can't answer your questions, so stop asking. Basically, she asked for no contact, so you need to let her go. You have a choice to either officially break up (and see what happens, but don't rely on it), or let her keep you in the background "just in case".

**BackUpOrGetStng** · 11-02-11, 01:28 AM

To answer your question, NO. There is not another way besides breaking up with her. Right now she's got you as a safety net, and knows you aren't going anywhere so she's free to do as she pleases. You need to yank the rug out from under her, break up with her, and tell her to call you if she decides she wants to be with you and not for anything else. If she contacts you again, ask her immediately what it's regarding and if it's not reconciliation; hang up and ignore.

**smackie9** · 11-02-11, 01:53 AM

First thing first...** the transistion from being a student to an adult with responsabilities is a stressful one. So all these changes she is going through are tough. Bombarding her with questions like "are we breaking up" is the wrong approach. You need to keep your emotions in check before talking with her or she will clam up and you will get no where. You need to tell her you respect her need for some space because she has a lot to deal with, like the new job and going to school, etc. Just let her know that you are here to support her. I think the fact that this relationship has gone long distance could be a factor here. She might be looking for more that phone calls and an occassional visit. So don't freak out just yet. The more you keep calm about this the less resistance you will get from her. So basically the more you try to pull on her the more she will push you away. Be distant yourself, keep busy and let her miss you.

**geolink** · 11-02-11, 12:34 PM

its my birthday today what should i do

if she calls
if she dosent call

**justagirl1** · 11-02-11, 01:33 PM

Look, the girl wants some time and space, so give it to her. Be a man, and stay cool. Don't act all super sensitive, that's such a turnoff! Let her call you, act normal but supportive, and ask her if there's anything she wants to talk about. Let her do all the talking. Either one of two things will happen in your days without talking, she's going to miss you terribly and wish to patch things up or she is going to decide she wants to move on to other things that don't include you. If you love her, you will give her this time to sort things out, and respect her wishes when she comes to you with what is bothering her.

**smackie9** · 11-02-11, 10:19 PM

Originally Posted by geolink

its my birthday today what should i do

if she calls
if she dosent call

It's friday, you better be going out and having a good time with your army buddies tonight.

**geolink** · 12-02-11, 02:58 PM

lol im in the army so i cant really do that

anyway she texted me a simple happy birthday
i called her and asked her what was that about and she was in class telling me she would call later that day

she did not i tried calling and no answer

she texted me again this morning asking me if there is anything i needed to say

i said that it was horrid to get phone calls all day for my birthday from every other person but the person i rely on and trust most just sent me a single worded message.
i also said that i do understand that its hard but together we can overcome any hard issues that trouble both of us.

she is at work and replied this

these are all excuses. im at work so i will call you when i get off because you dont seem to understand

so what now?

hellpppp

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